Not quite a horder - decluttering

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  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 1,393
    edited June 2012
    Deleted to protect my privacy.
  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited June 2011

    Joylieswithin, please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you need help in the form of talk therapy to begin to conquer your hoarding tendencies.  A therapist or pyschologist trained in helping a person in your situation, and possibly medication, may be what's needed to start you on your way.  I'm a believer in getting professional help this way.  It sounds like you've been trying to figure things out on your own but not having any success.  I think the first step would be to reach out to help from a professional.  

    The hoarding shows always seem to have professionals that are understanding and non-judgemental. Hopefully you could find someone like that.  And some shows have mentioned that this can be a type of behavior that seems inherited; it was interesting that you saw similar patterns between you and your mother.

    For me, having too much stuff around and not knowin what's where, or not being able to locate something when I need it, is what stresses me more than throwing something away..  Good luck with this.  I think it would be worth your while to try to come to terms with it.  God bless.

  • Faithroad
    Faithroad Member Posts: 432
    edited June 2011

    JoyLiesWithin -
    It's a pleasure to meet you, thank you for posting here.  I can understand how all our throwing would cause you stress.  We are all different.  I hope you are able to move ahead in making your life and home more comfortable.  My appartment also sort of fell apart starting with my cancer journey.  I'm trying to improve but it will take some time.  I have a cable man coming today so I need to clean at least the one room.  Baby steps! 

    Hang in there, and stop by here anytime.  Hope you are healing from your BC experience.  I'm seven months out, but it doesn't feel that long...where has the time gone.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 1,393
    edited June 2011

    Thanks Faith.  It's two years this weekend since I found the changes that led to the diagnosis.  A year of treatments then a year sorting out my mother. I guess I posted so I'll be committed now to coming back here and so I'll be motivated to make some progress with all my clutter. I hope you're finding it helpful too.  I guess there's a feeling of not being on our own with the problem.

    One of the ladies on a hoarding site always used to say Fly lady things, Baby steps.  Fifteen minutes at a time. 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    Joylieswithin,

    This group has been a big help to me. Honestly, we develop "blinders" to our own clutter. that's why it's so helpful to have a group like this for input. There is a conciousness-raising aspect to this, I'm finding. There are some good books out there. Some people say repeatedly that they don't know what to do with perfectly good fabric, magazines, etc. They get paralyzed and stop thinking about it.

     When I was away for a week, I noticed that I never needed any of my under the bathroom sink "necessities." So this was a good conciousness raiser for me. I think this is a progressive journey. If you can declutter a bulging drawer then you can work your way up to another small goal. I'm getting accustomed to the fact that it will always hurt to throw out a perfectly good bottle of unused hand lotion but I'm getting used to it. It gets easier.

    I love to scroll back reading the stories here. They are an inspiration! (Boy, I still envy Suzwes having a DIL to help.) Thank you all :D

  • mbtlcsw01
    mbtlcsw01 Member Posts: 744
    edited June 2011
    My DH now works from home.  We went through the house several weekends ago and REALLY de-cluttered.  Today, he's taken 3 loads on our trailer to the Salvation Army and some exercise equipment (we didn't useFrown) to our son's house.  I made 3 piles in the garage for my sons who were here recently and told them to go through them.  If they did not take what they wanted, it was going to Salvation Army.  Amazing how much was taken and what was left.  What a great feeling to get rid of all this stuff.
  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited June 2011

    JLW, it sounds like you need someone to hold your hand as you toss things out. Well, we're here to do it virtually. I do find it helps me to announce I will be doing something or have done something no matter how small. It's reality when I press the submit button.

    I bought a fancy labeling machine today (see no. 12 above). I'll post here when I do start using it.Wink

    Today I most definitely have to start decluttering DD's room while she is away with her girl scout troop until Monday. I'll put everything she no longer uses in bags and haul them into the cellar for her to inspect when she gets home. I have tried this strategy before and it works. Once it's in the cellar, it's easier for her to agree to get rid of it.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    Heidi,

    Kidnapping the clutter? Now there is a good idea. I think I will sneak into hubbie's home office and kidnap the 14 eyeglass cases taking up drawer space, put them in a bag and see if he misses them. Wink

  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited June 2011

    JoyLiesWithin,  It sounds like things have been rather stressful for you. I so understand. My dad died  in January. I was lucky enough to live near him so was with him till the end. Now I have the joy of trying to decide what to do with all his stuff. I just find so many memories, and have been unable to get rid of anything. It is so bad I still have moms clothes that will never fit me  in my closet. She made all her clothes, I just can't give them away. So my house is still cluttered with old furnature anchient dishes ect.

  • samsue
    samsue Member Posts: 757
    edited June 2011

    JoyLW, I've helped a couple of friend with decluttering their house and also a dear friend that downsized to assisted living. I had no attachment to what they were trying to decide what they wanted to keep or not so if they couldn't decide, we set it aside and went to something else. Actually we had four piles, keep, throw away (this was stuff like papers, broken/not repairable) and the donate and not sure. We tried to keep the not sure pile small! And, it was OK if they wanted to keep the item, we just had to have a place to put it.

    Working in the laundry sounds like a great idea. Painting and refreshing it and making it a space you will want to work in. Shelving is great... can you put any above the W/D? I have plastic bins but DD uses really cool wicker baskets. They "hide" items that need to be at reach. I would sort the stuff as I put them back into the laundry room.... keep, throw, give away.... not sure.

