Great saying about depression

Rowan:  I had a very similar experience, though it wasn't a sorority reunion.  I am FB friends with a person I haven't seen in 20 years and this person now lives in NY.  Well, he was having an art showing within driving distance so I thought I would go and catch up.  Well, the people I thought would be there were not, however, I ran into people I haven't seen in 30 years!  I didn't even know that they knew each other!  I ran into my first big love of my life's roommate and his wife.  It was quite surreal.  I think that it's great that you went and that you went while still under treatment had to have been a challenge and I am happy that you are lookiing forward to the next one.  Hugs!

Barbe:  I think about this whenever I am in a group of women now.

Kate:  I hope you are still celebrating!

Slp1960 sorry you are having such a difficult time. Did you just finish up chemo? I was horribly depressed after treatment...I hated the way I looked ...I hated the way I felt. My first priority was feeling better. I had every joint in my body aching...I hated the way the expander was gauging my rib cage...I felt like I was 100 years old. I cried so much my eyes hurt. Following chemo I did acupuncture which help TREMENDOUSLY with the joint pain...I did 5 sessions but felt 80% better by the 3rd session. once that pain was gone I was ready to start to get back to more physical activities. I then had my exchange surgery which was also a HUGE relief. After that I felt really like my old self for the first time since diagnosis..that was (unfortunately) about 9 months following diagnosis. I truly believe once the physical is healed then you can work on the emotional. I think that is where most of us find ourselves now. I have good days and bad and as time goes on ...I have more good days than bad. I hope by the time I hit my two year mark I will have most of these feelings behind me. I wish (we wish) docs would tell you upfront...this journey may take two years before you feel like yourself again...sorta

We know it's hard but that's what is so good about BCO..there is a thread for just about anything you can think of and lots of cheerleaders, supporters and friends along the way. You can come here and vent..yell.say what you can't say to anyone else...and no one here is judging just listening and understanding. No one ever knows what its like to be in our shoes but us! You've come to the right place and everyone is hear to listen whenever you need.

Hang in there!

Diane

Barbe and MBJ--

Thanks for responding.  I know in the grand scheme of things it sounds like whining but I know you ladies understand.  I hadn't really thought about that statistic.  Kinda frightening really.  

Kate--loved reading your post--you sound like you are making great strides and give me hope.

Slp1960--you came to the right place.  I am going tonight to my first support group meeting for breast cancer survivors because I have the same feelings you are describing.  I read somewhere that two years out from breast cancer diagnosis that most women are in pretty good shape emotionally.  It's a long haul while we're in the midst of it.

Kate, what a GREAT way to end your bc journey!! A milestone. You are DONE. And you celebrated SO well, too! hehehehehehe

I am just so happy that everything worked out in the end...you really put your heart and soul out there, but it turned out perfect! Congrats!

Hi all,

 Happy belated birthday Kate- sounds like it was wonderful! I had not read Konakat's posts and not sure if I have read Cool breeze but it does always hit hard when we all lose someone on this board as we are all here for the same reason. Barb - I know this had to be especially hard for you. I think taking time off and taking time for yourself will be wonderful and something you so desperately need. 

Love reading about MBJ is it your husband who is the author? or Rowen. Can't look back without losing what I've written. I got to meet a friend of my SO's who is an author, in fact we stayed at the place the rent in the Bahamas. Anyway, she is a mystery writer, nothing heavy - very easy reads but her main sleuth is Hanna Ives who is a BC survivor as is Marcia the author. She is very nice interesting woman and I'm not sure how many books she has written or co-authored with but she says when someone does something awful to her or someone she knows then that person is usually reappears in the books as the victim. She says it is her own personal therapy- LOL! Anyway, if anyone is interested they are fun. Many are set up at Anapolis (sp?) where her husband was the music director for the Naval Academy and she was one of the librians. Anyway.... interesting.

Just retuned from taking my son up to camp - 9 hours away! He will be gone a month, started missing him on the drive home. We went up early and went to the beach something I hadn't done in what 6 years! It was so lovely - even had cool breezes! The waves were bid and rough and the kids and I had fun in the ocean. I had hoped going to the beach( which I dearly love) would be healing and theraputic for me... not sure if it worked. I have found I've been a lot more irritable, short, easily made angry and it hit me driving up that I'm probably depressed. 

Like Barb said, I know I haven't dealt with having BC and yes I went for more surgery to avoid chemo and rads too. So the emotional part is still not tapped into. Also dealing with the doctors and insurance well it just gets to be too much and so much all falling apart at my house and then being taken advantage of my workers sometimes I just feel like giving up and saying OK, I just can't do it anymore... So I'm sitting on the beach watching the crashing waves which should have been complete heaven for me and then I see them. Another family has brought their two puppies with them two little long hair dachsunds - one brown and the other black and tan like my little beloved Liesl. Well I just totally lost it! I just totally broke down and sobbed and couldn't stop crying. My poor kids didn't know what to do but I just couldn't stop and then the little black and tan one started over to me. It was just so horrible. I miss that little dog so much and I think that is it or it is just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I had her for 15 years but she went through all the deaths of my parents, my son's disability, my MIL's death, diagnosis of MS, divorce, moving, and BC. and I feel lost without her as she was who I talked to, who gave me comfort. I may have just written all this recently so please forgive me for repeating as I'm not sure who or where I wrote this. Anyway, seeing those little puppies just about killed me. 

