July 2011 rads

Jessica- I started treatment on Tuesday and am dead tired.  I hope this gets better. It makes it hard to parent my 4 kids after my treatments.  I am glad others are feeling tired as well. I think some if it has to do with the focus required for me to not move and hold my breath through treatment.  

demaris- No SE yet besides being tired.  I do find myself wondering what it woudl be like to not have to hold my breath. I feel like I am taking a test every day. I find it stressfull to try to keep in teh zone. I know they say they can stop if I have to breath, but who wants to have to redo any of this.

Glad to hear that this can be done.  It was a hard week for me to adjust to. I think next week will be better now I know the routine.  My techs have been great and have streamlined my process a lot.  I havn't had to have 5 x-rays for alignment the past two days.  That is nice.  

thanks for being there 

You know the parable about the blind man and the elephant?  Here's a good example in the breast cancer treatment world:

I've had a lot of breast pain since my lumpectomy, and radiation has made it worse.  My RO's concerned, so she sent me back to the surgeon to investigate.  The surgeon looks at my breast, and she says, hmmm, it doesn't look infected, but you've got all those little pink dots on your breast [this was the first day I myself had ever seen them], so, you know, sometimes staph infections present like that, so I'm going to prescribe you an antibiotic. 

It seemed a stretch, but I thought, well, who knows? . . . maybe. 

Next day, went in for treatment, and the RO nurse wanted to know how the appointment with the surgeon went.  I told her.  What??  Let me see that breast!, she said.  I showed her.  That's not a staph infection.  Those are burned hair follicles from the radiation!  Jeez!

Sigh.  I actually like all my doctors and nurses, but I'm amazed at how uncoordinated this process is . . . .

I almost never drink milk shakes, but I've been craving them during rads.

I'm sick of eggs and cottage cheese.  I've never been a fan and have been forcing myself to eat them for protein.  Blech. 

Hello July ladies.   I begin my radiation next month.   I wanted to ask if any of you exercised all the way through radiation...if you had the energy for it?  Thanks!  Juls

I start radiation on Wednesday the 27th of July. This Wednesday.

This Monday, the 25th,  I have a "re-marking appointment" (some of the markings from my simulation came off along with the adhesive over them); Tuesday, the 26th, I have a "confirmation appointment" where they'll take x-rays to make sure everything's right and tattoo and such; and, then my actual rads treatments begin on Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon, I hope, as I'm mostly useless in the mornings.

I hadn't worried about this stage of treatment at all. Out of everything, radiation was the least scary part going into this ( I was diagnosed in Dec. 2010 ).

I've already been through all my chemo (AC + Taxol), which lasted December through April. I had a double mastectomy w/axillary node dissection on the right in mid-May; then, I had my expanders (for reconstruction) fully inflated (still in - will have exchange surgery post-rads) during June-July; and, now, it's time for radiation to begin.

 And, I am freaking completely out.

 I just took a Xanax - an Rx I didn't need before I had this da*n cancer diagnosis.

But, why NOW am I freaking out about radiation? Right now, I don't want to go, I'm scared to death!  Even though my rational mind knows it is not a big deal ( I'm having rads M-F for 7 weeks, daily, four or five fields will be irradiated, an extra 1/2 week was added on to the original 61/2 weeks because 1 of my 5 axillary nodes were + with cancer ), I'm having one anxiety attack after another. My anxiety disorder was bad enough before cancer; cancer doesn't do much to help it.

I, at this point have "no evidence of cancer" post-surgery: margins all clear ( though the one by my chest wall was only 1mm away! Thank God for good timing! ). So the rads are preventative / precautionary because my cancer was so aggressive and I'm at high risk for recurrence ( BRCA2+ & young & grade 3 & Stage IIIa at diagnosis & estrogen+ & her2+ ). So I am absolutely grateful there is no visible or "findable" cancer in my body right now. Soon I will also begin Herceptin treatments and Tamoxifen to help prevent a recurrence or metastases. In 10 years or so, I'll have my ovaries removed to prevent ovarian cancer, as well. Then I start wondering, will rads even make any difference at all? My doctor said he estimates my chance of recurrence, including rads and everything, to be 20-25%.

But as to rads. I was never worried about them. So why now?!

Is there anything anyone can suggest to help me calm down? Please? I haven't worried about this at all - in fact, I was looking forward to it, because it would mean the "hard parts" were behind me. But now - freaking freaking out so much. I can barely breathe. I've tried Xanax & exercise, watching TV, nothing is working to distract me.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you!

Barb, that helps very much just to read that I'm not the only one to have this reaction to it.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way - I'm crying off and on, as well. Seven weeks isn't terribly long, and I know I shouldn't worry so much. But I do. Thank you for your prayers, and I'll be praying for you also. 

