Job change - am I crazy?

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Laurie09
Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

HI all, I'm just looking for some support again about a job change I'm making.   

I posted here last fall about a job change I was considering that involved a move across the country.  Everyone here was so supportive, but I had a lot of guilt and anxiety about moving away from my family, and worries about BC recurrence, so I turned the job down. Afterwards, I regretted turning down the offer and not taking the opportunity.  

So, now another really great opportunity has come my way, and last week I accepted the job.  It means moving away from my parents and my brother and sister in law.  I've talked at length with my family and friends about this decision, and I have been going to counseling to help me sort through all my concerns.  After careful consideration, I decided this was an opportunity I needed to take.    

I have been feeling really excited about this opportunity, but the past couple of days, I'm having some self doubts again about whether I'm being foolish moving away from my family.   A while back when I was deciding whether to apply for this job, I talked with a colleague of mine about my concerns - what happens if I have a progression of my BC, will I have support, etc.  She seemed supportive of my considering this move and even wrote me one of my letters of reference.   So, this weekend I told her I had accepted the position.  She started questioning me about my breast cancer, "what stage are you?  how many lymph nodes did you have? what's the prognosis?"  Then she said, "well, I think you're very brave." I also know it makes my brother and sister in law nervous, but they are trying to be supportive.  

I've already accepted the position, so I'm going to at least go try it, but I'm having self doubts again - am I being foolish to consider a job move that is a great opportunity for me if it means moving away?  I'm 41 and single.  I do have an aunt and uncle that live near where I would be moving and a good friend that I will be working with and it is at a university, so there will be a lot of people around.  My current job has a lot of problems and has been hit pretty hard by the economy - I took 6 weeks off unpaid (voluntary layoff) this winter to help them get through and they're still struggling.    FWIW, my current boss was very nice when I told him I accepted the new position - I actually think it helps him out a bit right now.  He also said there would be an open door here if I wanted to come back, so I know that there is at least an option to move back here if I need to at some point in the future.  

I guess I'm just looking for support, and wanted to know what others thought... is this foolish or selfish of me to be moving?   

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited May 2011

    OK, I rewrote this because the original was too long!  Smile 

    I'm just looking for some support or for someone to say, yes, you're crazy. LOL.

    I'm 41 and single. I posted last fall about a job opportunity I was considering that involved moving across the country.  Everyone here was very supportive, but I had a lot of fears and anxiety about moving away from my family and fears of recurrence, so I turned the job down and ended up regretting it after the fact.  

    I've been talking at length with my family and friends about this, and I have been going to counseling the past few months to help me with my fears/anxiety.  Anyway, another opportunity has come my way that involves moving though not quite as far.  Still, it's a short plane ride away from my parents and brother and sister in law.   

    After careful consideration, I decided to accept the position last week.  It's a really good position with good health insurance and there is an NIH cancer center literally almost across the street from where I will be working.   Hopefully I won't need it for anything other than followups, but it's nice to know it's there.  

    Anyway, I have been feeling excited but nervous about this, and I see this as a good opportunity.  This weekend I was talking to a colleague of mine - I had talked with her before about considering a job move and she even wrote me one of my letters of reference for this job.  Anyway, I told her I accepted the position and she started questioning me about my BC, "What stage were you? How many lymph nodes do you have?" and then she said she thought I was brave to make such a move.  Undecided  I know I shouldn't listen to 1 person, but I can tell it also makes my brother and sister in law nervous even though they're trying to be supportive.   

    My current job has a lot of stress and uncertainty - the economy has taken a toll, and they're still struggling.  I talked with my boss this weekend, and he was very nice about it and excited for me for this opportunity, and he said there would be an open door for me to come back if I wanted to (though I realize he can't guarantee anything).  I think it actually helps them in the short term for me to leave.  

    Since I've already accepted the position, I'm going to at least try it.   But I'm just wondering if this is foolish or selfish of me to be making this move?  

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited May 2011

    You are NOT foolish!  Go for it woman!  You would always wonder "what if" if you don't this time, and it sounds as though there is good health care where you are going (which you won't need other than for check ups right?).  Keep telling yourself all the positive things and own that decision.  DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!

    Keep us posted!

    Sharon

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited May 2011

    No, you are not crazy!

    It is scary to make big life changes anyway, but with all the cancer fears thrown in, I can understand your nervousness. But I think sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith! 

    And ask yourself this - why did you go through months and months of treatment?  For your life, that is why. So, go live it. You'll do great.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited May 2011

    Not foolish at all.   I think foolish would be moving with no job lined up.    You are very brave!   Don't let BC make you a prisoner to an unhappy or stressful situation.  

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  • J9W
    J9W Member Posts: 395
    edited May 2011

    It's AWESOME.  Live life to the fullest.  And whether you had BC or not, it would be scary to move so you are in just the right spot.  (I've packed up and moved across the country twice:  Mass to Alaska, and Alaska to Florida - no jobs lined up either time - and it all worked out great). Change is good. Have fun.

