Crushing news of Stage IV.

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pray4strength
pray4strength Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

I am the son of a wonderful mother who has stage IV Breast Cancer. So far it has been blow after blow. First, the diagnosis of breast cancer. Next, a PET scan revealing a very bad situation. Stage IV. I had a very hard time hearing the diagnosis of BC and as I started to accept that reality, and harvest a new brand of hope, the news of Stage IV hit. It's crushing me, but I must know it. I am the only one she can confide in and I am 1100 miles away. I call her every day but still the thought of her going this alone rips my soul to pieces.

Unfortunately, she has a critical job in Washington D.C., which is preventing her from choosing to go the Mayo Clinic or another cancer center. Oddly enough, I think it may be the shockingly slow process of biopsy scheduling, biopsy results, and laxadaisical attitiude of the doctors that may push her to go to a cancer treatment center. It has taken a month to get to the point where stage IV was discovered. This pace is unacceptable. I can't stand it and my mother can't stand it. I hope she chooses to go to a center. Fortunately, I will be graduating college in May and I am in a position to go be with her for as long is necessary.  As of right now I am hoping that I can come to grips soon so that I can prepare for what I expect will be an overwhelming period of hardship, emotion, care, and love. Every night I pray for the strength that will be necessary to carry us in the months to come.

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited April 2011

    Pray4strength, i am so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. Hugs to you and her. I hope that she gets the care that she needs soon.

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  • icey
    icey Member Posts: 141
    edited April 2011

    Dear Pray4strength, I am so sorry you are haveing to go through this with your mom. But it is important for you to know that stage 4 can be treated. Women with stage 4 are living longer and longer. There are women on these boards with stage 4 who have survived 20 years. If your mom has the er positive type of breast cancer then there are a lot of drugs that can stop the growth of the cancer. I have a friend who has stage 4 and she is fine and her scans are now all clear after chemo and she is on tamofen. So you need more info about your mom type of cancer. I pray she will be here for you for years to come. I will pray for you.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Wanted you to know that your mother is near a good cancer center.  Johns Hopkins is 2nd or 3rd in the country in cancer care - MD Anderson in Texas is first.  My understanding is that MD Anderson can do a complete workup in less than 2 weeks.  I assume that Hopkins could do the same - I spent my entire adult life in the DC area before moving to Colorado.  Best wishes to you and your mother.

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  • toomuch
    toomuch Member Posts: 901
    edited April 2011

    Pray4strength-You are an awesome son to be tackling your final semester of college and giving so much thought to your mom that you call her every day! I live in the DC area and have been pleased with my medical care. Georgetown is a NCI Certified Cancer Center. I saw Dr. Claudine Issacs there in consultation and was really impressed by her. I know what you mean about the biopsies taking so long...the waiting is the hardest part. If you would like more information about physicians/cancer centers in DC send me a private message and I will be glad to answer your questions.

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  • GabbyCal
    GabbyCal Member Posts: 277
    edited April 2011

    Pray4strength - My heart goes out to you. I live far from my mother and understand the emotional and logistical issues. She is lucky to have you looking out for her and you will be able to help as you've demonstrated by finding this site.

    As others have mentioned, the Washington DC area has some excellent cancer care centers. Johns Hopkins Avon Foundation Breast Center is near Washington DC. They arrange for second opinion appointments within days of first inquiry. Phone is 443-778-2778 or www.hopkinsbreastcenter.org. 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    I wanted to provide you with this link that appeared on another thread about a week ago.  It's about a stage4 cancer patient (9 years) who owns a chain of Pilates Studios in Atlanta.  It inspired me and changed my thinking.

    http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/dpp/health/health_watch/health-watch-surviving-cancer-041311

    My wish for your mother is that wherever she goes for treatment, I hope she finds a support team like this woman has.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Just saw your post and wanted to tell you that I was diagnosed in 1998 with Stage lV breast cancer, sternum, lung and liver.  I am still undergoing chemo and always will be from now on, but I am still living a pretty normal life, working, doing things, enjoying living.  I have been to MDA and as much as I was impressed with the place and the onco I saw there his recommendations did not work for me and it is my local onco who has found the treatments that I have responded to the most and gotten the best results with.  I am not saying MDA and some of the other places that deal strictly with breast cancer are not good, but I do think that it depends more on the oncologist than the facility so perhaps your mother can find a perfectly good oncologist close to home. The important thing is to get all the biopsies and testing done, find out exactly what you are dealing with and get started on treatment ASAP.  I wish you and your mother the best. 

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  • pray4strength
    pray4strength Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2011

    Thank you all so much for your support, encouragment, and wisdom on this subject. There is a lot of inspiration  and strength in this community and it is a great source of hope. I hope to have the Doctor and Onco situation stable within the next few weeks. I also hope to direct my mother's attention to this community, where I know she can find unparalleled compassion, understanding, and inspiration. Letlet, icey, nurse-ann, toomuch, GabbyCal, and Marybe; the gratitude I have for your words during this time is immeasurable. Thank you so very much.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited April 2011

    you are such a sweet guy.. DO concentrate on your final studies as you support your mom.. It is most likely that she'll be fine .. can she come here to commisserate with us?  - I see you are trying.

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