February 2011 chemo pals

Mrs Divine. I'm so sorry to hear that. As if you haven't been through enough already. Fingers crossed it's nothing too major and everything moves forward for you. How long do you have to wait to see your primary care physician? 

Ms divine - ug! Seems like none of us can get a break! Hugs!

Thinking of you divine too- it's certainly a roller coaster ride this breast cancer stuff.

I am now over 3 weeks out- eating feels good. The muscle weakness is rough w/ my legs- I have started some walking- just 10-20 minutes. The burn goes away after a bit- man mornings getting started moving and exercise are still rough.

Those ahead of me- when again does that get better??

Thanks.

Lisa

MAMAV, I was thinking of you yesterday, the worst day yet on the Taxol, and I'd rate it up there with the AC part of my treatment.  I was hysterical over how much discomfort I was in.  I knew you hated these last couple we're facing, so I wanted to share that with you.  I didn't think I was going to be able to go to bed because of the pain in my body, but I kept shoving an extra of this pill and an extra of that pill in my mouth, and finally I laid down in bed and slept eight hours straight through.  I felt so much better this morning than yesterday morning.  When I looked in the mirror yesterday, I had an expression on my face like I'd been shot.  I have this peripheral neuropathy in my arms and hands that hurts a lot, but meds help usually, but not the last half of the day.  I moaned and groaned, and husband finally came out and sat with me for a while and squeezed my swollen toes.  I can make it through the last two, I know it, but I felt so much hopelessness yesterday, like on the AC, you think it's never gonna end.  I hope your side effects haven't been too terrible, but I'm holding your hand right now if they were or are.

Folks, I'm sorry I come on with these big proclamations about how awful I'm doing.  I write too much and complain too much.  I have found myself worrying endlessly about when to get a cleaning lady in, when I had already decided to do it the last half of the summer, after surgery.  I worry about my teeth, I need some pulled, and yet I know I cannot do anything about it until winter, when they finally release me and tell me no cancer left in my body, something about the infection worries me, the clinic I go to doesn't give antibiotics, so will have to get them thru a regular doc.  Apparently the infection.... well, there I go again, you see what I mean?  I can twist and turn some rag a million times and still get dirty dishwater out of it.

But one thing that does help, and that's to remember as hard as I can that I have decided once I am set free, I will assume no matter what, I've been given two years of no more trouble (my average based on dates of recurrence in people), and perhaps even my whole life, the latter of which I expect, but I'll take the two years.  I'm gonna live with the knowledge we all have that we are in danger, and yet give myself free pass for two years, that much I know, the cancer can't bug me during that time.  It will be winter when all treatment stops, so cannot do much, but since I missed seeing much of my family in the spring, I'll make up for it Christmastime.  We get snow, but I'll go when I can if it does.  And next spring, husband and I will go to our favorite hotel in Charleston SC, just a few hours straight drive to the beautiful historic town and beaches.  I grew up near beaches, went at least every year right up into my 50s.  And by then, my home will finally be cleaned, it's been messy for a couple years, haven't felt well.  And I will do my painting and TRY to do a few short stories, I don't want to leave this world without leaving a book on some dusty shelf in an old college library, "This is the section of our less well-known writers."

Husband and I will go on walks together more and more.  I'm telling you, I'm glad I started first of June, becuz right now I feel so poorly that I have not gone outside one single time since I came home from chemo last week.  But we will try to get ourselves together and push our worn-out bodies around our property, love this place where we live, will try to take the dogs with us, but they are getting rather old, but one day we'll have a new dog we can exercise and play with, if we can get in shape.  I want to plant some dogwood trees in our yard, it has so many trees but not that one, and we used to have several at our bigger house a few neighborhoods over.  It will remind me of where I am, in NC, home of my ancestors.  I will shop in our cute downtown for some art or maybe a rabbit statue for my collection, we had house bunnies for a few years.  I might even take my mother to lunch, something we used to enjoy, and then browse a nearby clothing shop.  But if I can just sit on my front porch next spring and watch the sun spread out over the green grass, listen to the birds, and sigh, I will be happy.  I will forget all this, except for you ladies who listen to my rants, and have held onto me whilst on this struggling ship in rough seas, warming my soul, seeing me through to morning.  Love, GG

Dogeyed - thank you! I am hating this so much I just want to scream and cry and scream! I'm tired of being tired of it all! I have 2 more taxol - this week and next and there are so many moments I feel like I will never get there. And, of course, now I am totally freaking out about radiation! I just don't know how much more of this I can take!

Hey ladies! I just want to be a little encouraging. I've been reading and I'm sorry if any of you are feeling poorly.

