Starting Chemo April 2009

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  • inthemoment
    inthemoment Member Posts: 538
    edited May 2011

    Hi Tammy,

     Welcome back - it's always great to hear from one of the original group.  Other than your gynecological "issues" I hope everything else has been going well with you.  There are about 5 or 6 of us "originals" who post often, and some who pop in and out - hope you stay in touch!

    Geri

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    OK, like I didn’t need to mention it , but it’s TRUE, I can NOT take AIs and feel even remotely like a sentient being. I’ve been off that poison since 4/28 (almost three weeks), and other than a major case of preoperative stress, have been passing for human, including feeling good for the first time since this all started and getting a noticeable amount of brain power back. I think I made it up to warp 2 for awhile -- even with the preop stress I was at least mostly OK...but now definitely back down to impulse power only but hell, this time yesterday I was on an operating table and so now it’s the Percocet. Unlike AIs, however, Percocet is only temporary and it’s not making me depressed so it’s OK. What would you say if I tell you I feel 1000% better less than 24 hours out from a BMX than I did on the AIs?! How awful  is THAT?

     

    So now that I’m off that crap which may have kept me alive but made my life almost totally not worth living, I’m sorry for my last bad behavior, medication or whatever induced it might have been.

     

    Betsy, please accept my deepest condolences regarding your mother.  :-*(

     

    Geri -- sorry to hear about your BF’s mother’s death also. Please accept my sympathies for the two of you.  :-*(

     

    Helen, that’s great about that distinguished leadership award. Congratulations! :-) I’m not a party person either (to say the least), so yeah, suggesting donations in lieu of throwing a party is IMO a good thing. And, happy Victoria Day. I’ll have to look that one up.

     

    Judy, I’m glad you’re feeling better of late. Hope your daughter is over her sickness, too.

     

    Wake up Titan! Yeah, well OK, true enough, too many doctor appointments make ME tired too, so I know how you feel. Thank goodness, my next appointment isn’t till June 6th so I finally oh finally get a whole week off from doctors!

     

    Hi again Tammy. Glad you’re doing mostly OK. Sorry to hear you’re having issues with Tamoxifen -- I hope you don’t end up on AIs!!!!!

     

    Amy -- yeah, looks like we are polar opposites when it comes to dealing with severe nastiness such as BC -- you saying you couldn’t get through it alone, whereas for me the worse I feel, the more antisocial I get. I’m sorry I behaved like that, I just should have said I needed “space” or something to that effect.

     

    So yeah, I’m doing better now. OK, I’m not REALLY better though, just able to HANDLE it for the time being,  if that makes sense. That is, I’m not so depressed -- I’m still on the Wellbutrin and Ritalin but they actually WORK. Prior to the meltdown I had last month where I left, I was horribly depressed in spite of the mental health meds. Since my cancer took a turn for the worse (progression despite the Arimidex) my oncologist took me off it, and about a week later I started to feel progressively better, kind of a day-by-day slow but steady improvement: starting with not physically feeling 90 (joint aches easing, movement easing) and then fewer and fewer crying jags/wishing I was dead.

     

    OK so yeah. Yesterday I had a BMX (the surgeon actually agreed with me at our preop visit when I said “stay away from the nodes”) with deportation and removal of several skin mets on the area of my right ribcage. I was shocked that a BMX would be a one day procedure, no need to spend even one night in the hospital. My Pack Rat came over on Thursday night so I got one last night (for awhile) to spoil him rotten with food, wine, rape and pillage). Yesterday took me to the hospital, stayed with me till they took me to OR,, was in the recovery room with me, took me home and spent the night, which I needed because if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed this morning (I felt severe pulling with every slight motion I tried for getting out of bed). So he helped me out of bed and I was OK again, especially when I took my Percocet! We had coffee and breakfast, now he’s out doing the stuff he needs to do today but will be back later to spend the evening (and help me out of bed tomorrow morning if I still can’t get out on my own). And, Dartmouth set up a visiting nurse to come once a day. I can empty the drains but don’t dare open the dressing on my chest.  She’ll be here in just over an hour.

