Starting chemo January 2009?

Hi Jewels,

Been thinking about you lately.   Am coming up on the 2 year anniv of my LAST chemo.   some days it seems like yesterday, most time it seems like a bad dream.  I got through my Mammo and exam in March - needed extra views of a dystrophic (sp) calcification.  Hated the sound of that  - but they believe it is from surgery and rads and the pesky seroma still lingering in there.  Breast surgeon says it may get better but I will always feel the scar tissue.  Every time I see her, there is a student of some sort -- I am a good training patient as this seroma " feels like a tumor would" -- how reassuring .  They assure me they can see around it on Mri and mammo. 

My onc retires in June .   He is my hero.  He plans to continue to be involved with patient care conferences -- says the new guys know the new stuff, but when that doesn't work they need the old guys to tell them what used to work.  He also plans to write a book on the things that patients taught him that helped him be a better physician.  He is truly wonderful and I was so blessed to have him care for me .  i will miss him.  He told me he that even though he will still be involved with the clinic, he won't be allowed to access my medical record.  I plan to send him a note every year on my birthday -- in that he is much the reason I will be celebrating birthdays.   I asked him if I could ask my new onc for his assistance if ever I need it - to which he said absolutely.   One more appointament with him in June --- I will try not to be a weepy mess.

I am feeling great,   Bought myself a membership to WeightWatchers and am 25 lbs lighter as a result.  Am eating good food and exercising regularly.    Am ramping up for the Relay for Life in June... of course I will be carrying you all with me again.

Have been supporting three friends through breast cancer.  Paying it forward for all who helped me.  It has been  very healing for me.

Well Jewels.... good to see all of us getting on and living life!  Take Care!

Hello everyone.  Well, in good ol Michigan we jumped from rainy, cold  weather to 80 degrees.  I finally felt limber enough to move around in my yard and actually raked a bit.  We also have a stray dog hanging around.  A sweet female who recently had puppies.  I hope it is not another drop off.  It's been years since dogs have come our way; we usually have cats, kittens, pregnant cats who have kittens dropped off at our house.  I don't understand why people think it is okay to drop off cats or dogs at some rural area and figure they'll be able to fend for themselves! That irks me!  At any rate, my dog-well actually dd's - had quite a hey day with asserting her authority, don't ya know!  After a bit, the two get along just fine and I guess if no one claims her, I'll take her in!  The thing is, I am sure someone is missing her.  She is well behaved dog and so sweet. She sat when told and then stayed there!  (quite unlike the other one!)

I will take a photo of her, print up a flyer or two, and post them- while taking care of her.  I'd hate to take her away from her home , if that is indeed the case.

Saw the PA last week for the 4 month check up.  I have  a mri on the 22nd---yikes- trying not to worry!

Just saw a link DS sent to DH about dying from cancer and reflecting on life.  There has been a few of those lately.  Just breaks my heart that my cancer has made him think of life and priorities and dying in a way that young men his age don't usually have to think of or face. 

That is a better way of thinking of it Renrel, once the initial upset faded I can see that side of it easier

Hi all!! Am on spring break finally and while I read these boards every day I'm usually just too tired to post. Kmmd--I know what you mean. My poor youngest child became so aware of death at age 13 when my husband had a stroke, and then again at 14 with my bc. Maybe some day she'll be able to reflect on this and accept life as a gift (which I try to get her to believe) but more often she thinks "why bother," and I'm definately keeping an eye on her. Our getting sick hit her more than older relatives dying. I don't get that deep sick feeling in my stomach as often now that I'm 2.5 years out from diagnosis--but sometimes it does hit me that I could die of this at some point. More immediately, there was another drive-by at our school at 8:15 am, after I had just got to my classroom. Two cars shooting at each other. One car hit multiple parents' cars who were dropping off children, and no one was hit but the kids heard and saw it. Scary and I'm mad our students have to live with that.

BerekleyKim, very sad to hear about the drive by, must have been terrible for the kids to see and hear.  I've avoiding flying as much as possible with the LE, but, so far haven't had too much trouble.

