July 2011 rads

Hi pejkug3,

Please do not apologize for complaining.  This is the place to do it because we have been there and we understand.  The staff at your radiation center sound horribly inconsiderate.  It is simply common decency to allow someone a private area for dressing and undressing.  Also, you do have a job.  You are taking care of your family and that is the most important job in the world.  Stick to your guns and demand a set schedule.  Again, it is simply common decency for them to offer you one and you have the right to be able to plan your day.  Perhaps having a definite time will relieve some of your stress.

Sending hugs to you and please continue to talk to us whenever you need to. 

No scheduled time would drive me crazy too! Mine is 9AM everyday. It wouldn't be my first choice but at least I can plan my day ahead of time. Not having a place to undress and dress would bother me too.

I didn't have tattoes but I can imagine that one in the middle would hurt...yikes! I'm glad that you were able to get the time you wanted.

My first day the girl asked me how I was and I answered I was nervous and she said I shouldn't be, it wasn't a big deal, and it doesn't hurt. I wanted to ask her if she had ever had radiation but I didn't. I think burning my skin and exposing my breast, heart, and lung to radiation is a big deal, and from what I've read, at some point it may very well hurt. 

So I'm pretty quiet when I go in. Today was quick...I was there for only 15 minutes which counted waiting, changing,and treatment. I'm just gritting my teeth and wanting to get it over with too.

pejkug3 - you insist on a private place to change and a set time every day. That's just plain inconsiderate and cruel. This will be my second time for rad treatments. The first time was 4 yrs ago and now my remaining breast for DCIS. I go for my planning next week the 6th. I am not looking forward to this again. I hated it the last time, too. I cried reading all of your posts. I know how frightening this all is. It's not so bad once it gets going though. Fore some reason it's intimidating. Last time I had no breast, this time I do and that scares me.

Welcome LindaJanette...I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I started this past Monday and I was really blue on Sunday.

I'm saying a prayer that  you feel better soon...

Hiya...my simulation is tomorrow. Good thing I'm already as stressed out as it's possible to be, so Pejkug's story didn't scare the crap out of me.  I'm stressing for slightly different reasons, but some like Pejkug's -- the scheduling nightmare (I'm not a stay home mom or any kind of mom, but I'm disability retired so "don't have a job")....as to getting half naked in "public" -- I'm modest only "in context." That is -- if it's my boyfriend, my doctors, or technicians who have to work with me to perform a test or treat me, I'm OK with the nakedness and have almost no modesty at all. Other than that, NO, I do NOT want to be seen naked, and I DO find it upsetting. Alas my treatment center is academic, so they like to bring students in to watch. For some stupid reason, THAT really bothers me. Well, it didn't at first -- I used to think "well how the hell do the doctors LEARN?" and kind of roll my eyes in consent, but now when a doc brings a student in for an exam or whatever where I have to be partly naked I actually sound like a little kid -- "Do you HAVE TO?" Sometimes they respect my wishes, other times they talk me into a resigned "OK...." in a tone of voice that makes it plain I don't like it. (you know, like a little kid who "agrees" to clean her room in order to be allowed to do something she likes.) And oh yeah, I don't like the side effects thing either. I feel good now (finally all rehabilitated and fully functional post-BMX, and happily way off meds that were making me totally miserable) for the first time in over two years and I don't trust doctors who tell me I'll "tolerate it well" or "it's better than chemo," or "you'll only be a LITTLE tired, and IF you have skin changes it'll be closer to the end of the treatments" because they're usually WAAAAY OFFFFF -- so I am in NO hurry to go from feeling good to feeling like shit. Oh, and I also HATE to drive. It's a 60 mile round trip to the treatment center.

Well who was it said back a few decades ago that if there was a global thermonuclear war, the cockroaches and rats would survive if nothing else? Since I'm a Lab Rat, that probably means I'll make it.

Pejkug, you see, you have a sister in whining now! LOL we should have a contest to see which of us is "worse." Everyone else, please pass us the cheese...and you can share our whine too!