     

    Oh, I have two drains, which as I said, I can empty, but.....last night when I was emptying them in preparation to go to bed, with the first one, I accidentally knocked over the cup full of blood and it looked like someone got murdered in my bathroom.

     

    Since I fully stocked up on food and piled stuff (pots and pans, plates, paper plates, canned food and soup, coffee, sugar and so on, all the important stuff) on the kitchen table so I don’t have to drag it down from cabinets, I’m OK otherwise (i.e., I can function slowly, as long as we don’t count gettting out of bed hahaha), and now I know I have to cap up the blood-cup IMMEDIATELY after emptying a drain.  

     

    And there’s a table and chairs out on the porch now, too... I don’t want to go outside with these hanging drain pouches but I can sit out on the upstairs porch with the iBook now to get fresh air if I want.

     

    Sorry again...but gotta go now get out stuff for when the nurse gets here.

     

    Hope you're having a good weekend everyone. 

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  • inthemoment
    inthemoment Member Posts: 538
    edited May 2011

    LENA Kiss - No need to be sorry for anything...just so glad you're here...I missed you and I know we were all hoping that you would be back.

    Now you can just focus on recovery from the surgery and moving forward without the AI's that you so hated.  To hear how coming off them made such a major difference in your life is mind-blowing. 

    Tell Pack Rat that I think he's a pretty great guy

    Geri

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited May 2011

    Ok..Lena..I'm awake..so you had the BMX huh? and hanging out with the PR also..good for you...I hope your recovery is quick...I hear those drains are a PIA..hopefully you get them out soon..

    And..I'm glad you are back...and you too Tammy..

    Can you guys believe that we have been talking here for over 2 years?  It would be interesting to hear from some of the original April 09 group...

    I wonder why some stay on here and some leave..

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited May 2011

    Lena, so glad that you are back. I was worried about you and missed you. Your PackRat sounds like an amazing guy. I'm so glad that he is close to you and taking care of you. You've been saying all along that the AI didn't agree with you and feeling good is most important. Hope the drains don't have to stay in too long and that you get your strength back quickly.



    So far 10 different people have contributed a total $540 towards the new breast cancer clinic. I set the goal for $3000 and I would like to make it. I think that as we get closer to the "party" the donations will increase. My colleagues are insisting on this party but keeping it very simple and inexpensive so that folks will donate.



    Have a good weekend everyone

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Hi Tammie, good to hear from you! Titan, I also wonder why people stay and others leave. But it is nice when people "pop in" too.

    Helen, so pleased that the donations are coming in now. Hope all is well with you. Happy Victoria Day!

    Lena - so happy to hear from you! Please do not apologize for anything! I think that one of the most unique things about this group is that you can feel comfortable and say it how it is. When you took a break, you needed to do that and that is fine. You are the priority so you have to do what works for you. It sounds like the surgery was bearable (not that it is ever really that, but I hope you know what I mean...). And your PR sounds like an absolute gem! What an amazing guy! I hope that you continue to feel ok and that we hear from you again soon.

    Titan - how are those wedding plans coming along?

    Hope everyone is doing well today and enjoying the weekend! Hugs to one and all, Judy xxx

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    Y'know, I missed you guys too. I really do think of you quite a bit, even when I'm in one of "those" spells.

    Yeah, that IS one heck of an amazing Pack Rat I have all right. He's in my nest now, sleeping. His allergies/sinuses are bugging him so he went to bed early. If I hadn't slept half the afternoon (took a two hour nap, about 2:30 to almost 5!) I'd be in bed too, but it is what it is; my body likes to conk out late afternoon (or maybe that's just my best healing time? I knew to expect post-op fatigue so I'm not surprised). I'm starting to wind down again now though, so I'll be in bed soon. But he's still sleeping here at night since I still can't get out of bed in the morning without help. Heck, I can get IN bed, lie down on my back and fall asleep just fine, though...go figure. I thought that would  be hard initially too, sleeping on my back -- I usually sleep "fetal" curled up on my side, but I can do it, and I can take NAPs sleeping sitting up on the couch. Don't know why I can only sleep 2-3 hours sitting up though.. And, I can do mostly everything ELSE that doesn't involve raising my arms up or lifting anything heavier than a full tea kettle -- or thinking too hard... Percocet is a really good pain killer, but it's also a pretty good BRAIN killer too. But at least THIS brain death is only temporary. 

