Trying not to freak out

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited April 2011

    {{{MICHELLE}}}} Hugs and prayers.

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  • TifJ
    TifJ Member Posts: 1,568
    edited April 2011
    Michelle- Thinking of you and sending a warm hug. I hope you are able to get to Boston soon and get a plan of attack under way!
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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Good Morning friends,

    I got a good night's sleep last night and we didn't wake up until 8:00!  It made all the difference in the world to sleep in my own bed.  Not sure if I mentioned that we bought a little step stool and a boomerang-shaped pillow at Bed Bath & Beyond.  It was a perfect solution so I could get into the bed and then sleep comfortably on my back.  And I am not finding  the TE's to be a big problem.  Hanging in there OK with no sign of infection.  Today we are going to pick up my mom and take her to our casino for a little outing.  I'll explain my bmx to her and she'll be able to see that I am doing Ok.  We have to take it one step at a time with her.

    Thanks for all your love, thoughts and prayers.  I have a whole host of family scouting up places for mom and for us.  It will all come together soon.

    Michelle

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Michelle,

    Glad to hear that you were able to sleep in your own bed!  It truly does make a HUGE difference as things always seem a little easier to deal with when you're not tired.

    Wow, I can't get over how quickly you are up and about... I hope that things go well with breaking your news to your Mom.  My mother does not deal with things like this really well and I know I have to be really careful what and how I tell her.  I understand that she means well but, it is just how she is.

    Thank goodness for your family!  Once you get the details of your plan in place, you will feel better!

    Still thinking of you!

    Jennifer

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Jennifer - I'm doing OK this evening, just a little tired from the day's excursion.  My mom has early Alzheimer's so we thought if we told her then took her to the casino, she'd forget about it.  And she did...sometimes the Alz can be more of a blessing than a curse.  The casino is the perfect distraction for her, she can sit at one machine and play all afternoon, a quarter at a time.  It's quite cute, really.  It's even funnier if she has bad luck - she never remembers that she lost her money Wink

    Michelle 

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Dear Michelle, my favorite descendant  from "a long line of short, stocky French women who live forever." ,

    Sounds like things went well with your Mom today and no doubt you are tired!  Sounds like today was a good one!  Saying a prayer for you tonight!  Rest well, my friend!

    Jennifer

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited April 2011

    Michelle holding you close and in my prayers. This must be just so devastating. Your courage is inspiring. Take care.

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Hi friends!  Got the rest of the pathology report today...triple negative with a Ki67 of 77!!!  Now that is just not supposed to be how us "older women" get breast cancer.  But then, nothing else has been the usual for me, so I guess I am not surprised.

    I'm seeing the PS on Thursday, hopefully to get rid of the drains and maybe get a little saline fill.  Everything seems to be healing quite well.  Then on to the BS and the Onco on Monday.  I'm sure the Onco will want to start chemo yesterday.

    We are scrambling to find an apartment or condo in the southern NH area, and looking for a place for my mom who has Alzheimers.  We can't leave her here alone in the Kansas City area.  Now we will have to try and sell our house in a crummy market, or risk renting it.  

    My husband works from a home office and his company is being fantastic...they don't care where we live so that is really helpful.  NH doesn't have a state sales or income tax, so that will help with the finances.  I guess it has hit me that I will probably never go back to work.  That's OK, I'll have time to dote on the grandkids once we get settled.

    All in all, it's leaving me breathless but ready to fight the battle that I must fight.

    Actually, I'm really pi$$ed off right now, and I think that's a good thing.  The plan is coming together.

    Thanks to all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and hugs. 

    Hugs to all my sisters,

    Michelle

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited April 2011

    {{{MICHELLE}}} thinking of you!

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  • Dilly
    Dilly Member Posts: 655
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, my prayers and best wishes are with you, too.

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, You are such a fighter. Good luck finding an apartment. How great your husband works for such a helpful company. My prayers are with you.

    Karen

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Hi everyone!  I went to the plastic surgeon today and got the right drain removed.  Everything is healing nicely and I have to go back next Thursday to get the left drain removed and hopefully get a little fill.

    I think I've located a suitable place for my mom, so we will be able to move her back to NH into this place and hopefully never move her again.  My kids are going to check out the place and make sure it's the perfect new home for her.  Once that's done, getting a place for DH and I will be easy.  There are lots of vacancies and we have a realtor working with one of my sons.  They are going to see a place tomorrow afternoon that looks totally promising, and it's very close to 3 of my kids and about 45 minutes from the 4th. 

    I have a dear friend who is a professor of Community Health Nursing at Northeastern and she is very well connected in the Boston medical scene.  She contacted an oncology nurse from Dana Farber, who called me this morning and we had a nice long discussion about getting treatment through DF.  They have a satellite center in NH so I can go to the main DF for designing the plan, then the satellite center will implement.  She is also involved in the DF clinical trials so she is going to look at the ongoing trials and let me know which ones I should consider. 