Anyway -- I have to be there 9:30 for my sim tomorrow, not 10:30 as originally scheduled... :::::sigh::::: But I AM going to put on EMLA cream between...where my breasts USED to be.. I don't have breasts anymore....and on the sides of my chest too, just in case I can't talk the technicians or whoever into just ink-marking me, no needles, and, I'm glad I have plenty of Ativan too. Gonna take one of those tomorrow! 

pejkug3,

You are in my thoughts so much.  You are definitely not a wimp.  You are a brave warrior like the rest of  us.  Please do not feel like a fool.  You are never alone in your feelings.  We are all with you in spirit.  Sending hugs to you. 

Hi Kristy,

Welcome to July rads! You made the right decision to go with a Dr. you like. I have a primary care doctor that I don't particularly care for, but am reluctant to change since I've been with him for 10 years. I don't know when I'll make the move! The dr. my ONC referred me to is wonderful, but her staff seems incompetent (she is my daughter's primary care dr.). My daughter has had such difficulty with her staff with return calls and follow up. So... back to the drawing board-aka the internet!

My appt. for my CT scan and marking is next Wednesday. I've had a consultation with my RO and love her!

I understand the crying part too. I finished chemo on 6/8 and can't seem to stop. I talked with my ONC yesterday and he said it is perfectly normal... another "new" normal. I have been reading a lot of blogs and I will start to read portions of them to my DH and can't get through them.

How many treatments will you have? I've only been told I will have 6-7 weeks.

We will get through this!

~Julie

A-MEN, Husker!  Someplace FAR away!!

I'm so sorry you had such a hard time with the first RO.  Ugh.

5 down...26 to go. My incisions are definitely not liking it. However, a long weekend will hopefully help.

I'm glad you found a new RO you like Huskerkkc!

I hope everyone is able to enjoy the long weekend!

Welcome to our group Huskerkkc.  I am glad you got rid of that insensitive RO.

I know what everyone means about crying after chemo was finished.  I was actually cheerful during the four rounds of TC.  Now, I just want to cry most of the time.  Part of it is probably fear of the unknown.  The MO's office was familiar and homey and everyone was talkative.  The RO's office, on the other hand, feels like part of a cold, science-fiction world.  The staff seem nice enough, but they are almost robotic in their responses.  Also, the space is quite large, but I never see any other patients there.  It does not help that I was given a card with a bar code on it that I run through a machine to check in.  How difficult would it be for the receptionist to say hello and let the technicians know that I was there? 

I asked my RO about creams and she told me to only use what they give me and they won't give it to me until they think I need it.  I will see her again on Tuesday and I'm going to push to get them.

I'm definitely feeling sore and tender like I did about two weeks after my surgery. I guess that scar tissue just doesn't like getting radiated and is reacting. I don't even want to think about how it's going to feel four weeks from now...

Well OK....I'm all simulated and I got them to do the markings not the tattoos -- Yay and thanks...who suggested that...? Well thank you it worked. One of the rad techs said she agreed with me when I said I didn't like tattoos, needles or want a pemanent reminder about this on my body. (you ask me, having no breasts is enough of a reminder huh?) Anyway, the nurse gave me two tubes of this cream called Jean's (I had never heard of it) to put on my skin after treatment, and if I use them both up, I'll get more. I also picked up some Ivory liquid body soap too. So looks like I'm as ready as I'm going to be. Oh, and my body did not fuss when it came to the positioning of my arms and holding them up/being still.

