Never thought I'd be here

GointoCarolina · May 2011

I am a person who has always looked on the bright side.My cancer diagnosis was a slap in the face,but I got past that.I finally decided to have a prophylactic mastectomy on my remaining breast and reconstruction.I researched the options for over a year and was ready.March 28 I had the mast and tissue expanders placed.I was not having implants,but fat grafting.From the day of surgery I was in debilitating pain,so bad I begged the doctor to remove the expanders.He finally agreed to schedule the surgery and they were removed two weeks ago.My chest feels like there is a metal plate in it,he used Alloderm and had to remove it as it was not integrating into the tissue.My chest looks like a rutted up cow path.I feel like I have been hit by a train..normal I guess having two major surgeries so close together,.I feel like I put myself through all this for nothing,I wish I had just had the mast.I did not expect to have this much discomfort or to look so ugly. I was so looking forward to wearing my old clothes and feeling sexy.I cry at least once a day and feel like I will have this discomfort forever.I guess I am just looking for someone to say,it will all be OK,I will adjust and move on..again.....Has anyone else had a similar situation and how did you wrap your haad around it? Thanks for letting me vent.

beacon800 · May 2011

Gosh, you have been through a lot! I am sorry to hear you are in pain. What I notice is that you had these two surgeries very recently. It is natural that you will look pretty bad right now! It is upsetting, but for sure you will look better and better as you heal. Once you let some time pass, your plastic surgeon can do some revisions on the areas and definitely make it all look smoother and better.

As for pain, that is tough. I would guess that it will subside in time as you heal. Maybe see if you can get a consult with a pain management specialist. These are great pros who are used to dealing with severe post surgical pain. I hope you feel better soon!

GointoCarolina · May 2011

Thanks to you both..I am not used to feeling like this,maybe it all has finally hit me.After my original mastectomy my scar was a little raised,these are big puffs of skin,both on my chest and under my arms.I think maybe he left extra skin in case I want recon in the future?I will ask him at my next visit.I think I coudl deal with the puffs if I just was not in pain.I am going to call tomorrow and ask if I can take muscle relaxers.I just feel like a whiner ,because I know there are plenty worse off than me.

AnneW · May 2011

You've been through so much. Cancer itself is bad enough, then the stress of figuring out your own treatment/surgery course. Then to have it fail. Coping mechanisms are not at their best right now.

You probably had a skin sparing procedure to give room for the expanders and fat grafting. You may have suffered some nerve damage during the mastectomy (check out the post-mastectomy pain syndrome thread)--and you may need muscle relaxants, nerve meds like Lyrica or gabapentin, or even an anti-depressant to help you get through all this. Or maybe time and a counsellor. There's justifiable anger and grief.

What's happening to you is YOUR experience. Don't belittle it or invalidate it just because others are "worse off."

I hope this works out for you.

GointoCarolina · May 2011

No,did not have skin sparing as doctor wanted both sides to match.My husband thinks I still have a lot of swelling,I have to remember there was a lot of trauma in a short time.I feel better today,just having all of you respond helps.Thank you for reminding me that I don't have to be up beat 24/7,that I am entitled to my feelings.I took a muscle relaxer last night and it helped.I also ordered arnica this morning.The sun is shining,so I will spend as much time as I can outside,that is a cure in itself!

Anonymous · May 2011

Ahm Arnica gel - suggested by my PS, even tho I had been using it for years. I used the gel, AND the tablets ( homeopathic under your tongue) b4 & after the surgery. Sounds like you're on the right path to taking good care of yourself, as others have said, you've been thru so, so much. It takes time, and there's just no way around that. Our bodies heal on their own time table - and I really think the work we have to do, is to make that healing as easy as possible for ourselves.

In a strange way, I'm almost greateful I've had clinical depression for years, take medication, cuz I can't imagine how any woman gets thru bc without an antidepressant! Seriously - it is so difficult, physically, emotionally, psychologically - and the BEST NEWS - is that, it gets better, as you take more & more good care of yourself. Let yourself FEEL whatever you feel, and try to be patient with yourself. It's a long hard journey - but you'll be FINE. Really -

GointoCarolina · May 2011

Yes, I ordered the pills and the gel and just wish I had thought of it before.I decided that today I was just going to enjoy the sunshine and putter around.I have to share this with you all...I really believe in guardian angels.I will try to make this short...I had been corresponding with a man half way across the country from me about goats(!)Through our conversations,it turned out he was having chemo for pancreatic cancer,so we had another bond.My last email from him was wishing me well for my surgery.I emailed him as soon as I got back on the computer and didn't get a response.I learned a few days later that he had died.It broke my heart,he was a very kind and caring person and even though we never met in person, we had a wonderful friendship.On top of my being depressed over feeling like crap,I felt worse that he was gone and that I would never get to buy a goat from him.This morning I got a call from a woman in Maine(goat lady!) who told me another woman was coming to her place from Minnesota and she would bring goats......and it all adds up that I AM getting a baby goat from my friend!I can't believe all this fell into place,but I know he arranged it and is just smiling down on me today.Now that I am so happy and excited I know my body will heal faster.Having this forum for support is beyond price.Now to think of the perfect name for my new baby!!!

Never thought I'd be here

Comments

Categories