May 2010 Chemo

Hello ladies,

Jenn, I just had to come here after I'd read your status today on FB! Like all the others I am speechless and will be praying for you to be strong and cope with the new chemo. You're a great girl and I'm sure you'll fight like a girl as Daiva says. Sending a big warm hug to you and lots of prayers again and again.

Otherwise it seems I'm bad at keeping up with your posts - partly, as I had said already, because I wanted to move on (I needed some time of not reading and talking about BC) a bit and partly due to lots of work which I'm grateful for. But I will pop in and out to see how you all are doing.

Day what great hair. I'm going to the hairdresser's on Tuesday and am curious about the outcome. My curls are difficult to tame so I want to look a little more pulled together, even though originally I didn't want a cut at all too.

Patricia This is a hard time for us all and I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I'm sometimes grateful for being single and childless, as this dx is probably harder on our nearest and dearest than on us (or differently hard, we're fighting, they're just helpless onlookers). I guess you should have your lump checked and possibly removed, just do everything you can.

GG Sorry about your friend, I hope she'll get all the help and treatment available!

Ditah Yeah, what a year. I had my "cancerversary" on May 5 when I had my biopsy and was lucky I spent in on a lecture symposium, although it was on antiviral and antiproliferative drugs, so kind of medical too.

Denise I'm having my markers checked in a month and going for a mammo on May 23 and trying to act cool about it for now. After Jenn's posts... I don't know...

Summer Hope your blood tests went uneventful! And sorry about your friend, there's too much of it simply!

Leanna Will let you know about how my hair looks on Tuesday, maybe I'll get some tips from the hairdresser to share.

Jersey Hope you'll be healing quickly from your hip surgery! Are we allowed to straighten our hair so soon? Even if it's with keratine? I've read it somewhere you'd better keep of these things for 6 mos to 1 year after chemo, but YAY for bangs, I want some too LOL! And my hat off to your son!

Sorry if I missed out someone, in any case I'm sending a big hug to all of you!

Magda

Hey ladies, I am posting this from my phone as I'm still in the hospital. I was transferred to a bigger (and better) hospital yesterday after the results of my liver biopsy came back. I have masses in my liver that are growing daily and I'm on a blend of pain killers to try and keep me somewhat comfortable. However the bad news is still to come. I spoke with a team of respiratory specialists up here who reviewed my case and all the tests and unfortunately I have very advanced cancer in my lungs that they are doubtful will respond to chemo. I'm trying anyway, even just to relieve some of the pain from my liver. I will be on oxygen indefinitely, as the disease has even progressed since Monday. On Monday I only needed the oxygen to be set at three litres to have my stats over 90. Now I'm at five litres.



I'll keep everyone posted. My hope is though that they let me go home eventually. I've only seen Connor once this week. I can't think about this or I'm a mess



I'm so sorry to post this, I know this will crush you guys because it's all of our fears, but please keep in mind that I always knew that my cancer was extremely aggressive and was likely to come back. I just thought I'd have more time

Jenn... Jenn, I am so sorry. Yes, it does crush us. Oh, Jenn, I wish I could be there and be with you in the hospital to hold your hand and give you courage. All our love and hope for you, dear sister.

Jenn: Sh*#t, I'm just about speechless.  I haven't been on in quite awhile and now this.  I am sooooooo sorry.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.  (((HUG)))

Cute pic, Paxton

Jenn~ I can't get you off my mind today!!!   Sending hugs packed with love your way.  How are you doing?  How are you handling all this?  How?  I so wish there was something we could do to make your reality different right now!  I sure hope you get to see Connor today!  How's your DH taking it all?  Any more news from the doctors?  We love you May warrior sister!!!!  And we're here for you!

Paxton ~ what a cutie Gage is!

Day ~ love the hair!  It's so long

Leanna ~ new girls in 2 wks?  Hoping it all goes smoothly!

Patricia ~ sorry to hear of your news.  I absolutely see the strain BC has put on my relationship with Jeff.  Argh!!!  I seriously HATE this stupid disease!!!!

I'm trying to keep afloat and not sink into depression, etc.  I don't know if it's because of the Femara or that things have slowed down, or what.  I'm doing all I can and some days are easier than others.  My affirmation this past week has been "I am vibrantly alive and healthy".  Hmm... not really feeling it today but I'm working on it.  I am not an angry person but feel I have to deal with some anger that's surfaced lately.  Anybody have suggestions of how you've dealt with this type of onslaught of emotions?   It might be time to "up" my lexapro or add something to the mix.  At the end of the day, I do know that I have so many blessings in my life - my 3 beautiful kids being at the top of the list.  On that note, Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there.  Daiva

Thanks ladies for the kind kind words. I'm doing okay most of the time. I have a lot of break downs when I think about connor possibly growing up without me. I decided to take control of that and got Cam to bring the video camera to the hospital. If I can keep it together enough I'm going to make him a video of me, and then when/if I have enough energy I'm going to make it into a dvd with a bunch of pictures of our family. My worst/biggest fear is that he won't remember me. Okay I have to stop this thought track...