    Hey did any of you have post-op jaw issues?  As in maybe something happened from having the anesthesia tube which misaligned your jaw? This is actually the most painful of my physical issues, believe it or not; the pain med doesn't help it like it helps the "pulling" pain of the incisions. If I open my mouth too wide it hurts and my jaw makes this pop-crack noise (like TMJ "disease" except I don't actually have that), so I have to eat very carefully. I figured out a way to "suck" grapes into my mouth though, uhhh LOL oh wait, I know how come I can do THAT....just call me Eureka.  hehehe THAT's gotta be the real reason why my Pack Rat wanted me to live.  >;-)   Well I'll ask the nurse about the jaw thing when she comes tomorrow.

    Yeah Titan, the drains ARE a pain. They're not nearly as bad as I originally anticipated, but I'm far from comfortable with them -- I don't like handling them. I have this terry-cloth velcroed "belt" around my waist with terry-cloth pouches so they're secured well enough (I lack sufficient fine motor coordination to use "safety" pins or any other kind of pins for that matter)...but it feels...weird...to take them out of the pouches to check on them, like they kind of "catch" and are hard for me to take out (this is probably my lack of fine motor control again). And even though the bulbs are "plugged" closed, so don't have to "sit upright" in the pouches, I just get this "queasy" feeling they might leak since I usually find them lying down in the pouches, and even though the tubes fit fully in the pouches with the bulbs I'm still afraid I'll somehow get them caught on something. It doesn't make sense since I have a pouch for each drain and each pouch will hold "the works," plus my shirt comes down over them which protects as well as conceals them (kinda: I almost look pregnant and that's partly why I don't want to go outside except upstairs on the porch), they still make me nervous.  I'm supposed to keep them until the drainage is 30 cc or less for 24 hours. Today's total was 65 cc each, so looks like it's gonna be awhile longer.

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited May 2011

    LENA - how happy my heart was when I saw your first post.  No explanations/apologies needed AT ALL. Just so glad you are here.  I know some people from this original thread come and go, and they are all welcome, but for us 'regulars', you are ONE OF US and there was an empty space to all of us while you were away.

    I wish you a continued smooth recovery from surgery smoothly and let us know how it is going.

    Something weird happened yesterday.  It was a little cool out and I picked a shirt out of the closet to wear that I never wear.  We went to the grocery store and Lowes' to pick out some paint. (having some painting done in 2 weeks - I AM SO EXCITED!!). Anyway, I felt totally uncomfortable and out of sorts - I mean really off balance. I couldn't WAIT to get home and change. I realized that it was a shirt I wore often after dx and during chemo, b/c it had snaps all the way down the front and was easy to take on/off.  Just wearing that shirt reminded me (triggered me) SO MUCH, I could not believe it. I obviously wear other stuff I wore during that time (my wardrobe isn't THAT BIG), but this shirt I hadn't worn SINCE THEN, and I guess it just was identiifed with that time very strongly in my subconscious.  Needless to say - it is going to GOODWILL!  But I am continually amazed at how our minds work. Isn't that strange?

    Everything else going really well here. I am hosting my stepdaughter's shower on 7/9 and then we go on vaca in later July. Then her wedding is 10/1.  It is going to be a busy and fun couple of months. But certain things about this time of year definitely do remind me of what we were doing two years ago right about now! SO GLAD that is in the past.