    I am so very fortunate to have such an extensive support system.  There are so many sisters out there who have to struggle for everything, to get information, for insurance coverage, for a shoulder to lean on, etc.  Never before have I felt so loved, cared for and protected. 

    I will survive.

    Michelle

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, I'm glad you have found a place for your mom. I remember how hard it was getting my dad set into his last home during my treatments.

    It sounds like things are moving along getting you set up for the next step in your treatment. I know it is important to move quickly , and I'm glad you feel so loved and protected.

    My prayers are with you and your family.

    Karen

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  • mollyart
    mollyart Member Posts: 22
    edited April 2011

    I am excited for you. You seem to be pulling it all together very well. It's all an adjustment and you are doing great. My sister went through all the drains, etc recently and after just a couple months, we are AMAZED how well she's doing. You, too, sound like a "cup half full" kinda person. There's a great treatment just waiting for you! Hope you have a relaxing (is that possible?) weekend.

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  • Suze35
    Suze35 Member Posts: 1,045
    edited April 2011

    Thinking of you Michelle! I'm glad everything seems to be coming together for you and your family. I've heard good things about the DF site in Londonderry. You have the right spirit - fight, and fight some more!

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Michelle,

    Yay for ditching 1 drain and hoping the other follows suit next week!

    So happy to hear that all of the pieces of a very complex puzzle are coming together!  Finding a place where your Mom will be comfortable is HUGE!  Now time to find yourself a place and get started down the treatment path!

    Dana Farber is an EXCELLENT choice and the fact that you have someone helping to "navigate the waters" so to speak, is just HUGE! 

    Please allow yourself to be loved, cared for and protected!  I strongly suspect, just based on what I have heard from you here, your family is going to come through for you in spades!!!  I sometimes have trouble accepting help but, I try now to look at it, especially when help comes from family, as collecting interest on a lifetime of investment!

    Just a hunch, girlfriend... I think you will not only survive, you're going to THRIVE!!!

    Hugs Tonight!

    Jennifer

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Hi everyone,

    Well, the plan continues to "gel".  I think we've found a little bungalow in Salem, NH that is on the waterfront of a small lake.  It's a little more expensive than we wanted to spend, but this place will seem like a vacation spot.  The house has 1200 sq. ft. (a little small but then DH wants to live full time in an RV eventually) and is completely updated - stainless appliances, granite, etc.  And it has 900 sq.ft. of waterfront decking and a boat dock...not that we have a boat but who knows???  It will be a perfect spot for outdoor family gatherings and for relaxing.  And it's 20 minutes from the Dana Farber facility in Londonderry, NH, 30 minutes from my mom's likely new place,  and less than 45 minutes from all my kids.  They are all excited about the idea of family gatherings at the lake!  One of my sons went with a Realtor to look at the place and they both say it is absolutey perfect. 

    Last night we went to the country club where we have been members for 15 years, and offers to help were coming out of the woodwork.  It was so beautiful.  There is a property management guy, a financial guy and a guy who owns a long-haul trucking company, all offering to help us with whatever we need.  These are my hubby's golf buddies (who I don't really know) and I don't think it had even occurred to him that he had a wealth of resources at his fingertips. 

    A Realtor who's the daughter of a club member is coming by late Tuesday afternoon and we will probably let her market the house for sale.  In the meantime, the property management guy will take a look with the idea of renting/leasing for a year.  Property values are so depressed that it might be worthwhile to hold off selling for a year if we can get a really good renter.  It's a bit of a risk to rent, but a year could make a big difference in what we gain from a sale.

    And my oldest son is on his way out to help us.  He and I will start packing stuff, going through things and paring down what can be donated, what needs to go with us, etc.  Need to get some boxes!  When we moved my mom last year, we got boxes from Borders bookstore.  They were perfect - extremely sturdy and not too big.  I will also search Craigslist, there are always boxes for sale or giveaway on there.

    Jennifer - I hear you about accepting help.  We've always been the helpers, the providers, etc.  It has been hard for our brains to go there...but last night was a huge eye-opener and I think we'll be able to let our family and friends take care of some things for us. 

    My, my... it could get crazier but it would be hard...LOL

    Michelle

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Michelle,

    It does, indeed sound like the plan is coming together, in record time, I might add!!  I just know once you get all of the decisions and details behind you, you will feel so much better!!

    The place in NH sounds wonderful... Centrally located to family and treatment facilities and, being right on the water, will be a comforting place to heal!

    It is SUCH a testament to who you are and, I am sure truly humbling, that Sooooo many people are coming forward to help you! 

    I have found that it isn't just us that feel a bit overwhelmed and powerless when dealing with this all.  The people who care about us feel the same way!  Letting them help is not a burden on those people, it is allowing them to regain a little bit of control in this whole crazy thing!  By letting people help, they feel less helpless and it does restore a little bit of normalcy! If you look at it that way, it doesn't seem like an imposition!!

