I can't believe this !

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Judysboy
Judysboy Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

    My beautiful girfriend has breast cancer . She is faced with surgery / treatment . We don't live together but have spent evey weekend with each other since we've met , save for this last weekend I spent alone . Over the last couple of weeks she has been "hesitant" about having me over . Its almost like she wants to put some distance between us . I have intentionally avoided discussion about it with her at her request . I can't tell her that I'm worried or scared because she's already there and I don't want to add to it . This why I'm here today so I can say that I'm worried and afraid for this woman who means the world to me .   

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  • jzo924
    jzo924 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2011

    Tell her how you feel.  Often, as women we need to hear our significant other's voice, even though we know how you feel.  Tell her you want to be there no matter what.  Good luck!

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  • cmbear
    cmbear Member Posts: 1,086
    edited June 2011

    She is probably very scared and if like me, doesn't want to burden her significant other with her pain and fears. If you plan on being there, thru the possible hair loss, loss of her breasts, weight gain etc--than let her know you are not going anywhere. That you'll be there to listen and hold her when she needs you. I think secretly a few of us BC women think that if our SO had a choice, they would run for the hills. Knowing that you will stay no matter what, hopefully will make her feel better. 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited June 2011

    Hi Judysboy, let her know how you feel as this will be very important to her.  She will be scared, confused and mainly numb at the moment and somewhat confused by all the tests and recommendations that she is getting from the doctors.  She will also be feeling selfconcsience about the disfuguring surgery she is facing and the possibility of how ill she will be during chemo should that be requred.  Let her know that even with all of this it makes no difference to how you feel about her, all this on the outside does not affect the person within and if you are truly committed to her tell her and just be there.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • mrsnjband
    mrsnjband Member Posts: 1,409
    edited June 2011

    If you love then tell her why you do & that you will always be there for her no matter what!  Tell her it's okay to be scared, we can get through this. Just be there for her in the little things & the big things.  That you love her more than body parts, because that isn't who the real person is.  You love her for her soul & her personality.  My hubby has been great to support me & be there for me.  He cooks & cleans the kitchen & he even take out the trash.  With out his support I would be doing as well as I am because of his love & support these almost 4 years.  NJ

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  • Rennasus
    Rennasus Member Posts: 1,267
    edited June 2011

    I agree with all the ladies above. What we as women need to hear is that you still love us, and will still love us, and that we'll get through this together. Then just listen to her. You don't have to "solve" anything unless she specifically asks you to. Really, we just need a sympathetic ear from someone who gets us! 

    Remember, too, you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to do everything right, you just have to be there. Sometimes physically, sometimes only emotionally. Try not to read her mind. Just ask questions. ;-) Good luck and keep us posted!

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited June 2011

    You are a sweet man who obviously cares very much for your girlfriend. I would let her know that you're in it together, but take your cues from her. She is distancing herself because she is scared, but I suspect she will open up more as she adjusts to her diagnosis. Do not underestimate how important you are to her at this time! Even if it's talking on the phone vs. seeing her in person, whatever she's comfortable with, just let her know that you care! I wish both of you the very best...

    Rose.

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