BREAK the SILENCE: What are Black women NOT saying?

Happy mother's day to all the mothers among us.

Can't believe how much perspective I've developed in the 2 months since diagnosis! Still not interested in sex though! Between chemo and the kids etc, my poor husband is now just a supportive room mate and since he has a persisent bad cold he has been banished to the basement since chemo leaves me with zero WBC which really scares my oncologist.  The struggle/journey continues!

OtraVez sorry about the recurrence. I agree with you! Its hard enough getting ourselves through this crap! Take care of yourself and hoping you get through this setback! 

I agree with you toomanycocktails, denial is an annoying part of many interpretations of religion. I find myself bitting my tongue when speaking with religious relatives and friends because their comments often sound like my proactive nature and diligence is a bad thing. Maybe my miracle was early diagnosis instead of denial and late diagnosis. Then I remember that they "mean well" and I tell them that I am too tired to talk right now, since I do not have the energy to waste trying to change their minds. Too busy with too much else right now. 

Wow!

TooMany, browniefranks, & Thatgirl, You all make a girl REALLY happy to have been led to the church that I attend. We have a "healthy Christian" seminar each month in  place of regular Bible Study  with a different topic each month. We have covered everything from HIV to allergies and OF COURSE BC!  It all comes from love and knowing that life happens-but God has given us responsibility to take care of our temples.

I will continue to pray and attempt to be proactive for our community. We each should do what we feel comfortable with regarding making BC history and changing the statistics.

 And brownie, when it comes to getting thru this-focus on what you need to focus on-taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do.....I just told my friends and relatives (especially those who said I was reading too much) "I believe God has this. You just keep praying." 

Indomitable and ILinda, I also agree with you but I understand where toomanycocktails is coming from.  I actually would flee from a church that teaches us not to claim it and leaves it at that.  Sorry but too many of our churches don't get it.  I know prayer works and God is in total control.  Not claiming it is the same as putting our head into the sand and hoping it goes away.  I love my church because when I told them they gathered around me and prayed and then continued to pray and offer support while I went through treatment.  We work together with the Lord and then when we have done all we can, when we think we don't have another ounce left, then He says 'relax my child' and He continues the fight on our behalf. 

The Lord takes care of every bird on this earth but he doesn't throw the food into the nest.

Did I go off into a tangent here - appears so; I'm wondering myself what point I'm making so hope you all get my drift.  We serve an AWESOME God.

Wrong thread

Thanks.  I'll take a look.

Hi imara, so sorry to have you join this sisterhood but you are in a good place.  Your mom is probably just scared and when people are scared they tend to say stuff that just doesn't make sense.  That you are not ashamed and know you can count on your fiancee' and friends says that you know God is your strength, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't cry.  God gave us tears, didn't He?  She's probably also from the old school when BC was something to hide away but nowadays there is so much out there that can be done and we need to be shouting from the rooftops so everyone will get their regular checkups and we may get this beast under better control.  Actually the topic of this thread says it better than I can that we must break the silence. 

So go ahead, tell everyone - it may make your dad go for a prostrate screening, something our men also don't do soon enough.  Being quiet kills.

Will keep you in prayer while you go through.  Please let us know who you make out.

HUGS.

Hi, I can't answer your question about Kaiser but many on these boards have different experiences,some good, some bad, some indifferent.  This board is not well travelled so please also go to the 'Forum Index' tab and scroll down to the 'Just Diagnosed' thread.  You can browse those boards and post your question there.  Someone will most likely have information for you.  I'm glad you found these boards as you can get tons of information from women who have been through it and sometimes that's the best place when you are just starting.  However, always remember that we are ll different andwhat works for one will not necessarily work for another.  You may also see many negative posts and you also have to understand that people who have only had positive experiences may never come and post so the negatives may seem to outweigh the positive.

I'm surprised that you have to pay out of pocket for a second opinion.  Thought that was pretty standard and should be covered as long as you stay in-network.  Someone may also have more information on the other boards. 

HUGS

Hi visugar2003, welcome, although not the very best of ways to meet but you are with a great mix of survivors.  I also am not triple neg but somehow that other thread, AA who are triple neg, somehow seemed to draw me and I just stayed around.  This thread does not say triple neg so it's safe. 

just kidding!   So, stay around on all the boards, posting and learning and reaching out when you just need a shoulder as there are many cyberhugs floating around and they do help to de-stress.

HUGS and Blessings.

Hello to all!

I've been away for awhile: traveling,working and simply living into my eight year of survivorship!

A very profound topic!  In my opinion, for what it's worth, black women are either too ashamed or fearful.  Some, not all, may believe they 'allowed' this dreaded disease to 'happen' to them.  They may feel that they 'should' have had more 'control' over their lives and somehow 'prevented' this disease from occuring.

*Think about what I'm saying before firing off negative comments.  I'm not saying that black women are shameful; I'm saying some black women may feel shame associated with the disease and don't want to talk about it.  They may feel their lives are difficult enough and don't want to hinder their immediate families with more bad news.  Just a thought

Wonderful news! Your story is an inspiration...

When I was diagnosed and staged, I did a lot of research on prognosis/survival. I learned I had an 81% 5 year survival rate from one report. Then I read this super long govt report with lots of tables and graphs. There was one by race and it showed an 86% survival for white women (I'm a fair redhead). I was so happy over that 5%. Then I looked further and saw a line on the graph for black women was lower than other reports and when separated out. I am post surgery and 2/3 through chemo, RADS to go. That chart was one of the most upsetting moments of my experience because I tried to imagine what it might be like for an African American woman to find that same chart. As time has passed I have looked forward to paying forward after my treatment. I am a career public speaker and wish to carry information to African American women about self exams and mammos. I found my own cancer...I am not sure how well received I'd be, but I can usually capture peoples attention well. Any grass roots suggestions welcome. If one woman responded and caught her bc early it would be enough.

i am a single breast cancer survivor women that wants to date again but with the mastectomy of one breast i still feel afraid of what a man might say, plus my hair has been everything s!is coming back and it's been over a year since my last chemo treatment.