Seperated and Lost

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Scrappygrl
Scrappygrl Member Posts: 120
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Had bc in 09.  Hubby treated me badly during treatment.  Last year I discovered him texting another women.  I was ready to leave but he insisted it was just texting nothing more.  Recently we had some troubles and I uncovered him having sex with her in our car.  He said I did not make him feel loved in two years. Well between BC and all that goes with, he changed from sweet to super moody/angry.  Then I went back to school.  He got Thyroid cancer at the begining of last year.  My mom got sick around the same time and passed away last summer. 

 We were supposed to move out of state but I decided to stay here with family and friends.  We have two kids young.  He says he wants us to work but his action says he doesn't.  He keeps posting ads online locally to meet women because he is "bored and lonely".  Telling me he is just wanting someone to go to movies with or hang out nothing more.  I know it is lie. He said he would stop searching but then yesterday posted another ad. My heart says stay and try to make it work but my mind screams NO NO NO.  Very unhappy with body since surgery as I went from 40DD to a 38A cup.  :/

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited June 2011

    LostOne...  It sounds like you've been through a lot, and I'm so sorry you're having marriage issues on top of everything else.  The way things are going, it sounds like you really need help figuring things out.  IMO, your DH's ads are way beyond anything most women would ever tolerate.  It sounds like you could both use some counseling.  Do you know if there's a psycologist or social worker available where you had your tx?  Marriage issues complicated by bc are something they should have a lot of experience with.  And if your hubby balks at going, maybe go at least one time yourself, to see if you can get any clarity on the situation.  I just don't think this is something either of you is going to be able to figure out or get a handle on yourselves.  Good luck!    Deanna

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    First, I'm glad you did not move away from your family, you will need their support.  A relationship counselor will help you make the decision to leave this man hopefully sooner than later.  I don't believe he has any interest in supporting you - his primary complaint is that you are not there for him. There's a certain kind of person that won't leave until they have someone else to go to - he's looking but nothing has clicked yet.  He'll keep looking till he finds one that will take him in.

    I hate to see you have this stress in your life right now. Do what is best for you.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    Can't he go to movies and hang out with a guy friend?

    It is good that you stayed near family and friends.  Gather that support around you.  Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself and your kids when he leaves, because he will. 

    Believe his actions, not his words.  He is telling you who he is, believe him.

    Once you lose 150 or so pounds (or however much DH weighs) I suspect that you will feel much better about your body image. 

    Take care of yourself, know that there are wonderful guys out there who will find you to be a gem, and that even if you don't find "that guy", life without the stress of someone who is being emotionally abusive toward you is better than what you are being put through now.

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