Help! Boyfriend wants us to move to another state

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amontro
amontro Member Posts: 504
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

We've been to FL twice for vacation, but I don't want to live there.  He has a job waiting if he wants it.  He says there's a cancer hospital nearby (1 hr. away), and that I can sit by the pool all day or stay in the air conditioning.  He says I can visit my family by plane once a month, or they can come to see us.

He has no answer for:  I  have Stage IV with mets. Treatment right now has minimal side effects. What happens when my treatment changes and I am debilitated? What happens if I can't or won't fly? It's selfish to ask my family to pick up and change their busy lives for a weekend to see me.  I'm not crazy about living in FL without family close by. They are there for me when I need them here, and I see them often.  The FL hospital is an hour away from where we would live, on paper.  Who will take me and return me, and how long will that take? I'll be home alone all day while he works and I can't handle the heat even with air conditioning. Right now, we live so close to stores (few minutes) and highways. All my doctors and my hospital.are less than 10 minutes away.

Any suggestions on how to make him see that I don't want to do this?

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Comments

  • pebee
    pebee Member Posts: 317
    edited July 2011

    Tell him - as in

    "Honey- I won't move."

    I would also ask yourself - would you move there if you did not have BC?  If that is the case, then yes, make it clear to him that you are not going.

    Then, he can spend the airfare for you to come down twice a month.

    Now, if the question is - how do I get him to stay here - that is more complicated.  Is he working here?

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited July 2011

    I'm only stage 3, hate winter, and just moved back to New Hampshire so I could be near my children and grandchildren and have good medical care within minutes of my home.  I am quite certain that I would not make the move you are describing to appease a "boyfriend."   You need your family, continuity in your medical care, and the convenience factor so that you are not "housebound."  Someone who truly loves you will understand. 

    What is motivating him to make this move?  Is he currently unemployed or underemployed?  Did he think, perhaps mistakenly, that you might like the idea of living in Florida? 

    Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion about this, lay it all out "on the table" and make sure he understands your needs.  Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.

    Hugs,

    Michelle

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  • amontro
    amontro Member Posts: 504
    edited July 2011

    Thank you for your responses.  His place of work will close in about 6 months, but they have a plant in FL where he can get work. He thinks that because I like going to an island, beaches, pools, that I would love be at a pool or beach 365 days a year. We live in New England and I like it here, especially because of my grown children, grandchildren and family.  I emphatically told him "no", but he thinks I'll love living in FL once I get there. He doesn't understand that, at some point, I may not be able to get around.

    I even told him to do the research.  Pick some condos/houses, find a cancer hospital, find transportation for me, find a realtor so that we could go down and look at the area.  He ignores me because I think he is in a state of denial. He's upset when I ask him for the facts.

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  • mscal02
    mscal02 Member Posts: 522
    edited July 2011

    Amontro:Speak with him calmly, and tell him to go on and get settled. You can visit him when and if you feel like it. Does he have any plan of marrying you? Do you want to be married to him? That would be a big step to take with a boyfriend. I would not want to leave my children and family, or my medical facility.

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