Wise words GmaFoley....I have also prayed during treatment and  asked my guardian angel to protect me from any damage to my lung or heart and that has been comforting too.

Whisperinwolf:  Rad treatments are tougher emotionally than people realize.  For me, it required going to my primary care physician and asking for anti anxiety meds.  Please know that your emotions are normal and we are all here to listen to you.  Hang in there.

Rads is tough on me emotionally as well.  But it has gotten easier as the tx have gone on. 

Add me to those who pray during rads.  I pray for rads to damage only the unhealthy cell and  for God to protect my healthy cells.  Then i pray for any one and everyone that pops into my mind. 

I was taking anti- anxiety meds (Ativan) since the beginning of treatment but only at night to help me sleep, along with Ambien. On rare occasions I will also take an Ativan in the morning if I am felling anxious about treatment or whatever ? Pounding heart is usually my indicator. But when rads started and I had gone through a major emotional event with my first oncologist, I realized that I was about as low and stressed and emotional as I had ever been. So MO suggested talking to primary doc for anti- depressant and I started on Cymbalta two weeks ago. I have also had several sessions with the oncology social worker. As a school counselor myself, I am a big believer in therapy along with meds. A support group is also beneficial. Unfortunately the days mine meets are not at all convenient. So I try to meet with or call the social worker at least every two weeks.



I guess the main thing is to realize there is no shame or weakness in asking for drugs for anxiety or depression or both. This is situational; it doesnt mean you will need them forever for most of us. And I hope by so many of us sharing our stories, others will see you are not crazy and you are not alone and it is okay to cry and be scared, but it is also okay to ask for help to get you through this.

whispering wolf- all of your emotions are completly normal- I am very anxious and as Julianna said I feel like a total nutcase- had ovarian cancer 2 years ago complete hysterectomy and no more bio identials of course now (so hormones are in play here as well)- I think it's just normal to feel this way scared, trapped, mad etc...

Let it out here with us and whoever suggested a support group that was a good idea- I am dreading Monday but I think not as bad as last week-it will be 11/33 not  sure if that includes 8 boosts..

My son leaves to go back to college on Wednesday and It's the first time I can't go help him move and Im going to miss him so -that it's all tied up with the regular cying and anxiety what a mess I am right now.. You all help and I know we will all get through this one day at a time

I have started to have pain in my sternum and Maybe484 my breast and left arm are swollen, only slightly pink -keeping up with the Miraderm right after treatment and again when I get home

having trouble with the emu oil cant get the ones I knew out of my head ... using aloe as well

Good Luck to you this week My friends... 

I had wicked anxiety...and a major meltdown the day of my 'trial run', last Wednesday. Everything seemed to build up and explode on that day. My first 2 rad treatments were ok, but I did have a few crying spells yesterday. I think the 'no big deal' attitude about rads hit me with a 'it IS a big deal if it's YOU'. wow. This weekend I read a book "Living Through Breast Cancer", by Carolyn Kaelin..she is a breast cancer dr. that was diagnosed herself and it's a really good book. I am not a big reader either, and it kept my attention. It actually reassured me about WHY I'm doing rads and tamoxifen...and I felt a little foolish for not wanting to take meds...now, I feel GOOD about doing these things! It is worth it. If you get a chance to read the book, do it. It was actually recommended to me by the day surgery nurse who is a breast cancer survivor as well. Good luck this week everyone....Just think, on Friday...we'll have 5 less to go! Hugs out!

Hi all, Well today is a hard day for me I'm not feeling very good. I woke up feeling fine made breakfast for the family then an hour after I ate I started to feel sick to my stomach and I am light headed now and just feel very weak. Just wanted to know if any one has been feeling this way or maybe I'm getting a bug or just doing to much.This is my last week of RAD

@GmaFoley, thanks for the recipe.  It actually sounds yummy!

@whispering wolf - I wonder if some of your anxiety is aftermath of what you have already been through with chemo and the mastectomies.  That part is over and you finally have somne release from it, and maybe it is transfering on to rads.. I did not have to go through chemo, but was still very anxious before starting rads and I am a very pragmatic person.  For the most part I do alright, but occasionally emotions creep up (it is a roller coaster just like when I first was diagnosed). My treatment itself is so fast there is no time to even think really.. I am sitting in my car to go in and back in my car to leave is 15 minutes!  I spend more time getting my shirt off and the gown on then actually under the machine.  Of course once I am done I am out of there too lol.. I do not hang around lol

Momoftwo11- Sorry to hear you feel so bad.  I don't know how people with children get through all of this.  Luckily I don't have any one depending on me to once I get home from work I can just collaspe and let DH take over if I need to.  It could be normal tiredness for Rads especially the far into Rads but call your doctor in case it's a bug or something they can help you get past.

I didn't get to have my Tx today because of equipment proplems. What a bummer.  Guess I have to add another day one the end now.