    Glad you found us.... everyone here keeps me on my toes! I've got a huge amount of shredding yet to do. And the tops of my counters are still full of "stuff". While motivating you, it also motivates me. Laughing

  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 1,393
    edited June 2012
    Deleted to protect my privacy.
  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited June 2011

    When my son was little, all I could tackle to declutter sometimes was a drawer or a closet; take 20 minutes and straighten one small thing around.  Sometimes I'd pull a drawer out and sit in front of the TV watching one of my favorite shows, going thru the drawer to clean it out.   It wasn't til DS got his license and was more independent that I had larger blocks of time to deal with larger issues.  

    I want to address holding onto the stuff of our parents.  Years ago, my parents passed away within 9 months of each other, and I held on to a lot of their things for years. It took well over 10 years to finally truly decide what stuff of theirs to keep and what was unnecessary.  I kept photos, letters, and other momentoes but was finally able to decipher what was simply some junk.  It did take years for me to come to terms with it. My advantage was I had several unused rooms in my house to store it and not have to deal with it.  Then, for some reason, I had a type of breakthrough on my thinking, and I started to seriously look at what I was keeping and why. It was an emotional cleansing of sorts.

    JoyliesWithin, it is nice to hear that you are dealing with your issues in your own terms.  And you have had much to deal with emotionally.  I agree with taking baby steps, you can still make progress that way. 

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Faithroad
    Faithroad Member Posts: 432
    edited June 2011

    I got the living/dining room clean!!  Still lots of paper to sort through, but I'm glad to see some progress.

    (Sorry to come back and edit my posts, I make a lot of typos.)

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    JoyLiesWithin, sounds to me like you have taken the first steps just coming and posting.  I think that is going to be what makes you successful in this, accountability to your cybersisters.  So, we're watching and waiting, in love - you can do it!

    So I "rented" a teen from church and in an hour she had pulled out tons of stuff from 2 deep closets, one in the garage that went back under the stairs and another deep and narrow in my laundry hall.  Now it's all in my garage waiting for me to sort through to discard, sell at the yard sale next month or give away.  That motivated me to pull out lots of papers, dating back into the early 90's and I spent hours yesterday and today shredding.  Still have much more to do as I'm probably only 1/3 of the way through the papers but I'm more motivated to keep it going.  I know of one bin that probably has 1980's "documents".  Now why have I been keeping utility bills from 20 years ago????? 

    But it's good to finally be started instead of just looking about and thinking about it.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Faithroad
    Faithroad Member Posts: 432
    edited June 2011

    Teka - this is the only time I apoligized for my editing and typos.  I read it on someone else's post, and being new here, I thought maybe it's rude to be editing all the time.  But if you do it and I do it, there must be lots of people that do it just as much as us.  *grin*

    Patoo - you got an awesome "rent-a-kid"!  Good for you on all your progress!  I actually DON'T save any bills and am looking forward to setting up a file system where I can have at least one of each monthly bill in the files for contact information.  Your signature line is so sweet....a prayer going up.  Very thoughtful. 

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    Thanks Faith, I love your signature as well.  I always feel safe there.

    Tired this evening after working and the gym but will continue my shredding tomorrow.  Will save the sorting for the weekend.

  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 1,393
    edited June 2011

    I managed to throw out some things from the laundry pile and move others to a more suitable place.  The new washing machine should arrive tomorrow and I've got so much washing saved up.  It should rain for the next two days and I don't use a drier so I'll hang some under the car port if I have to, then I'll be doing sheets and towels when the sun comes out.  Finally I'll be able to sort through the rest of the laundry contents and rearrange the draws and cupboards.

    I found myself doing little cleaning and organising jobs in the bathroom and kitchen so it will be easier when I get around to de-hoarding those rooms.  I was thrilled to realise what I was doing as my previous good habits that I'd dropped came right back without any conscious thought.

    I cleaned out the bottom of the fridge and threw out some old food among other things.

  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited June 2011

    Glad to see you are getting some of your old self back, JLW.

    I have a 60-liter bag from cleaning out some closets this weekend. I also have 6 shopping bags of toys, puzzles and games from DD's room. She knows they are going to the cellar. Wink

  • Faithroad
    Faithroad Member Posts: 432
    edited June 2011
    JoyLiesWithin -  Awesome job in the laundry room!!!!!!!!!!  And organizing in the kitchen and bathroom!  Too bad you have so much laundry to do, but what a wonderful fresh smell things will have from drying outside.  I have fond memories of that freshness, when I had a clothes line.  I'm in an appartment now, no clotheslines here.  Speaking of that, I should throw a load in tonight too!

    I see you are from down under.  My ex-brother-in-law was from Sidney. Born in Tazmania.  I have always wanted to visit Autralia.
  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited June 2011

    I also can remember the smell of clothes dried on the line. I always loved to climb into the bed with the fresh outdoor smell.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited June 2011

    I would love to hang my clothes, but live in a deed resricted area. What a bummer.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2011

    Okay, Hoarders is on right now.  Hard to believe people really live like that.  Sad, but it definitely is a disease that needs help.  Still not sure what is the underlying cause although it seems like it could be many things and manifests, in these cases, in hoarding.

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