A very worried daughter

Hello Lauren,

I am sorry for your mum's dx, but know that you are in the right place.  The initial words are numbing, we all have a period of disbelief and shock that we blunder through.  Please know that just because she has cancer does not mean you are going to lose her, at this point it doesn't look like you have very much information at all.  It may have travelled to the lymph nodes, but all of us here have waited that out, you will only know when the results are in.  It doesn't mean anything yet, lots of women from all stages have node involvement, after treatment they are taken care of by removal or chemo.  Don't jump to the worst, I know this is scary and heartbreaking for you.  We all hate the waiting game, the only way through it is to focus on what you need to do now, take baby steps throughout the day.  If your mum is struggling, her doctors will prescribe an anti anxiety medication to help her.  You have to relax, getting yourself worn away with worry will not help you or your mum.  When you know more, there is a lot of information available on this site to help you find your way, you should have a brief idea of what you are dealing with after surgery and the more complete information will come in with the pathology report, so you do have some time to wait.  I wish it could go quicker for you, for all of us.  Please just don't think you will lose her, she will see it in your face and that won't be helpful.  Take it day by day, minute by minute if you need to.  We are all here with you, hang onto us, we've been there and we understand.  You and your mum are in my prayers, please let us know how everything goes, and feel free to PM me if you need anything.

(((HUGS)))

Hi Lauren,

I was in a very similar position to you, a few years ago.  The uncertainty and helplessness that comes with this diagnosis is unbearable at times.  For me, I found that sometimes doing research online was helpful in calming my nerves, but sometimes, it made me feel worse.  Sorry, I wish I had some good advice or tips for you, but it it still something I struggle with to this day.  Sometimes I think I worry more about it than my mom does!  I will say that I think it is great you came to breastcancer.org.  For me, one of the worst parts about dealing with breast cancer was feeling very alone, and I still have a hard time connecting with people my age who are supporters of a parent with cancer.  This site has eased that a bit. 

Please feel free to message me to chat, ask questions or share your story!  I really hope that from here on out, it is all good news for you and your family.

Dear Lauren,

this is my first time on this website and i'm finding that i'm in the situation you are... I'm very sorry you feel lonely, and if you ever need someone to talk to I'd love to talk a little bit more... my mom was diagnosed last summer, and she has been going through some rough times... but to explain shortly, she and I have stopped talking because of some of her actions again me and my other family members... I want to help her, and be there for her more than anything in the world, but I don't know what to do... I know how she acts. One thing that you cannot take for granted is the time you spend with your mother... you have to be patient and willing to hop up and help her if she needs it. The more positive, even though it may not seem like it, the better she would feel...

there's a saying "fake it till you make it", and this has been a serious struggle for my entire family, especially when i'm sick too....but being positive and accepting this (even though it's extremely hard), will make her feel a big better. And you too, Lauren.. I bet she's feeling scared too... and she needs you right now.

If I'm having a bad day and it just seems like the bad things are piling up higher than I can handle, I make sure someone else is there in the home to just at least be available, and I go somewhere where I know I won't be bothered, or away from society for a little bit to just listen to music that will take you mind off everything. start singing and get lost in the beat. the other thing is, I write everything in my journal. and things I don't want people to see but I need to get out, i find a way to express it, or call it be another name... write it in another book that you keep out usually...

kind of random... but that's kind of what i've been trying to do. just remember that you have to take care of yourself to help others more... I'll pray for your mum and hope she gets better and I really wish you the best. much love.