    Love to all

    Amy

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Lena, so nice to come by and see one of your updates! Good to hear that you are napping when you need to and that the healing process is coming along. Make sure that you rest enough and try to take it easy. Drains are a real pain, but hopefully, they will be out before you know it. I do suffer from my jaw clicking when I open my mouth too wide, but it is not post op - the dentist says it is because I grind my teeth during my sleep! I don't sleep much, but when I do, apparently, it is not a calm and relaxed sleep. He suggested a mouth guard, but I didn't want anything in my mouth whilst I am sleeping, so I just try and ignore it. Looking forward to hearing from you again soon.

    Amy - Associations, our brains, minds, whatever else, are amazing things. I completely understand how that shirt would have been uncomfortable for you. I actually gave away the shirts that I bought for my surgery. Even though we move further away from that time in our lives, it is still always there and something comes up to remind us when we are least expecting it. But you sound like you have some really fun family time coming up over the next few months, and that should be wonderful!

    Back to work now, sending you all hugs as always and have a great day, Judy x

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  • comingtoterms
    comingtoterms Member Posts: 421
    edited May 2011

    Hi again, gals! I just had to come back and revisit again Smile I see your names here, and it brings back a flood of memories - how grateful I was to all of you, to have you in my corner during such a scary time in my life, when no one else but YOU could understand. We went through it together, LITERALLY. It makes me cry just to think about it. I was at my two-year mammogram today and began to weep unconsollably. It never goes away, does it? It is always there, lingering in the back of your mind - sometimes, like Amy said, it is a shirt, sometimes a smell or a place or a food. But it is always tucked away somewhere. Lena, I remember when I came home from the hospital with my "drains". My eight year old son began to cry. I asked him what was wrong (what I was really thinking was, "what is right???") He finally told me that before my surgery, when I had explained how I would look when I came home, he had pictured a drain, like in the bathtub, that would suck me away. Out of the mouths of babes. May we all hold a little piece of the child in us. You are a witty, articulate, indelible woman, Lena. Keep on laughing and keep helping us to laugh with you. Love you, all. Tammy

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited May 2011

    Hi all,

    I'm exhausted, just got back from three days in Seattle. Two services for my Mom on Sat. & burial today. I am mentally and physically exhausted. The services were very honoring of my Mom. 

    Lena...so glad to hear from you again. I knew you couldn't stay away from us for that long, we've grown on you huh? Laughing

    Tammy welcome back.

    I'm glad everyone else sound like they are doing ok. I have my onc. appt. Thursday. I'll write more when my energy level returns.

    Take care.

    Betsy

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    News: I was able to get out of bed without help this morning.

    Tammy, sorry but I'm not laughing. I don't think I'll ever think this is funny. OK, so I'm not having a meltdown, the pain meds work so I'm not in physical agony or anything, but today is the first day I even had the nerve to really LOOK at my chest.  Yeah, I've taken my shirt off, opened the surgical camisole and let the visiting nurse examine it to make sure it was OK and change/remove the dressing, but I didn't actually look at it myself. Today the visiting nurse said how "beautifully" it was healing, so way later (she was here in the early afternoon), as in about 9-something this evening while doing my PM drain maintenance, I took the surgical camisole off again and looked at my bare chest. REALLY looked at it. Beautiful?! Uhhhh...well sure, if "Just Dissected" qualifies as beautiful. Even though I'm a warped ex-mad scientist, the closest I was able to get to "beautiful" was to think "I'm REALLY glad I lost all that weight because at least I won't look TOTALLY horrible after the drains come out and I get past "'Just Dissected.'"

    :::sigh:::

    I asked the nurse today if my jaw thing could possibly be from the anesthetic breathing tube and she says yes and it's not uncommon.  Judy -- I don't know if I grind my teeth while sleeping but my jaw was totally fine BEFORE my surgery. So I hope it goes away soon. 