I've finished 7 rads treatments so far, and it's going pretty well. It is a little strange but definately not as bad as chemo. I visited with a woman today in our cancer center. It was her last one. Yay! I told her that I'm excited it's her last one, but I'm sure she isn't...b/c even though it's the last one, it still sucks. She said...EXACTLY! Everyone tells me to be excited and she said, of course I am, but it doesn't make that last one any easier. 

Here's to everyone getting one day closer. You can do it. I think one of the best peices of advice I ever heard was, be kind to yourself.  

My DH's secretary went to Plant City - famous for strawberries, and bought a truckload so he brought home half the truckload (I exaggerate) right in the middle of chemo.  We ate a lot of strawberries with ice cream, but I also cut some up and froze them for smoothies.  That was all the energy I could muster!  Michelle your jam sounds delish!!!

No advice on the brows and lashes but I miss mine terribly, too!

I finished chemo 6 weeks ago and none of my hair has started to grow back yet. =/ I think the fuzz I had on my head has grown slightly longer but I don't see new growth. And to top it off, my eyebrows are slowing going now. I still have some eyelashes. My ONC told me 4-6 weeks. So I'm hoping to see something soon!

Charlottesmama - me too; brows and lashes were 1/2 long and going strong until about 4th of taxol. Then gone again! Only had tiny stubble on my head, but that's gone too. I know what you mean about looking like a chemo victim. Hate it!!!!!!



Good luck with taxol tomorrow. I was in the chair today. Last taxol next Thursday!!

None so far. I'll let ya know when it starts to grow. I had TAC so maybe mine was a little more toxic. Especially the taxotere? It sounds that way from what Charlottesmama has experienced.

JEN, we are pleased you got some support by reading our posts, I think we all feel the same way, sharing is so helpful lin tough times.

MAMAV, I could hardly wait to get on here today and relish how you & I only have ONE MORE to go!  I truly cannot believe it, and I am just so relieved.  Yesterday when I went in, I STILL felt side effects from previous Taxol, so instead of feeling halfway okay around Tues or so, it never quit.  So, I'm thinking after last Taxol, it'll take me 10 days to get past the worst of it, and then will come those little "pieces of heaven:" I remembered from when I got an extra week off during AC.  I will also finally get my surgery about then, sometime before end of July anyway, another big relief.  Rads will be the last piece of crapola I have to deal with, mid-August I guess the six weeks begin.  Sigh.  I think when I'm done, I shall roll over in bed and not get out of it until the leaves change here in mid-October.  As tired as I'm sure I will still be, I will indeed make it out to the gazebo to look at the blast of color from all our beautiful trees.  Lotsa love, Gail

On the eyebrow/eyelash thing: doesn't seem fair that it is growing in like crazy everywhere I don't want it...I will be able to apply at he fair to be the amazing bearded woman I think! My hair on my head started coming in totally grey , but eyelashes and brows haven't started coming back!

Had my sugery Wed, dbl mastectomy and the lymph nodes out on one side and I guess a cpl on the other side to test...they turned out ok, good thing b/c I don't want to have blood pressure taken on my leg! Doing ok...little sore, mostly where they cut under my arm every now and then I just get a stabbing pain like someone slashed me with a knife. Otherwise I just feel like I have bench pressed 400 lbs. Radiation next in a few weeks I guess when I am somewhat healed from this.

Glad so many people are finishing up, the complaints sound familiar...taxol was very hard on me, felt like i was in labor for three days, it was much harder than AC was for me. The hotflashes are awful and they give me a hard time sleeping, even worse now that I can't sleep on my side...definately not a back sleeper.

I had to add my favorite comment/response I have had from others: "What's your prognosis?" Really?...Am I supposed to say, "They gave me three months" ??? Someday I will do that just to shock them!

Keep up the good attitudes ladies! Love you all!

Cheering on you ladies that are so close to being done chemo! I can hardly believe my last chemo treatment was 7 weeks ago and that I have now completed 3 weeks of radiation. For me, after the absolute misery of chemo ( FEC first 3 rounds and taxotere last 3 rounds) radiation is a peice of cake so don't be nervous about it. If you have had an especially miserable experience with chemo you will be pleasantly surprised that radiation isn't so bad. ( except for that daily drive)

I am now feeling like I am almost back to normal. Leg weakness is much improved although neuropathy in soles of feet is still there.Lymphedema started about 3 weeks ago and I am seeing physio. My energy level has improved and my only big complaint still is my taste buds are still not great. Anyone else still having this issue after so many weeks past chemo?