Your thoughts

Mellaluka I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's slide and I know you don't want to do anything that to you feels like pushing her.  My suggestion is to ask her what she wants.  You can couch the questions in such away that they only need for her to give you a yes/no answer.  You could ask things like have you had enough treatment and would you like for all treatment to stop.  You will also need to reassure her that whatever she decides to do in okay with the family.  She may choose to have the treatment continue but you need to ask.

I do hope that she gets some relief and you have an easy birth.  You are in my prayers that things go well.

Love n hugs.  Chrissy

Dear Mellaluka,

I did WBR this spring, and am wondering why your mom is still on steroids at all, especially since her scans were good.  I was told to stop the steroid right after rads, that they can cause bad side effects.  I also found recovering from wbr much more difficult than the rads (no comparison) and it took much longer to recover than expected.

I had horrible fatigue while on xeloda last year, and was given Ritalin for energy which helped very much. 

I also wonder if your mother is depressed, which makes fatigue even worse.  Does she show any happiness about your baby coming soon?  Many of her symptoms sound exactly like depression.

I know, hearing the words "brain mets" hits you at your very core.  If she has always been very "positive," and perhaps believes she has to be to stay alive (there is no evidence to support this idea, btw) she may have given up hope.  Honestly, there just really is nothing positive to say about brain mets... but it isn't an immediate death sentence- women live for years with brain mets with good QOL.

I very much support the patient's right to refuse treatment, but given it seems your mom was doing ok and responded to treatment, I would want to make sure that what is going on is not due to depression.  Depression is very common in people with cancer.  Check to see  if there are any psycho-oncologists in your area, they specialize in helping people with cancer (I see one for counselling and meds, he's made a huge difference in my life.)  If not, I would set up an appointment with a regular psychiatrist (who can write Rx's for depression and fatigue meds.)

You might also want to discuss decreasing your mom's xeloda dose, to see if her onc thinks that might help.  Better to have a little progression than to have someone waste away due to depression and fatigue.

It sounds to me as if her onc believes she has every chance for getting out of that hospital, as it seem's there's been no discussion of palliative care or hospice, but rather a repeated insistance on daily physio.  Why is the physio torturous- is she in pain?  Maybe just adding some psych meds and pain meds if needed might make a big difference- depression seems to make physical pain less tolerable.

I don't know the details on her history, but I hope your mom is just in a temporary bad place and feels better soon.  If she's not depressed and can say with a clear mind that she's done all that she wants to, I hope her final days are as happy, pain free, and peaceful as possible, and that you and your sister find peace in her freedom, too.

Lynne 

hi mellaluka, that is so unfortunate isnt it...but then there is hope of a recovery, it must have been great to see her happy, if just for a little while. im not sure if you post on the stage IV thread, but please do, as you will find support for yourself from others who have someone they love going through this, and many supportive people there with heaps of information....

re palliative care (as you posted in this forum), i had my first visit today actually with the palliative nurse. on advice from others here and my onc, i decided it was a good thing to link in with the team...doesnt mean i will be needing them for much help yet!, but the nurse has made me feel so much more at peace. there are heaps of services available with them, in australia it incorporates much more than hospice. just her telling me that i now have access 24hr a day to a community nurse who will visit if im unwell, and is looking into  physio, counselling etc for me, and even my daughter if she needs it,, has eased some of the stress i live with...so do consider chatting with your onc/the team and your mum about this option...wishing your mum a good recovery, and wishing you strength and joy in the time ahead x

Do me a favor.  Have the doctors in the hospital doublecheck her blood cell count.  The two chemo drugs she's been on can cause a drop in those counts, and thus make her extremely tired.  See, she may have TWO conditions ruining her health.  I'm glad they're tapering the steroids, but I wish they'd do it a lot faster.  There ought to be SOME mild drug she can take to counteract the withdrawal effects from the steroids, too.  And obviously since she has improved since they stopped one of her chemo drugs, this speaks to the wisdom of getting her off whatever she's on, and starting over at some later point in time as long as they watch her blood cell counts and avoid the myopathy she ended up with by taking steroids.  Best wishes for you, your sister, and your mother. 

I hope the reduced steriod will give your mom her energy back.  I'm on 60mg of pred a day for my radiation necrosis from brain mets treatment 2 years ago and I don't feel very zippy at all.  It helps to know what to look out for...thanks for posting!  lisa

Melinda,

Hugs to you and your family. Im glad she got to say what she needed before her passing 

Melinda,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Your little one will surely have an Angel to watch over him/her throughout its life.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Your mom was very lucky to have such a wonderful supportive family, and that says a lot about how wonderful she was also. Hugs to you and your family.

Sorry for your loss.  I'm glad to hear that you were with her at the end.  Try to remember the good times.