I start chemo today, it was going to be on Saturday but the weekend pharmacy staff doesn't mix chemo and the order didn't get in on time on Friday. It's called Navelbine and will be given with Herceptin. I'm hoping the side effects are okay. At least I'm already in the hospital if anything should go awry. I had too many visitors yesterday. I got the nurses to put a sign on my door saying "do not disturb until 3:30" and had a big nap. At one point there were nine people here at the same time. I'm feeling the love but man was I tired after that!



My hair stylist is going to come this week and do something about my hair. Without diffusing it and product in it, I look like the actor Christopher Walkin! I actually liked it shorter, kinda like Daiva's picture (you look smokin' btw).



Jersey, you asked about my address. It is 2092 95th St. North Battleford, Saskatchewan, Canada S9A 3C7. It's already our on the web from all my volunteer stuff, so I'm not to worried about it being up here!



Sorry I didn't address everyone, I'm typing on my phone and it takes forever!

Jenn: thanks for the address.. so glad you let us all know how you are doing. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Daiva is right...you are truly loved. How great your hair stylist is coming to do your hair. Very thoughtful.  Any update on when you can go home and be with your baby and husband? 

Daiva: I go through anger issues all the time. I have a huge cry and it releases some of the tension and anger that builds up on a daily basis.  Sometimes I put myself out of the element like this didnt happen to me and try to go through the day without thinking about it. I know this is not the most psychologically best thing to do but it works for me. 

nanaof2:  hope the month goes by fast for you and your finally rid of the steroids

Leanna: good luck with surgery

LibraryJenn:  Just checked in from a long break of checking in and read your latests posts.  I can feel the tremendous love you have for Connor so don't even put the thought process in your mind that he would not know inside his precious heart the love his Mother has for him.  The video / pictures would lend great inspiration to your mental health as you take the dreaded treatments to fight this monster -- so believe and do what you can to lift yourself up to the positive side of who you are!  I am reading the love of so many here on this Board for you as well because they are so right in that what we each have already faced is the lost of our lives through cancer.  Even though you said you knew it was extremely aggressive, fight . . . fight . . . fight.  Do not let yourself fall prey to that damn fear and depression that come with such news.  Glad to hear that you have such love pouring in that a sign to HOLD BACK A BIT FOLKS was needed.  Each day belongs to each one of us so claim that which you need -- make sure the doctors know what you are desiring as well.  Sometimes we get too "the doctor knows best" when we need to step up and claim what we KNOW we need.  A mother needs the hug of her child to lift her spirits -- praying that you are already getting that hug from the little guy!    God bless each day that you are fighting this battle and that you will walk out of it with the I AM THE BIGGER WARRIOR than any of us!     We are pleaing with God to hear our prayers and release your body from this damn disease quickly!  Much love!  Kim 

Kim, what a beautiful, meaningful song, thanks for sharing it.

One year ago today since my first chemo treatment. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times I am amazed at how quickly the time has gone by. I will be seeing my onc and radiologist in June.

Jenn, hope your chemo treatment went well. I hear you about the hair. I have never had a bit of curl and now it is really curly. I am able to blow try it somewhat straight, but the ends really curl. UGH!

Have a nice night ladies.

Judy

Hey ladies, I'm still up in the hospital but my oncologist is talking about maybe sending me home on Friday and I would get chemo an out patient (like before.) Chemo was good, the bone scan in the afternoonafter chemo was not, it was awful. I had intense pain (I was shaking and sweating) from the contrast dye. However it was worth it because it was clear! No bone mets . I'm doing much better today all around. Less nausea, less coughing, pain is managed...and here is the real kicker...my O2 levels are improving! I was at 90-91% on 5 liters on monday, just after supper I was 99% on 3.5. The respiratory specialist that said chemo couldn't help my lungs because the cancer was "too advanced" can come kiss my sore-from-being-in-a-hospital-bed-for-ten-days ass!



Anyway, I've been staring at my phone for too long, so have a good night ladies!

Jenn

Jenn, what great news, hang in there! I know you can't wait to get home and hold that little boy of yours. I'm thrilled for you! I'm going to have a good day now!

LibraryJenn:  There is power in prayer.  There is power in the love of friends and family.  There is a unique powerfulness of the love a mother has for her child that God placed there and the healing that can come just from that -- I think is what we can attribute to the GOOD NEWS!  So happy to hear.  You keep fighting and never ever give up that fight.  None of us have any guarantees on our walks in life.  Having cancer has just added to our scare factor but there is more to the picture than we can see.  Believe in it -- grab for it and we will all keep you in our prayers -- healing and the release from your body (and all of our bodies) of any cancer cell that is an UNWELCOMED / UNINVITED VISITOR to our lives.  To our bodies -- let us breathe in the good air of life and let us be freed from the misery of the negative irrational cancer cells!  Hugs to you and your family and your precious little son.  Post some recent picture of you and him and your husband together on here if you can!  We'd enjoy seeing it!  Much love and dedicated prayers to you!  Kim

YAY!!!!! Great news Jenn - I can't wait for your "sore-from-being-in-a-hospital-bed-for-ten-days ass" to be able to go home.

OH YES..OH YES....such great news!!!!!!!

So glad you are going to be with Connor again...And wonderful news about oxygen levels. Power of prayer and friends and family shines above all!!!