Jess, Couldn't agree with you more.  I think people remember their school days and how they saw things as a kid and think they know what teachers go through, but they don't.  If they did our educators  would get more of the pay and respect they deserve.

Renrel, I'm not in education, just really don't think our educators are appreciated.  You know, I felt the same way.  Avoid flying as much as possible because of the hassle and my LE, and really didn't want more radiation either.  I chickened out too, easier to just go along with it and not have to explain anything.  As it turned out at that moment of decision I really hated the thought of explanations hassle and attention more than I hated the radiation.

Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend, always love hearing how DS is doing.  Congratulations to your parents and to you and your husband on your anniversaries. I've always thought I got wonderfully lucky with DH, but, have to say one of the small blessings from BC has been that I really appreciate our anniversay more.  BC was not always easy on our marriage, tamoxifen those first several months really wasn't, but, he has been wonderful and anniversaries are more special now.

Berkleykim - So sorry about your friend. I will send good thoughts her way.  I know OC is a tough one but remember people survive even bad cancers.  My peditrian, from my own childhood, had OC and got better.  They atributed it to g-d as they had a rabbi come to there house and check their mazusas (the thing jews adhear to their door post to remember g-d) and were told they were not proper.  They fixed them, she got better, and the whole family moved to Isreal.  This was at least 20 year ago.  Now I Face Book with their daughter whose youngest is about the age of my son.  My Peditrician passed this year but his wife is still around.  You are right though, 40 is way to young. 

Renrel--thanks for the positive story!! Really needed it after visitng dr. google. After draining 7 lbs of fluid of her abdomen the pathologist will try to find cells to determine whether it's ovc or colon ca, since markers are high for both.

And thanks for the early congrats. Do you have any party plans for your folks? 50 yrs is pretty amazing!!

Hello everyone.  MRI--came back clear!  Then I am on to May 28 with the onc.......Always something! 

Great news, Jess! I have mine in June and I see the onc tomorrow.

Finally found a used copy of the "Anti-Cancer" book. I know we've talked about this before. Most people rave about this book, but as I read it I feel worse and worse--like my choices caused my cancer. I'm trying to exercise more and eat better, but sometimes I just want a sweet roll and instead of enjoying it I feel guilty over it. I was going to give the book to my co-teacher, but I'm not sure she's in the mindspace for it quite yet. She came in to see the kids on Friday (could barely walk) and just cried. We made a lovely book for her with letters and water color/crayon drawings from each kiddo.

Renrel: Words of wisdom for sure! Thanks!! I'll think of it as a process and not necessarily as a solution.

 I want to get to the place where I can be more accepting, perhaps "zen", about the choices I make, but I think what got me is that he points out that we need to de-stress, and then I stress about not always making good choices. I need to read the book more carefully--I'm doing lots of what he advocates--exercising, mushroom supplements, tumeric, some vegies but not enough (does carrot juice count?).

Good advice, Renrel.  I appreciate your take on the book.

In two weeks I have a appt with onc.....nervous!  I had an ultrasound done on my thyroid- no news on that yet.   I should hear by Monday.

Have a great Saturday!  Very beautiful today in good ol Michigan.

Jess, keep us posted

BerkleyKim, my thoughts are with you and your co-teacher.  15 lbs is hard, I'm slowly getting the Tamoxifen weight off, but, it is hard. 

Renrel, I've tried very hard to find a more positive attitude and find the good in BC like you're encouraging us to do.  Have to tell you, I found one today.  I still have balance problems from the neuropathy.  DH and I love to go for walks in the evening and the weather here is finally nice enough to do so.  Crossing roads looking for traffic, up and down curbs etc puts the neuropathy to the test.  Realized tonight we've gotten into a habit.  When we cross those roads I hold on to his hand and he helps me across.  Such a sweet thing to me.  Just like he's stood by me through all this BC and associated grief, he now quietly gives me a hand when I need it so we can keep moving and doing something we love.  Clutches my heart every time I reach over and his hand is already there.  That is precious to me.  I wouldn't have thought so a year ago, but, you're right, with time, and effort, and working on it, I am finding positives in this journey.