Does it Matter???

Lynh · May 2011

Does it matter? Does it really mean so much to be right? To get the last word? Does it matter how it appears to others? I come to this forum to see what's new. To see what other women are doing who believe in or who are exploring alternative treatment. Yet, it never fails. The threads deteriorate into a battle ground. I recently told a newly diagnosed friend " I don't read the breast cancer board because there is so much fighting'" It's depressing, it's upsetting. This should be a place of support, a place of comfort, a place of love and understanding. Yet, it's not.

Many of us explore alternative for lots of reasons. It doesn't mean we're stupid. Often times, it just means we are looking for something different, for many reasons. Reasons that are personal to us. Personally, I appreciate differing views, but I don't appreciate the hateful attitudes that are often displayed here. It's not always about being right. It's not about educating those that might think differently than you because we are too stupid to figure it out for ourselves. I wonder if some of you have any idea of how many women you drive away with your bickering and hateful posts? For me, what's important, is supporting women in similar circumstances. I don't think any of us signed up for this, yet here we are.

Laurie08 · May 2011

I too have had negative comments made to me, nasty PM's etc. I think it's like the old saying "there's an asshole in every crowd." my Mom used to say that. I think we fight back and think we might show someone the error of their ways. Then we find out their happy to be the way the are. Some people just are the way they are. It's important for me to support others and receive support here too. So I try to ignore the negative and reach out toward the positive. You would think in this type of forum we wouldn't have to deal with it. I know I was surprised. When saying to another poster who was rather heartless that we were all here for support she said " these are discussion boards not support boards. " Delusional.

Member_of_the_Club · May 2011

I think these boards are, for the most part, extremely supportive. There is much more bickering here in the alt section than elsewhere and even here its really just a few folks. Considering theamount of traffic these boards get, i think it is really just a vocal minority. If you can just ignore it, it won't bother you.

BarbaraA · May 2011

I'm with Laurie, bullies and a-holes are everywhere. I choose to ignore them. That is what the ignore button was made for. Life is too short to get caught up in inanity.

mdg · May 2011

People do come here for support. It does not mean they are lacking something in their life. It means they want to connect with other people going through the same experiences that better understand their feelings than those around them that have not gone through this and don't understand. I am not bizarre because I seek support this way. It just works for me.

I went to a support group locally that was full of much older women that can't relate to raising a young child while battling breast cancer. Here I can connect with women who are in a more similar situation and discuss those challenges. Other than BC I had nothing in common with those women and they could not relate to my specific challenges. During chemo I had to get up everyday and chasea 4 year old...the nice older ladies in the support group could not relate. That support group was giving me nothing.

Why do you care what other's reasons are for coming to these discussion boards? I take a bit of offense to your post. It really seems a bit negative and judgemental. Personally, I don't care what your reasons are for coming to these boards - that's your business. I have no judgement about your reasons for coming here. It is nice when we can all come here and contribute by sharing experiences and information about what we have learned along the way. To me, those things support others and are not bizarre.

NattyOnFrostyLake · May 2011

Yes, it is truly offensive to say someone coming here for support is lacking something in their day to day life.

What makes any face to face contact inherently better than discriminating online contact? Clue: That was a rhetorical question.

Like others, I have no breast cancer survivors in my immediate community of my age or background. Even if I did, I choose certain insightful women online to relate to and share with.

I understand what it is like to be the youngest around with breast cancer and have well meaning 60 and 70 year old women offer advice. I like these women but they have raised their children.

I also like coming here in the middle if the night (well 11 PM) and checking on any new strategy the research-oriented old-timers are using.

So please don't pass judgements on my life.

NattyOnFrostyLake · May 2011

Stand by your opinion til the cows come home. Nobody cares.

Also, for someone who claims to have a real life, you sure do post here a lot--especially about how much you hate women. You might want to think about that self-hatred issue.

I'm pushing the ignore button so I won't see any more of your posts. I'm following lynh's inspiration. Bye!

Kay_G · May 2011

Wow just wow. Of course we come here for information and support (both to give and to receive). And of course that does not mean something is lacking in our real lives. Just wow.

Lynh · May 2011

Sorry JbinOK your last post was exactly what I meant when I started this topic. Really? Really? You don't believe that someone would come here in the middle of the night? What about a busy mom who doesn't have time to check in on the boards during the day? What about someone who has trouble sleeping? Been there and done that. Your post made me sad. This is exactly what drives women away.

Anonymous · May 2011

Let me add my WOW,,, I have plenty of support with friends and others who have gone through this but I have found incredible support and made new friends and learned new things here. I can't say that I come here in the middle of the night, but I can say that I don't always sleep all that well as I'm facing a major surgery.

I did see in the past weeks (I've only been here since April) that there was some concern about people coming here "fradulantly". I have NO idea why someone would come here if they did not have some concerns about breast cancer.

If you don't want to support someone who is here for that reason, then I would suggest you just don't respond-naive me. What do you get out of being angry and bitter and taking it out on people here? I really am confused.

And just to add, I have a full life, am in the top 10% of earners in the US for women, and have my best friendships still from high school, college and graduate school, so I am in no way "isolated" from anyone.