    Oh geez, Amy, about the clothes -- last week I was looking in my closet and NONE of my clothes were "right." It's hard to explain... It was like I was looking at someone else's wardrobe. My "closet clothes" (as compared to my "dresser clothes") consist of my work clothes (and I haven't worked since the economy ate my job in May 2008), plus my "nice" clothes -- casual but "more" than just T-shirt and jeans outfits. Stuff I would wear when I wanted to look hot for my Pack Rat or was just feeling happy or pretty (yes, BEFORE this breast cancer nightmare started). I remember when I hit my goal weight a couple months ago I was really looking forward to wearing one of the "happy pretty" outfits in particular (once it got warm enough: all my favorite clothes were SUMMER clothes!), But last week specifically -- Thursday night actually, getting ready for my Pack Rat to come over and us to have our last "wild rats in heat night" prior to surgery, and, because I knew that although I was finally thin enough to look good in that dress again but I'd better wear it "now" while I still had breasts, so I put it on, and even though it fit me, it didn't look or feel right! I used to love that dress, I called it the "Pine Barrens dress" (yeah, that's a "story") and I used to specifically wear it because it was sexy and it made me feel sexy when I wore it, but this time it didn't look or feel sexy even though it was before the BMX. I took it off and ended up just wearing jeans and a T-shirt...because after I took the dress off I looked in the closet for something else sexy/pretty to wear and I felt like I was looking in a STRANGER'S closet! I mean NOTHING was right, and I realized on top of that, most of it probably won't even fit me anymore especially after surgery what with all the drastic changes to my body...So I guess there's another project for after my drains come out and I'm not afraid to try to do more than basic subsistence things: I have to get rid of my "closet clothes."  I'll take them to the thrift shop.

    Well at least I'll have more storage space with all those clothes gone.

    Oh, I have a painting project too, or at least I did. Now my Pack Rat's going to have to do it. The upstairs screened-in porch -- painting it yellow with white trim and brown floor.

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Tammy - so good to hear from you again! A sweet story of what your son said. No, I don't think it ever goes away, but some days it is more prevalent than others.

    Betsy - I am sure this has been a very hard time for you and I am not surprised that you are exhausted. Try and get some rest and please let us know how the appt goes on Thursday.

    Lena - Out of bed without help! That is a step forward. You know, after my BMX, it took me almost a year to look at myself. Every time I went to the doctor, they would say, "everything looks great!" and I would think "who are they looking at?". It is a horrible thing to have to get used to in addition to everything else that we have been through. I completely understand you. It also took me a very long time till I was even prepared to buy new clothes because I didn't see the point, but now I have gotten used to the prosthetics and even though I would prefer to have breasts (which I hope to have one day...), I do enjoy buying clothes and make an effort to look good when I can. I am thinking about you. I hope the jaw problem goes away soon too.

    Hope everyone else is doing well and I will come by again soon. Hugs to one and all, Judy x

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  • comingtoterms
    comingtoterms Member Posts: 421
    edited May 2011
    Sorry, Lena..... I meant no harm. Cry
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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    That's OK Tammy. None of us here are omniscient telepaths.

    Well Judy maybe I can get out of bed by myself so "soon" because I'm healing up a little faster, since in addition to no recon, I also didn't have any nodes taken either (I wouldn't let them!).  

    I guess I'm probably going to have to find some other way to feel any kind of "beautiful" now, although at the moment I don't have a freakin' clue on how or where to look. Maybe after I heal up enough to at least not have the Recently Dissected "Chest of Frankenstein" look I'll get more ideas. I hope.

    About clothes shopping -- I think maybe one of my X-chromosomes may be defective; I totally and completely lack a shopping gene! Yes -- there actually IS a woman who hates shopping; ME! I've hated shopping since I was a little girl! I remember how I hated the "back to school" shopping trips just prior to the new school year when Mom would take us (me and my sister) to buy new clothes and shoes. All that looking and browsing and trying on, it was such an annoying pain in the butt. As an adult, I only go clothes shopping when the clothes I have get too worn or ripped or don't fit me. Until now though, "clothes don't fit" meant "I got too fat."

