My Husband has Breast Cancer

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Haljen
Haljen Member Posts: 45
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

He was diagnosed in February surgery in April and just started chemo this past Wednesday. I am his primary caregiver. I am still working 40 hours per week and between the stress of work and caring for him, I think I may have a breakdown. I had a mini one yesterday and went in the shower so he didn't see. I've been so strong for him so far but the side effects of the chemo are really hard for him and hard for me to see him in so much pain and fatigue. I have just found this forum and am glad to have a cyberspace support group! :-) Hugs to you all!!!!!

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited June 2011

    The role of a caregiver is a very difficult one - a role that most people don't consider and have compassion for - it is always about the person with cancer that should get all of the support.

    It was very considerate of you to have a meltdown in the shower so your husband couldn't see it.  I found out 6 months after diagnosis that my husband was scared to death because his mother died of BC - he came across as uncaring, etc. but he told me that he was really scared but felt that he had to be the strong one and not show his feelings so that I wouldn't be even more scared.

    This is a hard position for you to be in and I hope that it gets better for you as time goes on.  You do need to find some "me time" to rejuvenate yourself emotionally so that you can be there for your husband.

    ((((( hugs))))))

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  • CoolBreeze
    CoolBreeze Member Posts: 4,668
    edited June 2011

    I'm so sorry.  I honestly think this experience is much harder on my family than it is on me.  I hope that you have friends who can help you get out and do something to take your mind off it.  It's important that you get some rest and relaxation too.  

    My poor husband has had to take on most of what I used to do - cooking, cleaning.  He has done it without complaint but I know it's hard on him.  I'm just so sorry for what this disease does to our families. 

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  • EnglishMajor
    EnglishMajor Member Posts: 2,495
    edited June 2011

     You might also  the Y-Me support line. They talk to caregivers as well as patoents. They might also have other resource ideas for you. 

    Hang in there

    YourShoes 24/7 Breast Cancer Support Center
    Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization
    The only place in the world to call 24/7/365 and talk to a breast cancer survivor.
    Call 1-800-221-2141 or e-mail us now.
    At the heart of Y-ME National Breast Cancer OrganizationTM is the YourShoes® 24/7 Breast Cancer Support Center, the only place in the world where someone can call - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year - and talk to a breast cancer survivor and be understood in 150 languages.

    "You have cancer" are the most frightening words a patient can hear a doctor say. For newly diagnosed individuals, support is crucial and it helps to talk to someone who's been through the same experience, a "peer."

    Peer support is the cornerstone of Y-ME. We are survivors who have been in "YourShoes" and are here day and night. We cry with you; we laugh with you; we help you figure out what questions to ask your doctor; we can give you a wig or prosthesis. We provide breast cancer support today.

    Call 1-800-221-2141 to reach the YourShoes® 24/7 Breast Cancer Support Center.

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  • justjudie
    justjudie Member Posts: 3,397
    edited June 2011

    Hello Haljen,



    I am so very sorry that your husband has been diagnosed with this disease. I have often said to my husband that I know his job as caretaker is a lot hatder than mine. Having the cancer is no picnic, believe me, but if the roles were reversed I know it would be even harder. I also see my poor husband workd hard all day at a VERY demanding job qnd coming home to do most of what I used to do. He has been such a wonderful support, i cannot express how much I love and appreciate him. I am sure your husband feels the same way. I alos hate what this rotten disease does to all our families as well as what it does to us unfortunate enought to get it.



    Please know that we are all here for you, so feel free to come here and let it out. You are under a big emotional and physical burden right now so please come and lean on us. We do know what you and your husband are going through. Also, I believe there is a thread for men with breast cancer if you think your husband might want to see what other men going thru this have to say. You are definitely not alone.



    Judie

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  • Haljen
    Haljen Member Posts: 45
    edited June 2011

    Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support! I try to get a little 'me time' once in a while. I garden, it gets my mind off things for a bit whil he either sleeps or plays video games! I am a flower girl and find so much enjoyment on the garden. This is such a wonderful site, just wish I found it a little sooner. I feel like my brain has been in a fog the past 3 month. This whole experience seems so surreal sometimes!

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited June 2011

    Haljean...

    Being the caregiver is so very difficult. I have been a caregiver (for my father) and now I'm a patient. I think the caregiving was more stressful! Do take time for yourself... it will keep you sane. I have corresponded with Jennifer, from the male breast cancer forum, who is in your same situation. She started a spousal support thread, but I don't know that anyone has responded. I'll bump it up, in case. There is great support here... wishing you and your husband the best...

    Rose. 

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  • Haljen
    Haljen Member Posts: 45
    edited June 2011

    Hi Rose, thanks so much for bumping the thread! I'll check it out! This site has been great, so much info and support! What a great group you all are! (((((Hugs)))))

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