Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Well we were texting back and forth this morning. I said you know I'm really not crazy about discussing this over a text. He said he'd call me later when the boys weren't right there. I have not heard from him again, I'm hoping or assuming that he'll call when they're settled in for the night or in bed?? If not then who knows :(

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    I think he will want to see you again - whether you see him again will be up to you.   For what it's worth, I don't know how healthy it would be to pursue this given this recent development.

    I would have been blindsided, too - it sounded like things were going great....

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Healthy for me to pursue him? Well I'm certainly not putting the effort forward, I will not contact him. Where this goes is up to him for the most part, then I will get to decide from there if I continue or can allow my heart to be open to him still (again?)

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    That's exactly what I meant.   Why does it have to be up to him?   You're going to sit around and hope some guy doesn't go back to his ex wife?     You deserve better than that ....

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    No I'm not going to sit around and wait for him forever. I'll give him a little time to see what he comes up with, not months and months or anything. I'm not sitting around tonight, and I wasn't last night. I am keeping busy with my great friends who are always there for me. If he decides he wants to keep seeing me then we'll have some talking to do. I do care a lot about him, so I'd like to give him the support so far. If that makes sense?

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    Yes, it makes sense - but emotionally, you are waiting (even if you are going out every night of the week).   But I understand....if I were in your shoes, I might even do the same thing.   I have done the same thing. 

    I guess you are a bigger person than I am, because I probably would have been out of the picture the minute I found out he was considering going back to her.  

    You have a good heart, Dragonfly....and I know he sees that in you.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I'm trying, believe me it's a battle within my own head and heart. I'm being told by a lot of people to tell him to get bent. But I see great qualities in him that I'm just not 100% sold on walking away from yet. We'll see, give it a few days and I may have had a change of my "good" heart :(

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    Then you follow your heart.   You know him better than we do, and whatever happens or doesn't happen - I know you mean a LOT to him.   Of that, I am certain. 

    You look so beautiful!   You look more tan than me and I live in Florida, lol!   I'm white as a sheet...

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    You have to do what feels right for you. There is no wrong or right

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    It's hard, I never saw this happening at all. It almost would of been easier if he'd just broke it off period. For now my heart is saying give him the benefit of the doubt and a chance to sort through things like he asked me to do.

    Thank you so much fearless. I got some major sun in New Orleans, and Boston. Thankfully because we have NO sun yet in Oregon here. It rained last night and is cloudy today, not sure where our Summer is.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Well he never called tonight, guess later didn't mean tonight :(

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    Hrf is right - there is no right or wrong here.   I know that you were not (are not) some fling to him.   I know he does care and is very confused right now.    I am as shocked as you are by this.    A year is a long time  - no one could have predicted she could end up back in the picture.   Hopefully, that won't happen.   

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I don't know what will happen, trying to just hope he does the right thing. He has his boys this weekend so maybe I'll hear from him tonight when they leave. I'll be patient and supportive but not if I'm completely ignored and left in the dark

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    That sounds like a good plan.   I just can't believe he is even contemplating going back to that cheating w**** of an ex (didn't you say she cheated on hm a few times) for the kid's sake?   What a horrible idea.   I am not a parent, but I don't think that would be a good idea.   It might even make things worse by increasing the amount of stress in the kid's environment if they start fighting, etc.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    She did cheat on him a few times. They lived totally separate lives, they never did stuff together. She went out to the bar with friends all the time and left him home with the kids. It blows me away, I really thought he had much more intelligence than this. I think the counselor for his son made some statements that he totally took the wrong way. As in being united and together, I understand that as being together as a parenting unit/team in decisions and discipline and getting along in front of the kids. Not as in united like lets screw with the kids some more and play house.

    I agree with everything fearless you said, and told him those exact things.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited July 2011

    Dragon ..  you're left in such a tough position.  It seems that he wants you to wait for him while he figures out what he's doing.  It's so hard, especially when you care for him.

    I think I would probably wait it out for a while and see what happens.  He does sound like a good man and loves his children.  I think he sounds very stressed out and confused about what to do with his son.

    I've always believed in giving people second and third chances.  It's not always the best thing to do, but it's the way I do things, sometimes right or wrong. 

    Hugs to you while you find your way through this.

    Bren 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I think most of us are like that, I always give too many chances. So that's where I'm torn and struggle with this. I'm not in any hurry, and you're right he's confused, sad, and stressed and many other things. He said he still hates his ex, and is so mad at her for everything she's done, but he wants what's best for his kids. I swear I will NEVER get that connection.

    Thank you ladies for your help in this, I'd be a wreck on my own. I'm just trying to put it on the back burner, focus on other things for now and see what happens over the next little bit. 

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    He actually still hates her?   Uggghh....I wish he would come to his senses.   You know, I think he is just reeling from everything right now and once he is on a more even keel he will realize that his judgement has been impaired by all this stress and that if he doesn't come to his senses, he is going to lose you.  

    Just see what happens....we are in your corner, as always.... :-)

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Yeah, unbelievable huh? Not a word from him still today, hard to keep pulling for him/us and be supportive with no communication :(

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    I would be upset, too.   I'm sorry you are hurting....I hope he comes through for you....

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    Me too, I will for sure keep you posted!

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited July 2011

    Dragon - I always say things have a way of working out if they are meant to be.  Be patient - start dating again and see what happens

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I'm not quite ready for that yet, maybe in a few dayes or a couple weeks. I tried looking online at the dating site and I just can't :(

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited July 2011

    You will probably hear from him one way or another. Men don't understand that one hour feels like one week for a woman. At least go out with girlfriends and don't sit around waiting

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    You hit the nail on the head right there hrf, I don't think he has a clue what it's like for me. I was gone all weekend, hanging out with one of my best friends. We just relaxed, had some drinks, watched movies it was great. I'm home now with my daughter, so the time is crawling by. I know his boys go home on Sundays at 7:00 but this week or next he has them for a full week I can't remember which.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011

    I wouldn't want to start dating yet, either.   I need time to get over things like this.   But then again, you do seem like a strong lady.....  I don't take things like this very well.   It tends to take me longer to get over someone than it does other people.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011

    I like to think I'm a strong person, but this has really knocked me down a couple notches! :( I'm trying hard to not focus on it and make plans for the week and some camping trips with friends but my heart still hurts

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011
    Of course it has!   I'm shocked and I wasn't even the one dating him....I can only imagine how you must feel...  let's just see what happens.....
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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited July 2011
    Sitting... and waiting.... Wink
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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited July 2011
    I wish we could give you a big hug....I wish I could say something that would help.   I do know he is going to call you, I just don't know what he will say.   Undecided
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