    This is the first time "clothes don't fit" means means buying smaller -- not just on top due to bosom elimination but pants and skirts too. Remember my mention of my two pairs of "2009 jeans" I'd worn going into chemo and complained about them not fitting anymore because of all the weight I'd put on? Well those weren't REALLY "2009" jeans, I originally bought them back in 2003 (a few months after I started seeing my Pack Rat) in reluctant acceptance of "getting old and fat" -- i.e., weighing 130-135 instead of my former 120-125. Yup, I was still wearing those same jeans from 2003 until a few months after I finished my chemo -- that's when I started packing on all that weight from stopping smoking and going on the hormone treatments; by around December 2009 or January 2010 I couldn't even put them on anymore. Well several months into my dieting (diet started May 2010 at 155 pounds -- around October or November 2010 or so I was able to wear them again, but once I "finished" dieting in March, I noticed they were way too big on me! They actually slip down to my hips and I was "forced" to replace them with ones that fit. Well that's the good news about my body; it took me a little adjusting to get to "maintenance mode" diet-wise; went up 3 pounds, readjusted and actually got down to 121 and since I liked that better than the goal of 125 (being small boned, even just a few pounds in either direction makes a visible difference on me), and the up 3 down 4 adjustments fine tuned my ability to judge how much food is right without having to plan meals and count calories in advance, I learned that just because I'm old doesn't mean I can't have my younger weight range of 120-125 back (that's where I was weight-wise in my 20s!). I haven't weighed myself since the morning of surgery (just before getting dressed to go to the hospital -- normally I weigh myself each morning just before getting dressed and having morning coffee) but up to then I've been holding incredibly steady at a very very nice 122 pounds all month. I was thinking this morning I'd love to get on the scale except I'm still wearing the drains. Eh, well maybe tomorrow I'll do it anyway and if I weigh more than 122 I'll blame it on the drains and their belt and little pouches. LOL.

    But yeah, I'm going to have to get SOME new clothes to fit the new body in addition to the 2 pairs of emergency jeans I recently bought just to HAVE jeans that aren't falling off me. Guess I'll do it when I take the old ones to the thrift shop; I'll already be there anyway. Now if only I actually knew what this svelte but completely flat-chested woman whose still too-short hair looks like she stuck a fork in an electric socket (yes, again! :-P) would even want to wear. I don't know how to buy clothes for strangers.

    :::::sigh::::: 

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Lena - I hope I am not talking out of place, but I think it is very early days to think about buying clothes. After my surgery, I joined one of the threads here of women who did not do reconstruction, but it was just too early for me. There were lots of suggestions of different clothes to buy, but I just wasn't ready. I am sure that nothing I say can make this better for you. I know that, but what you are feeling is completely normal, so just come here and let off steam whenever you need to.

    I don't think it ever becomes ok to have no breasts, but I do think that in time, it is just another thing that we learn how to manage - at least that is what happened for me.

    I have just now started to enjoy shopping again, and I am over 2 years out of surgery.

    Hope you are all doing well today! Hugs to one and all, Judy x

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    That's OK Judy, your opinion is both welcome, and, points well taken. Thank you. I guess I feel "rushed" because I want SOME of my Stage IV-shortened time to be GOOD, I need to get this awful stuff out of the way, or I feel like I do anyway.

    Since I didn't enjoy clothes shopping before my mastectomy, I don't think I'll like it any better now, but it is what it is, I guess, and breasts or no breasts, I still need to have clothing that FITS and is comfortable to wear at the very least.  Maybe some of my former "find clothes to hide my Midsection from Hell" skills will be transferable...instead of hiding an oversized belly I'll now be hiding an undersized chest. Who knows. maybe it'll be easier to hide the undersized chest than the oversized belly...?

    Anyway, seeing how I'm "stuck" staying home until my drains can come out, I can peruse those "no recon" areas of the forum some more -- yeah, I've already done SOME reading over there.

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited May 2011

    Lena, sending you lots of healing (((hugs))). I found the bmx affected me physically, mentally and emotionally. But just take one step at a time. First is to get those drains out as soon as possible. Once that happens, you'll plan your next step.

