Why Even Try

hi whisperingwolf -

 listen, ignore the stats! my onc said they are usually outdated. they don't take into account YOU. seriously. i know it's hard to stay away from Dr. Google sometimes, but maybe turn the focus on how you've come so far.

the fear never  leaves, but it improves. the new normal is very nice, and recurrence is always in the back of one's mind, but still.

just take it a day at a time. and you're doing all this treatment to stay alive - and it's working!

thinking of you

hugs

j

Oh, I am so sorry Whispering Wolf. 

I want to add that it's not unusual to become unravelled after completing all treatment.  My clinical study nurse mentioned as much.  I escaped most of this because I set myself fitness goals, and then had to train for them.

The truth is we never know.  I have a banged up ankle from a cycling crash a month ago.  I was riding out to see the Solstice Parade, and it was raining.  I hit a know nasty gap in one of the streets, and went down.  Fortunately, no one was immediately behind me, and someone stopped to make sure I was OK.  But what if a large dump truck, and the driver didn't see me???  I would have been history.

Anyway, I am just fine (other than still limping) and you will be too.

It's also beastly hot in the East which was always enough to send me over the edge when I lived there.

You might want to get some help if this mood doesn't lift.  We all have things that can bring on a meltdown.  Right now, I either need some consulting work to break or land something in my job search.  So always something fun going on.

Hang in there.  Give your dog a big hug.  Get outside if you can.....and away from the stats.

Things will get better.  Promise. - Claire

Dear Whispering Wolf,

I ditto Amoccia, my husband had 80 percent survival rate with colon cancer, he's a 20+ year survivor.  Therefore, you can apply that right to what you had.  In addition, recurrence doesn't mean it's all over, it just means more dreaded chemo, to me, or rads if I'm lucky.  What I decided is that I am giving myself a hall pass to enjoy my life, so happy to be alive.  I'm sure for you that cancer let you SEE how wonderous the world is around us.  Because it was this way for me and others, cancer opened my eyes, I realized how I had not really appreciated how beautiful life is. 

But now, I do think your sadness at the moment is actually a good thing, it's a way for the body to just let go of some tension from pretty tough issues cancer people deal with, and I hope, darling girl, you hear the morning bird songs, look at the twinkling starlight, hug on that dog's soft furry neck, and feel the hum of the universe, falling into place, piece by piece, heart by heart, until you cry and cry, and cry some more, releasing a world of sadness and fear, so you can clear your silly head and go on through life, floating like a good dream you don't want to wake from. 

You are our cancer sister, WWolf, so we love you true, and I, along with all your other sisters, will be holding your hand through this little rough patch, until you're ready to keep going down the rose petal-covered path, lit by the glow of the morning sun, all of us hoping you on. 

GG 

I once read that statistics are just numbers and the only number that is important is YOU. 

Karyn

Hey there Wolf, my sister, my "stats" are similar to yours and I'm a bit more than two years out. Do I worry about reoccurrence? Certainly, the #!*#onc's "you are at high risk etc etc" will always be in a corner of my mind. And I do mean , a corner.

 I eat better, exercise more and put things more in perspective. I feel great and treasure that feeling knowing that it could go tomorrow, next week, next year, whenever and for reasons that might not be cancer related. Live, girl! Do whatever makes you feel stronger,both mentally and physically. It will put you in a better position if anything does occur, and make you feel better now.

 I think the goal to "trying" is to be able live life to its fullest now, with no regrets and not necessarily be engaged in a fight to delay the inevitable, which may be, again, from something completely unrelated. What are stats? A conglomeration of a bunch of numbers that show trends which are open to interpretation - you might be in the 30%, but statistically, you have a better chance of being in the 70%....right?

:>) 

well, i am 9 years out; did the whole tamale: surgery, clinical trial chemo, rads and arimidex.  there was a point early on when i was diagnosed that i made a cognitive decision to do everything i could to "save" my life.  i think the first couple of years post treatment are the hardest because you are struggling with the trauma of the diagnosis....AND still reeling from the side effects of chemo, rads...and if you are getting hormone treatment...everything is crazy in your body.  i think how you are feeling is also part of the process of accepting that you are a "cancer patient" for the rest of your life.  my experience was once i really totally accepted that i was a cancer patient.....that every 6 months i would have an appt with my onc....i started to figure out how to integrate this new experience in my life.  it is a rollar coaster...BUT...it does get better.  there are set backs...and there are joys....i think being grateful for what you have is the beginning of the "fight"  for me, i am grateful for my life. 

 try to not get obsessed with statistics.  either your are NED or you are not.  i figure i will deal with a relapse if and when it occurs.  until then, not to worry.  you are you...

positive attitude is not all that it is cracked up to be. however, being realistic about your life...your disease....the peeps who love you and  whom you love...the animal friends we have....is the reason why you do the treatment and do what you can do. the rest is up to what happens...and God. (or your higher power if you have one)

having a bad day...or a bad month...or even a bad year...( i had a very back year 2008...4 broken ribs from rads) is part of this i think.  find that part of you who doesn't want to give up...and keep on* hang in there*