Really worried this time...

Thank you so much for the response! I know you are right and, though I've been telling myself some of this (some I didn't know and it is so helpful) it is so good to have it reinforced. I was actually doing alright until this morning.

 The last time, after I knew what I was facing, there was much more peace than I expected. You are so right. The hardest thing is not knowing. Thanks for being there and for the cyberhugs!

Thank you, patoo. It really is amazing that most days I have had peace. The hardest was the day before and since my appointment was first thing yesterday morning, there was no time to worry. I had a mammogram, ultrasound, core biopsy and skin biopsy (Doctor was concerned about a pinkness that didn't seem normal). She wanted to do a full surgical biopsy but since I had had aspirin within the last week, that wasn't an option.

 Since I was there all day, she said the report wouldn't be in until Wednesday. The peace is still with me. Thank you for the prayers. The one bad time was more frustration, than anxiety. I discovered this morning that the radiologist took the core to the side of the lump. Hopefully he angled it so tissue from the suspect area was gotten. They also put in a small titanium marker so that can be checked, I guess.

The office called today to see how I did (They are so caring and supportive at this clinic) and made my appointment for Wednesday. I told the nurse about the possible wrong placing of the core biopsy area.

 The doctor said that from one view, it looks malignant, but from another angle it doesn't, so it is a little different than the usual patient. Whatever happens, I do know that God is in control and often gives peace when we most need it. When the doc was doing the skin biopsy I was imagining meeting Jesus in heaven and when she asked how I was doing, I said I had my mind on something else. When I told her what she said, "You are going to live until you are an old, stooped over old lady." I said, "It's always a beautiful picture to have in my mind, whenever it happens."

Whatever the results, I will let you know. If I have to make treatment choices, I'll start a new topic in another forum.

 Thank you again for your encouragement and prayers!

Sorry I'm so late getting back to you. This is the first I've been online. As the doctor and I expected, the tumor was malignant. The mri shows 4 centimeters. She is a little concerned about a reddish color around the area and says that, though she thinks it likely doesn't mean inflamatory breast cancer, she doesn't want to make a mistake. She took it to the panel of doctors at the hospital and they agreed that we should do chemo first. Monday (tomorrow) I see the onc, and Wedneday they place the port. I am comfortable so far with the center (the nurses etc are compassionate and caring, more than I've experienced before. The Betty Ford Breast Cancer Center in GR, and Butterworth hospital (Spectrum System) has a good reputation. I could go to the Cleveland Clinic, or maybe Mayo. Texes is too far. I have back and hip problems that make travel difficult. If there are chemo choices I won't know until Monday and waiting for long for a second opilnion would be difficult, so unless I'm really concerned about the Onc's recommendation (My nurse navigator told me she was the best they had there) I will start as soon as they set it up. I will likely have questions I forget to ask and may post in another thread for diagnosed patients. Thank you so much for your caring messages! Peggy

Thank you, Beau. I have been limited physically so don't have a large circle of friends, but have a few who are praying and enlisting the prayers of their churches. My husband is supportive and my three daughters will be there to help as much as they can. Have reacted badly to many meds before. (Sleeping pills keep me awake :-0 )  But I do have xanax. Have taken it for years for an anxiety disorder. It helps me sleep also.

 My daughters are having a hard time with this. We are very close. I have to stay strong for them. 

 It was almost funny today. I looked in the mirror while washing my hands and burst into tears. "I'm probably going to lose my hair!" Up until then that wasn't something I thought I would care much about. I think maybe i needed the release of a good cry.

 So far I've been able to keep my sense of humor. It has served me well through difficult times. Hoping to find some funny, even hilarious dvds. We might sign up for netflix. They need to be PG movies though. Too much sexual innuendos and coarse language tears me down rather than builds me up. Think I'll look for posts on funny movies in the forum! Reading Bible verses and prayer usually brings me peace.

I'm scared. Sometimes to the point of sweating. But will take it a step at a time.

I'm so glad you are there. The reading I've had time to do on the forum lets me know this is a wonderful group of people here. I will probably post in the forums sooner or later.

Peggy