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  • inthemoment
    inthemoment Member Posts: 538
    edited May 2011

    Hello everyone, just stopping by on my way to work.

    Betsy - so sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you have your sisters to share great memories of your dear mother. 

    Judy - Hope your energy is coming back

    Lena - I hate shopping too.

    Helen - the big day is getting closer!

    Tammy, Amy, Chelev, Titan...wishing you all a restful, sunny weekend!! (Hope I didn't miss anyone)

    Geri

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Hi everyone, just passing through quickly today.

    Lena - I agree with Helen, step by step, first get the drains out and then onto the next step. I hope you are feeling stronger post surgery, with each day.

    Helen - you must be gearing up for the end of the year! Do you have any summer vacation plans?

    Geri - good to hear from you! I am feeling ok for the most part. The main problem, is that it takes me so long to fall asleep, that I find the mornings hard. But once I get going, I do alright.

    Betsy - how are you doing this week? I am thinking about you.

    Sending hugs to you all, sorry not to mention everyone individually.

    Have a great day, Judy x

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    I think my Pack Rat is conspiring to keep me busy as hell, actually. In addition to the Porch Project (I came up with a "theme" -- "Pasteurella's Italian Bistro") and the container gardening, last night he showed up with a USB cassette deck so I can actually convert my ginormous music collection to MP3s (uh yeah, and I still have speakers (troubleshooting ones I thought worked but malfunctioned when I first tried connecting them, and if they really did die, testing the two sets of speakers in the living room and decide which I want for the computer room) and space issues (both with where to put that OTHER Mac to incorporate it into the network to dedicate it to the music project, and if I have enough hard drive space for all those MP3s)...and he told me about/says we need to go to the Science Cafe's June meeting (can't disagree with THAT: just reading about on its website gave me ideas)...and the Gilsum Rock Swap is also in June, and then there's the "have-tos." The first week of June, the doctor routine resumes PLUS I finally have to New Hampshirize my driver license and car by June 9th, which means inspection too.

    And like HE isn't swamped up the kazoo either. In addition to MY projects he still has a list of his own projects which goes out to the planet Jupiter. He said last night that today he'd be ordering the parts to fix my car's passenger side front end to make it inspectable at all even, and now it's also finally time to get the studded snow tires off and "normal" ones put on (which he has to help with naturally).

    ...I'm getting tired even thinking of all this, and I had my nap this afternoon! 

      

    Oh, I graphed my drainage this morning; my Pack Rat said he was curious about what the curve looked like, and I tried to predict it based on the data. Yup, I'll have to tell him, it looks like I expected it to; linear, not exponential. I haven't made a graph like this since I took chemistry and physics courses in college and had to do it for my lab reports. LOL I'm not any better at drawing now than I was then. Maybe I should get some software to do this. Well if the numbers are low enough tonight and stay that way tomorrow too, I'll be below my 30 cc or less per drain per day goal. This morning was 8.5 cc in the right drain, 20 cc in the left, so I'm getting close.

    ohgosh, even though I know I'm not recovered "enough" and am still actually too tired (not to mention way too UNSEXY) for our usual Hump Day festivities yet, it sure was bizarre last night tucking that Pack Rat into my nest and NOT molesting him.

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Hi all,

    Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend and takes some time to relax and do something fun!

    Lena - good to hear the drains are headed in the right direction. Hope you are feeling ok.

    Hugs to everyone, Judy x

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    Drains are out!!!! Visiting nurse came today between 12:30 and 1 PM and she said they could come out TODAY (provided I could get up to Dartmouth by 4 PM). Since I was under the influence of my most recent dose of pain medication, I had to get my Pack Rat to give me a ride (otherwise I'd have just gotten in my car and driven myself up there as soon as the nurse said goodbye). Wow, the wonders of being able to pull my pants down to pee and not worry about pulling the drains out! And she (the nurse who removed the drains) also took off all that horrible itchy steri-strips and tape too.