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  • J9W
    J9W Member Posts: 395
    edited May 2011

    Oh, and for both moves - I got rid of all my stuff except clothes (and artwork) - dump you 'stuff' and start fresh.

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  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited May 2011

    No, you are definitely not foolish. It would be scary even without your bc history to make a move, so that shouldn't be the basis for your concern. As fearless_one saiys, foolish would be to make a move without a job waiting.

    For several reasons, this job sounds like it's a better "fit" than the first one, so rejecting the first one seems to have been part of the "bigger plan" the universe has in store for you. Don't second guess yourself.

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited May 2011
    Thank you, everyone, this is what I needed to hear.  It means a lot coming from people who "get it".  I'm really excited about this opportunity.   Smile
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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited May 2011

    I say "do whatever you want to do in this life we have"  my motto on a daily basis besides

    "keep on"

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  • americanpinay
    americanpinay Member Posts: 338
    edited May 2011

    I am joining the "no-you're-not-crazy" bunch. I think it is wonderful that you are doing what you think is right for you. I know it can be hard sometimes but we should not let BC hold us back. Not for a new job, going on vacation, buying a house. I'm sure you'll do great. Congratulations!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2011

    You go girl !  I've been pondering the same thing.  Start a new life in a new place with new faces !  Ditch the old - in with the new.  How refreshing, motivating and exciting ! Cool

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4WFzvkzCKc

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited May 2011

    It is exciting when I think about the job and making a change that i need to make.  It's scary and a little sad leaving my friends and family, but one of the good things about this job is that there is a lot of flexibility in terms of being able to come back for visits.   

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  • elmcity69
    elmcity69 Member Posts: 998
    edited May 2011

    laurie, you are neither foolish nor selfish, but your colleague DEFINITELY is. screw what she said. i mean, really. insensitive and i think projecting her own fears - look, we represent the grim reaper to some people, but those folks just don't get it. they don't see how we thrive and survive through Hell and back.

    go for it, lady...you sound smart, organized, and ready to do it. best of luck to you!

    xo

    janyce

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited May 2011

    Janyce, I was annoyed by what my colleague said, particularly because I had been confiding in her over the previous months about my fears of recurrence and whether to make a job move.  So, for her to bring up that perhaps I was foolish to be moving in the face of my BC AFTER I had accepted the job really irked me. It probably wouldn't have bothered me so much were it not for my own self doubts.   

    Anyway, thanks for everyone's perspective, it's really helpful!  

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited May 2011

    Laurie,

    Your friend's comments initially rrked me too, but I realize after many years (thank God) of dealing with this is that people sometimes say the darndest things.  What she said, even though she was trying to help you, was totally irrelevant.  No one knows what tomorrow holds.  I have a friend with your stats who changed jobs a few years ago, she is six years out now, and she would be miserable if she hadn't trusted her instincts.  She loves her new job.  Carpe Diem, I always say! 

    Hugs,

    Bobbie

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited May 2011

    Do it!  Your collegue is a pill. 

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  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 937
    edited May 2011

    Excuse me for popping in your forum, but I had to post.  Foolish . . . no!!!  The only thing that would be foolish would be holding back on what you want to do because of BC.  

    Selfish?  Probably not, but who cares . . . you are young and single (me too) and should put yourself first!

    Congrats on the new job!  What an exciting development. 

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited May 2011

    Laurie....Foolsih...NO.....Selfish.....NO!!!!

    Listen to your heart...which you did.....staying put won't guarantee health anymore than moving will harm you health....So I say Go for it!!!

    Be sure to tell us all about the new job and new city....Wishing you success in your new venture!!!

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  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited May 2011

    Thank you all for the support.  It means a lot. So, I'm moving to Columbus, OH and will be teaching at Ohio State university.   I already have 1 good friend out there, and an aunt and uncle that are about 2 hrs away.   I'm wondering if anyone on this site is from that area? 

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited May 2011

    Not foolish at all, if you had never got bc you would have gone without any questions.  For you not to go due to bc it means it wins.  I understand why you would be nervous, I would too but you can't let it hold you back and live in fear.  Go and enjoy! 

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  • Celtic_Spirit
    Celtic_Spirit Member Posts: 748
    edited May 2011

    Good for you! I would love to change jobs, and I would love to move back East. I was planning to do so when BC reared its ugly head.

    Feeling excited and nervous at the same time is normal. I think you made the right choice. Hope it all works out for you.

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited May 2011

    Laurie....I"m a 3 time grad of Ohio State....we left Columbus 25 years ago....I went to high school in Columbus and my husband is a native...his mother is still in the Columbus area as is his brother and family....I haven't been to Columbus in 15 years...and haven't been to Ohio in 10 years...my parents moved to Cincinnati after I graduated high school and retired to FL in 2001...All the best to you in your new position at OSU....btw...what do you teach?

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