So, I'm thinking I don't think I'm doing so well right now.... but have to get it together somehow for my kids. Sorry to write so long... 

Stanzie, as hard as seeing that dog on the beach was, it may have helped you tap into some raw feelings you have been keeping at bay. Losing a pet is like losing a family member. The grief process is the same! I'm so sorry you lost your beloved pet. Maybe one day you can get a new furry companion? {{{hugs}}}

barbe- Thank you!  I just feel so blessed that I had an opportunity to fix things physically.  I think that has helped me so much in being able to move forward emotionally.  I know I'll still have some rough days, though, but I feel better able to handle them.  

Stanzie- I can hear so much pain in your post and I wish there was something I could do to help.  I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed by life.  You have been dealing with so much for so long- not just BC.  You are amazingly strong and you'll get through it but I know how hard it is right now!  I admire you so much because, no matter how much you are dealing with in your own life, you always take the time to offer comfort and support to others.  You did for me many many times over the months and I'll always be grateful for that.

When I read your story about the pups at the beach I will tell you what came to mind.  That it was Liesl telling you that she is still here for you.  I know a lot of people do not believe that pets go to heaven.  But with their pure spirits, and the unconditional love they provide, if anyone deserves to go it is them.  I found it interesting that when you are at the beach, which you describe as a place you dearly love, at a time when you are feeling your lowest what should you see but a dachshund with the same coloring as Liesl?  And this is the one that comes towards you?  I wouldn't look at it as an event that caused you further pain but a sign of an attempt to comfort you.  And I think it is significant that there was one who looked like Liesl and she brought a friend.  Maybe she is letting you know that she understands how much you are hurting and how much you miss her.  And that maybe what you need is a new friend to love? 

Thank you all!!! Kate I have to say what you said did make me burst into tears but in a nice way. I'd love another pet but can't begin to do it now. I do still have our cat who until recently only liked my daughter but she has been trying to follow and take Liesl's place - she is trying but not the same thing.I don't know if I'll ever be ready as Rennasus says she was a member of the family - my first child and the one who was there for me and kept me sane and calm and happy. And you just can't replace a child even a furry one.

OH Barb .... what can anyone say? I so hate all this! 

 Thank you all so much!

So anyone know the difference between fat harvesting and lipo? 

Stanzie--I hope writing about your sadness on this board helped you.  I know exactly wha you mean about pets, too.  right now I have a dog, and she is only eight years old and she sticks to me like velcro.  My husband is not really a dog person, but I can't imagine myself without one.  Kate--your interpretation was beautiful-but like you said, it has to be when someone is ready. 

hmmm--using people who tick me off as victims--there's a new idea!

MBJ -- I am just totally fascinated with your postings about your temperature.  I'm sure you wish you didn't have that to write about witheverything else going on, but its all new to me.

 I went to my first support group meeting last night and I plan on going again.  About 7 or 8 women in all stages of this gruesome game.  My heart really went out to the two women who are facing BMX this week.  I told one I hoped the boob fairy was good to her (like we do on the xchange thread) and that brought a smile to her anxious face.  I guess I have to say I remember feeling abject terror prior to my BMX and I can say today that I can see improvement in my well being when I look back at that time.  tomorrow is my last visit to my PS before my exchange surgery--I might or might not need another fill.  Not looking forward to it if i do, the last one hurt for days, but I know what I am in for at this point, so that's a good thing.

Rowan:  I found my support groups very very helpful!  I was going through chemo at the time and felt so alone!

I decided to start a thread for the body temp:

Low Body Temperature anyone?

Thanks MJB!

Kate:  Wow, what a touching story and it has such a happy ending.  Hugs!

Stanzie- If I can't find a job I'll go with you!  Just to warn you, though, my cooking sucks!  LOL!  (I'm great at heating up soup, though!)  In the meantime, I can ask over on the fat graft site if anyone there had it done without having someone there.  If someone did they may be able to give you some advice.  Also, we could ask Dr. K's office if they make any special accommodations for patients who are alone.  We'll figure something out!

Kate:  I thought for sure you would be this amazing cook!  I am so surprised that your skills are just heating soup, lol!

I'm waiting to hear what my PCP says about the blood work results my onc had me 'urgently' take to him. I have some high 'cytes' level (monocytes, etc) but to me the more concerning one is high CO2. I can't find anything on Google to find out why I have high CO2!!! Why do they even test for it????

That's why I've been so quiet....