    I'm still sore, tired and need the "professional" pain pills (just took another dose, since the 11 AM dose wore off), but I AM much better without the drains and itchy-tape. Nap time, then SHOWER time!!! :-)

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  • inthemoment
    inthemoment Member Posts: 538
    edited May 2011

    Hi Lena,

     So glad for you that you are now "drainless" - would anyone but this group understand the pure joy of not having spahetti-like tubes hanging from your body?  Nope, I don't think so...but I believe we all can celebrate that with you.  Hope your weekend is a good one (that wish is for everyone!)

    Geri 

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited May 2011

    Hi all,

    Yesterday had a visit with the new DA for my oncologist. She is trying to talk me into taking arimidex instead of tamoxifen. To those of you on it, have you had any bone pain? Remember, I was the queen of bone pain on neulasta (sp???geesh...can't recall how it's spelled), can I still blame in on chemo brain..think NOT! I'm curious as to how you are handling it? Love to hear about SE's. I plan to do more research before jumping on the band wagon.

    Mammo was neg, blood work good, bp out of this world..(stroke level) my internist is working that front. So all, in all good.

    Lena- TG the drains are out, I'm glad you've got some good pain meds.

    Titan...when exactly is that wedding? It's coming up, right?

    Weather here is cold and rainy. Weird!!!

    Have a great weekend all.

    Betsy

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited May 2011

    If stiff joints (hips and knees) and hurting hands and feet count as "bone pain," Betsy, then I had it on ALL the AIs (plus the near suicidal depression). I know everyone is different but I personally can't help but think that life on AIs is just NOT WORTH LIVING and unless you have Stage IV, don't go anywhere near AIs. I know my onc is going to want to put me back on Aromasin, but I'm not going back to that Land of the Living Death. I'd rather be in the Land of the Dead Dead.

    LOL Neulasta. I got Neulasta shots the day after each chemo treatment too, but the only thing that hurt me with the Neulasta was the frickin needle and the med going in. About 2-3 minutes after getting the shot all I had left to deal with were the Sewer Mouth, GI issues, crushing fatigue, baldness, depression and brain death from the chemo!   :-{

    Ohhhh....and now I'm finally CLEEEEEEEEEAN! (took a shower and put on clean jammies a couple hours ago).

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited May 2011

    Lena, congrats on getting those drains out. Amazing at what we can tolerate that I used to think was impossible. Hopefully you'll be able to get off the pain meeds soon.



    How is everyone else - Judy, Geri, Betsy. Weather here has also been cool and very wet. My fundraising efforts are coming along although it is slow. But the party isn't until June 22at which time I expect it will speed up. I'm at 23% so far

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  • inthemoment
    inthemoment Member Posts: 538
    edited May 2011

    You go Helen!!!!

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited May 2011

    Good morning everyone!

    Lena - Great that the drains are out! Hope you are having a restful day today.

    Geri - Hope you have a good weekend too!

    Betsy - Good news that the mammo is negative. I never took arimidex or tamoxifen so I am sorry, but I cannot help you. I did get horrible pain from neulasta though, but that information probably doesn't help you right now - right? Wink...

    Helen - so pleased the fund raising is coming along nicely.

    Titan, Amy and everyone else, hope you all have a good weekend, sending you all hugs, Judy x

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited May 2011

    Weekend was good. Went to the Phillies game with my kids on Thurs. Lots of fun (although HOT!).

    A friend of mine who went through a violent attack and has PTSD told me of a coping method her therapist taught her. She said that when fearful thoughts come (for her about the attack, for us, memories of treatment or fears of recurrance), to consider them like telephone poles passing by the car window - just notice them in a detached way and let them pass by. She said that by attaching importance to them, you actually make them bigger and give them more room in your thoughts/emotions.  She said you should think, 'Yup, there's one of those thoughts again' and let it just pass by.

    Easier said than done, for sure. But I thought worth sharing.

    LENA - glad the drains are going/gone.  I never had them but heard they can be awful. Enjoy your newly comfortable sleep & showering!

    Amy

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