Member_of_the_Club · May 2011

Wow, JB, why are you attacking someone for saying that she has found some great support here? Seriously, if you don't find support on these boards thats your business, no need to attack someone else.

Absolutely women come here in the middle of the night. Cancer patients aren't the best sleepers and if its 3:00 AM, where are you going to have that precious face-to-face interaction? (plus she said 11:00). And why is face to face better. I was in a support group in which I was both the youngest person and the only node-positive woman. I found I had much more in common with some of the women here, and was able to get some valuable information in those early days when everything was new.

Anonymous · May 2011

Rehm,

Welcome to the group. I hope you'll find all the information and support you need.

When I first joined BCO there was someone who was trying to work out her anger here. One of the older members gave me a great tip. If you click on an angry person's name it will take you to a page where you will find an IGNORE THIS MEMBER option. Click on it. It has been a blessing.

Good luck on your journey. PM me if you ever need anything.

Anonymous · May 2011

Jb, Please see my "edited" post-I don't post here becaue I "need" friends...but all new friends are welcome in my life.

Anonymous · May 2011

thank you Lucy, I am not put off by people who express their opinions, and, as I think I said I have found incredible support here, so nothing anyone says would change that-I was just genuinly surprised-and in retrospect,probably should have just kept my thoughts to myself.. But I was somewhat concerned because of all the support I have found here. Done now (not with the site, but with this thread). Pat

YramAL · May 2011

I see that JB has joined the thread with her usual positivity. Don't let her stir you up.

The "ignore" button is a wonderful thing.

Bruburn · May 2011

Regardless of why people are here, this board is becoming useless because you have to navigate through so much crap to find anything useful. This is sad as there are so many intelligent women here. I never post here as I do not like to open myself up to an attack...but I couldn't resist today.

Best of luck to ALL of you, regardless of who you are, what stage you are and why you are here,

Bruburn

bluedahlia · May 2011

JB doesn't come here for support. JB thinks she/he's Dr. Phil. It's all about tough love!...........and pigs fly.

AnnNYC · May 2011

I guess all the women JB has driven away from BCO are "better off" because they're not "bizarrely" seeking support online.

Yeah, right...

I advise use of the ignore button -- it will also block private messages (PMs) from the ignored party.

BarbaraA · May 2011

Phasers on ignore.

AnneW · May 2011

JB--don't you see the irony? You eschew coming here to get support, yet here YOU are, helping out people (on other threads) who may need to hear what you've experienced. Is that not support? You come off as an ice princess, but I don't believe it. If you didn't care a whit, you wouldn't be here.

Something about your posts (since I only know you by your reflection in them) reminds me of the Coach on Glee...we love to hate her, but deep down, she's a good person.

To me, support is a two-way street. Usually people who GIVE it, get far more back in return. A simple "thanks, that helped!" is wonderful, and fills the support-givers needs for internal rewards. Don't tell me you haven't made friends here who would support YOU if you asked for help. And believe me, we all need support, social networks, friends, and yes--even cyber friends.

1Athena1 · May 2011

JB comes here to bully and to boast about what a tough man's girl she is and how she is so much above sniffing, whinning women who, in her stated view, have nothing better to do in their pathetic lives but post here - and so that is why she whines and sniffs and bullies and posts to the point that she likely creates sock puppets to start threads and even post little puppets. She is not the most prolific poster under the JB name but certainly the most dedicated one, so when she talks about how other woman have nothing better to do, you should assume she is projecting. I don't think she's tough enough to take it all the way. Some of her points of view I find original and refreshing, but her schoolgirl unkindness invalidates in my own mind some of her points about needing to have some spunk and toughness in this.

Everyone else, just please don't take her seriously. Her motives are her own. When she posts (even if she happens to be physically beautiful - it doesn't matter), just remember:

Anonymous · May 2011

I love reading Blue's posts. thank you, your perspective is always encouraging. As we all know, just because some words represent one person's "opinion" - doesn't mean they aren't mean, sometimes hurtful, and often destructive.

I'm so grateful for the SUPPORT women on these boards have so generously given - I learned how to make it through all the treatments, and continuing valuable medication I take, and hope to share what I've learned with other women, to hopefully make our shared experiences a little easier. Check you vitamin D levels, and your TSH (thryoid stimulating hormone) levels, and all those supplements keeping me active, without joint pain!

Special thanks to Lisa for her wonderful, wonderful photographs. To Ruthbru for encouraging so many of us to "keep exercising" - and to all those who use the technology we're using to make the world a better place. What wonderul support....

edited for spelling, & there are probably still errors Embarassed

TonLee · May 2011

I don't know if I can express this the way I think about it in my head, but here goes...

I enjoy JB's posts. Sorry. But, it's true. I don't enjoy that she hurts people's feelings but I find a majority of her comments and insights unique and refreshing. I also enjoy her keen wit.

Perhaps it's because I am from women who speak their minds on a daily basis and the majority of the world shuns them for it and accuses them of being "miserable." They don't let something as mundane as common opinion deter their views of the world. And they're not miserable; but that's not the point of my response.

I laugh out loud when I invision her typing up responses with rolling eyes and smirk in place.

Not everyone can be happiness and light. Not everyone should have to be.

I can accept JB where she is because it costs me nothing to do so.

Does it Matter???

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