Ambivalent

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SpunkyGirl
SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

This weekend was our local two day Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society.  You'd think that being a survivor and the spouse of a survivor that I'd be pitching a tent, raising gobs of money, running/walking the track from dusk 'til dawn, etc. but I didn't do any of that.  I never do when these things come around.  Right now, I can't anyway because of taking care of DH.  Actually, I can say that my greatest contribution is money to the cause.  I always manage to be the biggest fundraiser on my team, though truthfully if I cared more, I could raise tons.  I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that I wonder what they are doing with all that money.  Where is it going?  Are the people in control of it being responsible with it?  Are the people going through cancer who can't afford it getting the proper financial help?

I guess that being a caregiver for over two years now has also dulled my passion.  Honestly, it's not been that hard, though one can't discount the emotional and mental toll.  I have had lots more help than most people in this situation, though I do pay for that help.  In some ways, I long to return to being the kind of person that's always there to help others.  I still manage to jump in at church and do some things, but not like I used to.  We (my family) have this new norm in our life,  DH and I have beds down in the livingroom since he can no longer negotiate the stairs, and I have to think carefully about where to go on vacation and how to make sure it is accommodating to his needs.  I'm not sure what I'm looking fo-certainly not sympathy.  Honestly, I'm pretty happy most of the time considering the circumstances.  But I can't help but wonder what the future looks like.

Thanks for "listening", girlfriends.

Love

Bobbie

Comments

  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited May 2011

    I think that we all have given enough - but they (ACS, KOMEN, etc) count on us fundraising because we are the face of cancer and survivorship.  So we feel like we should do more.  But really we should do what we want.

    I do have a komen team every year and I raise a fair amount of money - most stays local in our case - I also am glad that they send a report on where that money goes locally each year so I feel like I know what I am fundraising for. 

    I also do occaisionally donate to American Cancer Society but always directly to Hope House (which was formerly Gildas) because I know what happens with those funds too.

    And I directly work with and volunteer with survivors because I can see what a difference it makes in each person's life.

    I have never gone to a single relay for life as a survivor.  I don't raise tens of thousands of dollars for avon or revlon 3 day walks, or livestrong.  I may some day but right now I am working on my little corner of the world and that is ok because that is what I believe is fixable, improvable.  I just don't think me walking for 3 days and raising a ton of money (which I could probaqbly do) will be the cure - maybe I am wrong.

    And as far as sympathy - girl, you have had your hands full BUT I have never seen anyone handle themselves and their situations, some not nearly as tough as yours have been with as much grace and dignity.  So I don't give you my sympathy, I give you my awe.  You inspire me (and others I am sure) to do more with each day, to get more out of each day, and to see the positive in most situations. 

  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited May 2011

    Everyminute,

    You brought tears to my eyes, and everything you say makes so much sense!  I guess I just need to understand that right now my job is to take care of DH and my kids, and hopefully, later, I can get back to the business of expanding my world more to include helping others along....What you said that makes the most sense was about what you are doing to change things in your corner of the world.  I like that.  We have so many opportunities right around us to make change happen.  i love you, girl.  You always know what to say to make me feel better!

    Hugs

    Bobbie

  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited May 2011

    I'm with you...I guess I'm still new at all this, not even a year yet.  After the shock of my dx wore off I was ready to get all things bubblegum pink & wave my flag but not so much anymore.  Maybe I'm entering in a new phase of this journey or something and if I'm having a paranoia day, I don't want anything to do with any of it at all.  I'm all mixed up right now, maybe as time goes I'll be a Rosie the Rivetor again.  Before I do I'd like those same questions answered.

  • kathleen1966
    kathleen1966 Member Posts: 793
    edited May 2011

    Yes, you are pretty incredible.

