April 2011 chemo

Hi everyone, was on the thrown all day today, 2 more to go yippeeeee......

I want you all to know even if I don't make a lot of comments, I pray for all my sisters her and all the needs.  My heart feels heavy with all thay you are all dealing with.  Just know you are always in my heartm thoughts and prayers.

hugs to you all.....

Windlass - we won't abandon you. We will rejoice along with you in every chemo you knock back. I can definitely relate to the painted picture you gave us. There will always be people who have it better or easier than us but there also will be others who have it worse. This is our challenge in life to find our joy no matter where we are at in the scale. I thank you for being so honest with us because that's what we are here for. to tell it like it is. I ditto Merliee's questions. 

Windlass - whining is okay and often a necessity!  When I apologize to people for whining they say they dont hear it as whining.  Let's call it sharing!  We want you to share - that's why we are all here together!!!

Hi gang

For those of you having surgery let me say that when I had mine it was really a breeze. I was very scared however going in. I had a BMX and no regrets there. I was surprised at how easy the recovery was. I was up out of bed the next day.

Windlass- I will never take for granted that I am a stage one. I have heard the words, "it's cancer" 3 times now in 2 1/2 years and every time I have been very lucky to find it early. Even though I HATE cancer, I count my blessing everyday. People often look at me funny when I tell them I am a very lucky lady. 

It has changed my life is countless ways. It has made me really think hard about what I want to do from this point on. Time becomes precious and I don't want to live unhappy in anyway. So I have to make some changes, and one of them will be in the type of work I do. I am planning on finding something low pressure and low stress for example. I have forgiven people that I never thought I would and am trying to live a life surrounded by loving and uplifting people. I take nothing for granted these days. Any of us could be hit by a bus or any other thing. We just never know what could happen so we must make the most of, an appreciate everyday we have no matter who we are or what our bodies are going through.

p.s. And thanks for all the kind words, ladies! I hadn't seen there was a whole page of comments before I wrote the post above.

Artiecat:  I can't WAIT, but I am going to. I don't want to fight the crowds and get sick.  So, I'm going to wait for it to be out for a while and try to sneak out with hubby during the day someday.    I will cry like a baby though!

Linda:

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Windlass - so sorry to hear, and ditto that this is the safe place to whine. We're all scared and freaked and whiny at many points on this stupid, horrid journey. Your honesty was a reminder that some of us can count our blessings and pass some of them forward.

Hi Ladies,

Windlass - I am at stage IV Grade 3 IDC with mets to lungs dx at the same time as primary back in Feb 2011 in my rhbreast with lymph node involvment it has spread to my lungs but I am very positive at the moment cause the chemo is working and making it all shrink everywhere which is good news. I am also HER2+ and have been told I will probably be on herceptin forever, you are not alone in this and on this thread, sending you support and hugs xxxx P.S. thanks for the info on the japanese mushroom, will be getting some of that if I can, I am in england, what brand name did you buy yours from windlass??x

RangerMom- I get my surgery in September mx with lymph node clearance I am nervous but also impatient to get rid of the mother tumour. x

Merilee - I think my cancer was to do with stress/depression/worry not relationship stuff but just life stuff, no job been going to interviews and applying for 3 years now and no luck, then the depression kicked in to add to the stress and just when I thought I'd change my life completely and finally give in to the biological clock and have a baby then this cancer comes into my life and now that seems like a far away impossible dream. Its amazing how much can change in such a short space of time.

Living for the moment is important part of my philosophy now and I agree with you Merilee we must all live as happy a life as possible I am going to make my life better, I am making plans to move nearer my family and friends back in somerset so I can get more emotional support, to get a puppy something I have long wanted, I also have 2 cats which I adore, and to be as actively creative as possible (being an artist/illustrator/designer you have to wear many many hats as a creative person). 

Getting through this is sooooo tough we are all so very brave and strong who said that the female was the weaker sex? absolute rubbish eh ladies! Chemo making me heat up so bad I have too stick my head into the freezer to cool off, also really red in the face which is probably the steroids making me look like a moon face and bright red just to add insult to injury. 

This made me laugh hope it cheers you all up, my friends sister has the same dx as me which is crazy eh!! she's a couple of years down the line and said "God must be a man cause all the hair on my body had disappeared except for the bikini line" LOL  so true so very true.

Sending luv and light to all to guide us all through our darker times.

Sarah Sweety xxxx 

***Had this post queued up last night and feel asleep***  So need to go back and read all the new posts since then...we've been busy over here!

Folks, I know everyone is having their own litany of challenges. But please if for one second , could you just shout one glorious HUZZAH!!! and share my joy at the fact that they accessed my port on the first try?? One stick and they were in! You gals know my port has been H-E-double hockey sticks. So this was just one glorious break. Maybe I soaked up some of the sunshine Merilee shared. Taxol number one is done!

Windlass, I think you did such a good job expressing your fears and frustration without being hurtful to anyone else. That's a gift, friend. Especially in fora like these where emotions of all kinds run high. This should be one of your safe places. I'm glad you came back and posted. Just to share with you that these feeling of disparity in dx can go both ways. I have a dear friend who was dx with Stage 4. Survival rates beyond 2 years is very low. I got dxed three weeks after her with Stage 2. And I'm lost how to be there for her (emotionally/phone/cards/etc.) since she lives cross county which makes me pull away sometimes. And similarly, she can't fathom that at the end of this year, this will be pretty much behind me and the boys. While she is thinking about how to make memories for her 4 and 2 year old. That makes her pull away sometimes. When the answer for the both of is is to be kind, considerate, and generous to each other. At least I think that is the answer. So what a long winded why to say that you should be able to depend on us to be knd and generous to you...when you are low or when you are high. This is a soft landing place. I hope you remember that.

Rangermom, you are a shining example of listening to your body. We all try, and I know I do an awful lot of sweeping under the mat. So I appeicate the reminder to listent to my body...even though I don't really trust it right now.

Pawprint: what about "Warrior Walker Women" or "Lounging for Life" or ..."We are women, Hear us Rawr" or "Won't Work for Food, Will Walk for a Cure" as possible team names for your 5K.

Articat - one more to go. Glad the benadryl was able to get things undercontrol quickly.

SCC - Yay for a good infusion. I get really pissed waiting for doctors too. But I'm trying something out lately, especially for the doctors I really like and who take as much time with me as I need. I remind my self that at the beginning of this journey (and even still now) when I have questions, he takes his time, I never feel like his hand is on the door knob. I imagine that while I'm waiting that he is in the exam room with another woman like me, who just found this out and he is giving her the time and undivided attention that he gave me, and how important that is to her. It calms me down a bit.

Sudz - hang tough, Merilee has provided the sunshine. I'll provide some chocolates:

Scrumptious Chocolate Truffles that I imagine would increase platlets!

I hope everyone in hanging in there and getting ready for the weekend!

Much love and peace to you all.

Guilt free truffle recipe:

1/2 cup organic cocoa powder

1/2 cup organic almond butter

1/4 organic agave

stir to form a dough, make into bite size balls and refrigerate

You can add nuts, coconut , or anything you like just before you make the balls or you can top each one with a nut and flatten it.

Enjoy

I'm going to make a batch of these when I get home Merilee...sounds so good.

I am wishing for the trufffles - but chocolate tastes horrible to me!!!!  Soon, though, very soon!

Profbee - you are right about seeing HP7 in a crowd...I will be careful too!!!!

Cheers to all - I am off for the neulasta this morning!   The benadryl buzz is almost worn off, so I am feeling a little steadier this morning.

Onward and upward warrior women!!!