Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011
    He called, is planning in getting off early and coming with me tomorrow after all. We talked for quite a while. He at one point did say he thinks I get frustrated with his schedule and stuff. So I said no, not frustrated but I'm a planner so it just will take me some time to get used to it but that it will be fine. He also said he'd rather tell me he may not be able to do something then I'd be surprised when it works out instead of disappointed if he had to work late and cancel. So it sounds like that's the only thing that would interfere. I think he was realizing I was bummed about the whole situation with tomorrow night. So he was patient and explaining his work hours and how unless it's his free weekend or he has days off, the planning will have to be sort of last minute. It sounds like he's interested, but I certainly need to relax! Summer time is crazy for him, so my patience will keep this going, not me acting stupid and needy! :) He was making future plans like about us spending weekends together when he's not working or with kids etc... but the rest is really up in the air. I can work with that, everything else is great so I just need to stop panicking.

    So we're going to the brew fest tomorrow night, then he's staying here and going to work Sunday from here. He doesn't have his kids the weekend of the 15th I think it is. We talked and I'm going to see if Mike (my ex) can switch with me and then we'd have a lot of time that weekend to spend together, he really wants to take me golfing and stuff!

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  • Juliebell22
    Juliebell22 Member Posts: 72
    edited October 2011

    s

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Julie, it's not my place to say, but I don't think you should have dropped the legal stuff.   You are going to need that money.   Pretty sleazy of him to skip town and not pay child support, IMO.   And don't let his gf scare you.   Chemo went much better for me than I thought it would.   Yes, I lost my hair, but it grew back full and thick.    I do feel you should probably not date until treatment is complete.   Dating is stressful and tiresome - and so is treatment.   Better to wait until you are done and looking great and feeling good - do you agree?

    Dragonfly, I am glad he called.   He really likes you.   If it's one thing I learned, is that if they aren't calling, they aren't interested.   Obviously, that is not the case here.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    I agree, chemo is tiring, but totally doable! I did chemo and radiation and worked full time during it all. That was about all I could handle at the time. It's hard to find the strength to do much else. I didn't get sick with it, of course lost my hair. I had a small amount of decent hair after maybe 4-6 months.

    Thanks fearless. I think that convo last night whas just what I needed to hear to snap me out of the worrying panic, does he like me or not mode. I think he is genuinely interested, but the scheudling will be tricky during the summer and I'm going to deal with it just fine. I'm trying to relax, be happy and just have fun with him. I can't wait to see him tonight :) 

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    Hopefully Dragonfly is out having fun at Brewfest.....

    Julie, hope you are doing okay.....

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  • Juliebell22
    Juliebell22 Member Posts: 72
    edited October 2011

    : 4/13/2011, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIb, Grade 2, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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  • Juliebell22
    Juliebell22 Member Posts: 72
    edited May 2011

    Dragon fly, hope you are having a great night out as well!

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Hey ladies!! He was able to make it to the brew fest!! :) We went with my good friend and her boyfriend. Had a lot of fun, good beer and lots of laughs! He stayed here after and just left for work.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Thinking of you Julie! I can sadly relate closely to your ex and that situation. It does get better, I laugh at mine a lot. It's the thing that keeps me sane because otherwise I could strangle him big time! Just focus in your girl, good times with friends and it will get better!

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    Julie, you are right - I suppose if he wanted to, he could make things difficult for you now with your diagnosis.   I am glad you are in good spirits, however!

    Dragonfly, glad you had a good time!    I don't want to date until my recon is over, which is too bad because I am probably looking at October for my exchange surgery.   Probably won't have nipples by the holidays, I don't know....    I just want to look and feel my best when I start dating again.   If I start dating again, lol!

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    I know what you mean. I'm trying to schedule my final recon to add the nipples. I feel awkward but he is totally ok with me so I'm getting more comfortable!! Takes time for sure. you'll date again, I have faith :)

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    I just need to be tough because I know that it will matter to some guys.   Remember the guy I dated off and on for 3 years who dumped me when he saw my post-chemo photo?   I know there are lots more out there like him and I need to be prepared for that kind of rejection before I find the right one, I think.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Unfortunately I think it matters to most guys! I'm still floored that it doesn't bother this guy I've dated at all. If you're stronger it will attract the right guy I like to think? I have no good advice, look how freaked out I am when it comes to this stuff?

    Last night went great, then today it was beautiful here and he got done working early than planned. So I drove to his house and we played golf. I have never played, and was super nervous at first. We had a couple beers, played 9 holes and had a blast! 

    So at one point he put his arm around me when we were driving in the cart, and he always tickles me. I jerked a little when he did that, expecting him to tickle me. He said "What kind of girlfriend are you going to be if I can't put my arm around you" 

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  • Juliebell22
    Juliebell22 Member Posts: 72
    edited May 2011

    Dragonfly, that is a great sign! Obviously, he digs you!

