My anxiety about my hair

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javagirl39
javagirl39 Member Posts: 67
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2009. My hair started to grow back in September 2009 and I got several cuts or trims last year and early this year to give my hair style and shape. As recently as last week I decided that I wanted to cut it short again. Afterwards, I regretted my decision to do so and now I have quite a bit of anxiety about it. I don't know why. Losing all of my hair didn't cause me this much anxiety. Back then I wasn't too bothered by it because I knew it would grow back and it did. Now I have a short cut which isn't even too super short but still I am obsessing over it and want to grow it. Has anyone else experienced anxiety about getting a hair cut years after your diagnosis? I'm afraid that I'll never be able to handle a short haircut ever again.
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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited May 2011

    For me having short hair is a reminder that I went through BC.  I had long hair down to my bra line for 15 years with no intentions of ever losing it or having a short hair style.   I am still going through anxiety issues and am on anti-anxiety medication.  I hate the constant reminder when I look at myself in the mirror as to what I endured in 2009.  BTW - we were diangosed within 2 months of each other.

    (((((Hugs))))))

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  • javagirl39
    javagirl39 Member Posts: 67
    edited May 2011

    jancie, thank you for your post. Our diagnosis dates were really close. Have you grown your hair without cutting it? Having short hair is a reminder to me too of I went through so I think that might be why I have so much anxiety about it. The good thing is that the way it is cut, I should be able to grow it out to a nice blunt style in the next six months. I'll just leave the layers in, I think, and let it continue to grow out until next May -- should be chin length by then, I hope. How long is your hair?

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited May 2011

    I started doing "baby trims" at 6 months.  My hairdresser knows me prior to BC so she is always hesitant to cut any of my hair but I needed the chemo hair to be cut off.

    I go every 6-8 weeks for a baby trim which means I get maybe 1/8" cut off my hair - some places 1/4" but never any more than that.

    I finished chemo the end of May 2009.  My hair is now about 1" longer than the base of my neck - a little longer than my shoulders.  I can now finally wear it in a ponytail and actually look normal.

    I did have to get it colored.  It was a beautiful natural blonde before.  It came back a mousy gray so now I color it every 2-3 months back to the blonde look.  My dh would rather me not color my hair and let it grow natural but that reminds me too much of BC.  I finally feel like myself again and am working to get rid of the 30 lbs I gained during chemo.  I have lost 6 lbs in the past 2-1/2 weeks but I have a long ways to go.  I think once I get my weight off I will feel so much better. 

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  • javagirl39
    javagirl39 Member Posts: 67
    edited May 2011

    jancie,

    It sounds like your hair grows fast and the current length a little longer than your shoulders is a nice length!  I should have let mine grow without all of these cuts and trims.  Oh well.  I was just looking at some photos I had taken last year: one in June 2010 and the other in October 2010 both taken on haircut days with no cuts or trims in between and in that four months, it grew a lot so now I'm hopeful that maybe by September I'll be much happier with my hair.

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited May 2011

    Java - it is hard to be patient when you want so bad for your hair to grow out!  The one good thing is that I have much more hair than before if that is possible and it is not so darn baby fine.  Maybe this time I can grow it past my bra line.  Before that is where it would just stop growing!

    The entire time I was going through chemo I refused to look in any mirror in the house.  I hated being bald.  Then when I finished chemo I swear I looked in that mirror ten times daily checking on hair progress Laughing  I did that for months on end.

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  • javagirl39
    javagirl39 Member Posts: 67
    edited May 2011

    jancie,

    it is possible because that's what happened to me too. my hair used to be so baby-fine and after it grew back it was much thicker which was a pleasant surprise!  when i grew my hair long years ago, i wasn't able to grow it past by bra line either and didn't know why at the time, now that it's thicker I want to try to grow it as long as possible.  you are right, it is hard to be patient.  i can't wait until it gets longer.  i've been so impatient and kicking myself for getting a haircut last week that i decided to set some goals and make plan for how to achieve it.  this is my first goal and plan:

    goal - by sept 2011, it should cover my ears

    plan includes many tips I read on the internet:

    - good nutrition

    - drink water 

    - regular exercise

    - good sleep 

    - eliminate stress

    - avoid excess products

    - skip some shampoo days

    - use shampoo on scalp only

    - use conditioner on ends only 

    - avoid heat from appliances i.e. blowdryer and hair straightener in my case

    - trim only split ends as soon as they occur

    - scalp massage

    - avoid styles or accessories that would break the hair

    - avoid chemicals i.e. colouring products 

    Having a goal or goals and a plan of action gives me the feeling of control even though I can't make my hair grow faster I can try to get it in the best possible condition/shape possible while waiting for it to grow longer.

    I can't wait until mine is as long as yours! 

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