...I hate TVs in public places too Janet. Actually, I mostly hate TV anyway. My television set is solely a DVD/VCR player; I stopped watching "current" TV about a decade ago. So when I go to the medical center I bring my iBook (there's WIFI at the medical center) sometimes, sometimes I bring whatever book I'm reading at the moment...depends how long I have to be at the medical facility. Since it's a 60 mile round trip, I do the best I can to schedule all my various doctor visits, counseling sessions, treatments and tests to fall on the same day so I get it done in one trip. If the appointments are close (say a 11 AM and a 1 PM, I just bring a book (and eat lunch between appointments). If not so close (once I had a 10 AM, a 1:00 PM and a 4 PM on the same day) then I bring the iBook because I have plety of time to catch up with email and forums, or play my sims. Anyway, from now until July 12th, I am FREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! No medical visits, no driving, no having to work around OTHER peoples' lives. So I get just over a week "off" from all this cancer crappity crap. Woo-HOO! Maybe finish Pasteurella's (which I'm thinking of renaming Salmonella's -- LOL MYUUUHAHAH!) and play my little simmies for hours on end. 

Books...well Janet, when it comes to books, one woman's interesting can end up being another woman's boring, so you should probably choose and bring your own reading material as you see fit.  

YES on the female doctor thing from me too. I only had one "miss" on a female doctor. I originally figured a female GYNECOLOGIST would certainly understand about "those" kinds of examinations way more than a male doctor, so I went to a woman gynecologist once, and SHE's the one who shoved a TOTALLY COLD speculum up there to examine me!!! :-O After that, I went back to men doctors for many years. Until I moved recently (October 2010) I had ALL men doctors -- and was totally okay with that until mid-2010 or so, then I got to that "well a man, even if he IS a doctor, can't REALLY understand this as well as a woman, can he? Especially since I felt my (male) oncologist at the time didn't really take me seriously and I even more strongly sense it was because, being in my late 40s, I was an "older woman") mindset. When I moved, though, it turned out all my new doctors were women. I only have one male APRN on my "medical team" -- he "belongs to" my new PCP who is a woman. I like him a LOT and he "feels" like a "real doctor"; he reminds me of a younger version of my PCP from before I moved. But, I still think the new PCP is terrific. I definitely like the women doctors better, they do take me more seriously, or at least THESE ones do, or maybe it just feels that way. Which is, I suppose, as good as it gets for someone like me. I'm not people-savvy so I lack "people-skills" and end up wrong more than right when it comes to "reading" people. But they're listening to me and finally coming around to the fact that I don't need or want for them to help me try to "fight a battle" I can't win, but rather I need them to make it possible for me to live as well as I can for whatever time I have left: living WELL is higher priority for me than how LONG I live. So I hope the rads don't take me down for too long before imparting whatever improvement they're supposed to impart, or prevent for longer the bad stuff that takes me down worse, or whatever it is.....you know, the "I'm doing this WHY?" thing...other than because my Pack Rat still somehow wants me around and is way in agreement with the two doctors who can now drag me bodily into the radiation chamber. LOL

Gma Foley -- now that you're almost done with your rads -- how are you and your skin holding up? Lab Rat minds want to know.  :-) Squeeeek.

=====(    )8:> 

So what's with my brain now? Why'd I say I bought Ivory unscented liquid body soap to shower with during rads? I just noticed it was Dove, not Ivory. Well, no matter:  the rads nurse said either Ivory or Dove would be good. So I'm set.  

Lena I used a female doctor for years because I wanted a doctor who knew what I meant when I said, "today I have the personality of a rattlesnake".  My regular doctor now is a male.  He is very nice I just feel a man can not understand how a female feels.

I got my Ivory liquid unscented soap yeaterday.  I won't have to hide it because DH and I are the only ones at my house.  I was doublful when the rads techs put those marks and tabs on me but they have not come off.  I was told to just take my hand and wash where the tabs were and let the shower gently wash the soap off.  I have been using my crystal deoderant and so far I am happy with that.  My radiologist and the techs told me that they would give me cream for redness.  I plan to ask for it when I start my treatments next week.  I want to start using it to begin with.  I do have the aloe vera.  I keep thinking I really need to buy a couple of cases of everything but I remind myself this is not going to last years just a month and half.  If I have no problems I will finish Aug 19. 

My prayers are with all of you,