    Had a dream last night that my teeth fell out one by one. Im my dream i thought, great, Im going to be bald AND toothless! My friend looked up the dream today, and it said something about fearing loss of beauty. Realized, thats what this awful disease mentally does to us, (besides the physical aspects of course.) It makes us feel like we are not going to be feminine enough or confident enough to ever find someone again. Ugh! You girls were right! dating on its own is hard enough, without all of the added insecurities! Fearless, I have felt the same way about being lonely, but just not ready after the ex. now this! I am going to change my mindset though... If the right one(after treatment of course,) cant handle my dx, then he certainly wouldnt be able to handle ME!

    going in tomorrow for all of my fun tests.. ct,bone, and MRI. Hoping i stay a stage 3... How crazy is that?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    You're right, I think it takes a great man to deserve us and handle us on a normal basis. Add the scars and diagnosis to it, really narrows the playing field so to speak. I know it will be hard to feel totally comfortable and confident in the intimate moments but I'm getting better!

    Thinking of you Julie and all your tests tomorrow. Hope they go fast and you get excellent results :)  Keep us posted! 

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    I agree with Dragonfly.   I do think it matters to most guys and significantly narrows the dating field.   But obviously it doesn't matter to all of them - see, you got a good one....

    I used to think the older they were, the less it mattered, but my guy was 52 and he was pretty shallow and the chemo hair and all really mattered to him.  

    I don't think how strong you are really matters.   They are either attracted to you or not.   The right guy will understand if we have some insecurities over all BC has done.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    I agree that they should love us as a whole. Scars, insecurities and all. They have their own issues too. What I mean about being strong is I feel like I need to appear confident with my body and scars even if I'm nervous. I know this guy just kept saying it's ok, it's ok. So that really helped! No matter the issue the more at ease we are I think they will eventually be.

    Unless he's a total prick and runs!!



    Yesterday we went to play golf and he reaches in the bag and had 2 pink breast cancer balls for me to use!!!

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    It just depends on the guy.   If he's shallow (like mine was), it won't matter how strong or secure you are.   It's all in how they feel about you and what kind of person they are.    If what they feel for you is strong enough, no surgeries are going to matter.  

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    I don't know, men in general suck honestly, finding a good one is rare!! How are you feeling by the way with your expanders?

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Ok ladies.... so tonight we were talking, and I just had to ask him, if he's still looking, using his online dating account or how does this work? He said no, he cancelled it, it's still active until the rest of his paid time is up though. He said he has got a couple winks, but did not responded. He said he doesn't believe in dating more than one person at a time or any of that. I said that's good to hear. He asked about me, and admitted he was a little worried about it too. I said no, I can't still look and communicate with new matches, it's just not how I work and I would feel like it was in apprpropriate to keep looking. He said he agreed and was glad to hear that's how I felt too. He asked if I'm happy and comfortable with how things are going. I told him yes, very much so, that I am happy and like where this is going. He said he is too, and he has no complaints so far!

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    You are so funny!   Yes, I agree most of them suck, lol!   And by suck, I mean shallow and looks-oriented.   I think women don't care about looks in their partner nearly as much as men do.  

    Anyways, you have no worries about this guy - sounds like you have yourself a bf who is pretty crazy about you....! 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Again I agree with you :) They are shallow, and the most shallow ones have NO reason to be because they aren't so great themselves! I've had guys ask me before what I look for in a guy, or chat online with them and the first thing they ask for is a pic and what I "look" like. I don't have a specific type of guy I date. I've dated tall skinny guys, average hieght and body, a couple that were heavier. I guess I'm more mental, there does have to be some sort of attraction but so much more of it to me/women I think is based on what's inside. This guy is tiny, I may squish him, LMAO! He's 5'6 he says, but I think that may be pushing it. There will be no heel wearing for this girl! He also maybe weighs 135 lbs? He's a cutie though and all the other aspects of him are great! 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Ok ladies, I swear I'll lose my friggin mind :)

    I totally felt better after talking to him last night! Then I was telling my friend here at work about it. She said well duh Erika, what's he going to say, that he's looking or still keeping his options open? No, he's going to tell you what you want to hear. So now I'm a little bugged by it. Should I be? He seems so honest, but I've been burned and lied to so much my gut tells me she could be right on? He seems like an open book, he's told me that many times, I can ask him anything at all I want, and big on communication.   Confused....

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    I think she is wrong.   He could have said that he hasn't met anyone special or just chats with people occassionally, or any number of vague responses.   I don't think he was lying.    Sounds like he stopped looking when he met you.   Men know fairly quickly.   

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Thanks fearless, I truly believed him until she put that thought in my head. Like I needed that huh?

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    I have had men I was dating tell me they are still on-line, so I know there are some honest men.  

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    Well he has been honest this far to my knowledge, so I'm trying to just go with that!!

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    Besides, his actions speak for him.   And his actions say he is into you.   

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited May 2011

    That they do...

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2011

    Hi Dragonfly,

    I'm happy to hear that things are going so good for you! he sounds like a really sweet guy. Regarding your question, I think that when you meet a guy on line is the same like in any other way and in the same way you have to trust your instincts regarding his honesty. Also if you met somebody in any other circumstance you couldn't be sure that he is not looking for other women. Just trust the relationship and the way that you feel about it. Try to put your worries aside and enjoy it!!

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