  • bak94
    bak94 Member Posts: 1,846
    edited May 2011

    I understand also. I have done many fundraisers, am the main person at my work (small business) that when anybody is in need I take up the collections, go get what the family needs and donate a little more than the others. Well, here I am, haven't worked in a month and a half due to my emotional problems dealing with this cancer and only one person from work has done anything to help me. On top of that, I was informed that they were all doing the Susan Komen walk and were bragging about how much money everyone was donating. Well, don't get me wrong, I appreciate that, but here I am, trying to decide if I am going to have to sell my vehicle, which I won't get much money for because it needs some work and has over 100,000 miles on it, so my husband and I will have to share a car. I am going back to work this week, very part time, kinda got the emotions under control. I am on my feet with physical work, so it won't be easy. I also wonder where all the money goes, I am hoping the majority goes to research like they say, but there is definately a need for financial support for those going through this. I think of all the single women that are going though this and and wonder how they get through it. If the worse I have to do is sell a car.... well that is not so bad!

    Sorry to rant on your post, but you brought up an interesting point.

  • mrsnjband
    mrsnjband Member Posts: 1,409
    edited May 2011

    Hi Bobbie,

    I understand how you feel about where money goes to.  My DH got a small amount of help from the ACS when he had cancer but I wasn't able to get any help when I was in treatment. I know they do wonderful things but it does make you wonder. NJ

  • tracie23
    tracie23 Member Posts: 598
    edited May 2011

    Hi spunkygirl, I first wanted to say I am so sorry you are in the place that you are right now this journey, experience or what ever you want to call it is so hard and frustrating and irritating...I am not into pink and I do not think Breast cancer is a big pink ribbon.... I do believe in the American Cancer Society they have helped me like no other group, I called Komen no one answered the phone I never got to speak to anyone.....I do want to tell you the money for the ACS is very well used and not only for research. I got rides from cab companies or volunteers at no cost to me to any Dr. appointments I needed to go to if I could not get a ride etc... never had to pay a dime or worry about how I was going to get there or get home, you get 21 free rides per ACS calender year. I got my prosthetics, bra and some wigs I also could call them 24 hrs a day and talk to someone , at one point I was going to quit chemo and they transferred me to an oncologist and she gave me great facts and advise. They gave me so much info and I have passed it on to people who don't really know what to do and not just for breast cancer. I have hated every day of this breast cancer nightmare... but the ACS is awesome and they have helped me tremendously.

  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited May 2011

    Wow, Tracie!   Thank you so much for that information.  I feel so much better about what they do.  I had a friend at church who went through BC after me, and she was in a tough place financially.  She was a single mom, and I felt like she had to do a lot of investigating to find out what help was out there for her.  I know she called the ACS, but I don't remember her getting a lot of help.  How did you find out about what they could do?  Did you just call them?

    BKJ, I think having to deal with selling your car and worrying about money is an awful thing on top of dealing with cancer.  I hope that the people around you (and with whom you work) figure it out and step up to the plate to help you.  BKJ and Kathleen, are we all 1966 babies??  Looking forward to the big 45 in July myself!

    Hugs

    Bobbie

  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited May 2011

    Honey, you have so much on your plate.  Don't feel like you have to do more!  I'm also very ambivalent about fundraisers.  I did one RFL, had fun and played the cancer card to extreme to raise money.  Did it once, don't feel the need to do it again.  SGK?  have never had an interest in doing the 3 day and I am a bit cynical about that organization.  Maybe unfounded, but there ya go.  I sometimes resent the fact that because I've had breast cancer I get invited to all these SGK 3 day fundraisers.  And no...I don't donate.  Sorry...cancer put me in the poor house so I've donated plenty, thanks :)   So, don't feel like you're the only one that ambivalent.

    You are amazing.  Amazingly amazing.  Don't forget that. :)  Cuz I'm always right. Tongue out 

  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited May 2011

    Bobbie, if you can't count on us gals to listen, then who can you count on!!!  I do the Komen RFTC but haven't done any other cancer fundraisers.....Do what feels right for you.....sending you (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))....Karen

  • bak94
    bak94 Member Posts: 1,846
    edited May 2011

    Yep, a November birthday for me.

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