    Yes, it could get crazier but I''m not sure by much!!! Once you get to NH, get settled in and start your treatment, things will fall into a rhythm and won't feel so crazy!!

    You have accomplished an incredible amount in such a short time... You have my admiration!!

    Rest well tonight!

    Jennifer

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Jennifer - that's very sweet of you.  We are still waiting to hear about the NH lake house, it is on the market for sale and if they got an offer this weekend, we'll have to find another place.   We have found a place for my mom and now I need to complete the paperwork to get that process started so we can move her in the middle of May. 

    We had the realtor and property management guy come today and provide some advice/guidance.  We are torn between selling the house just to get rid of it and losing all the tax advantages of the mortgage payment, or renting/leasing for a year which will retain the tax advantages and allows more time for the housing market to recover.  It's a bit of a gamble, but there's a huge financial benefit to holding on to the property for a couple of years. 

    Your point about letting people help is right on.   I'm trying to tell this to DH, let your friends help...they want to do something and you need to let them.  He'll come around.

    One way or the other, I will be in NH in mid-May and will have had my first appointment with Dana Farber. 

    Tonight I am watching The Voice and trying to relax.  One of the contestants (Javier) was my daughter's date for her senior prom when we lived in Connecticut!

     Still healing from the BMX and getting a little swollen as the day wears on, so I am just relaxing!

    Michelle

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Good news - we got the lake house, and will move in on 6/15.  In the meantime, I'll spend time with my kids (they can pass me around...lol) and DH will come back and pack up the house.  I have an appointment with my new onco at Dana Farber on 5/18 and with a new PS at Brigham & Women's on 5/17 and will spend a couple nights with my good friend who helped get me into DF.  She is familiar with the campus and will accompany me to my appts so DH won't worry about me.

    Today my son and I went to my mom's and packed up a lot of her non-essential stuff.  She is very nervous about the move and having to make new friends, but I think she'll do fine.  She has been in her current place just one year and seems to be friends with everyone, so I think it's just an idea that has gotten "stuck" in her mind. 

    Seems ridiculous that we'll be totally moved in about 7 weeks!

    Michelle

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, moving is so traumatic. I hate it but at least your DH will be doing the bulk of it. It is a good thing you are going back to be close to family. Prayers for you, gal.

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Thanks, Barbara.  Yes it will be insane...but honestly I've been ready to leave the KC area for a long time.  When we moved here 17 years ago, we thought it would be a 5 year gig, so needless to say I'm ready to go.  Now, we thought we'd be rolling out of town in a full-time RV situation.  But that's OK, at least we're going and I am trying to control my giddiness over this part.  DH will have to work longer than we had ever hoped in order to maintain health insurance, but there will be lots of life left after we hit 65 so we'll look forward to that!  We'll do that RV thing one way or another.  We can always buy a tent and cots, and camp in all kinds of places in New England...LOL.

    Michelle

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011
    Michell, It sounds like you are doing so well. Love you idea of camping after hitting 65. That's just what we plan to do. We may have to do the tent thing as well. Undecided
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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited May 2011

    Well ladies, Happy Mother's Day!  My gift is that today we are heading home to NH.  We have found a place for mom and her stuff is in a small uHaul trailer that we'll be towing 1400 miles to Beford, NH.  DH and I will stay at my daughter's in Acton, MA before DH heads back to pack up the rest of the house and move us to a place we have leased in Salem, NH.  We've been here 17 years and I am ready to leave, especially under the circumstances.  Everything has fallen into place as well as we could possibly have expected and Mom will be in her new place next weekend.  I have my Dana Farber and Brigham and Women's appointments in mid-May, and then the treatment can begin.  The sooner we get started, the sooner it will be over.  It's going to be 8 months of ugliness, but I'll be surrounded by my family and some very dear friend who I have missed. 

    I can't believe we pulled it off so quickly.  My DH does have a big task of packing up the rest of our house, and I hope he accepts the multiple offers of help that we have received.  It's too big for one person, actually too big for two people. 

    We'll be on the road in an hour, and I am happy to get started.

     Hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day!

    Michelle

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited May 2011

    Happy Mother's Day, Michelle. Here is a mimosa toast to your new journey!

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited May 2011

    Michelle have a Happy Mother's Day. I'm so glad things are falling into place so well for you.

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited May 2011

    Ooohhh, a mimosa, wish I had thought of that this morning!!!  I so would have enjoyed a bit of bubbly!

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  • TifJ
    TifJ Member Posts: 1,568
    edited May 2011

    My best wishes to you for a safe and pleasant trip! Missouri will miss you! I hope you get the care you deserve in MA.

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  • Suze35
    Suze35 Member Posts: 1,045
    edited May 2011

    I'm so glad things have fallen into place for you. I had a consult at Dana Farber last week, great people! You'll get great care there. Best wishes to you.

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited May 2011

    Michelle,

    Good luck and God-speed, my friend!!! Hope your travel goes smoothly!! 

    Knowing, as we all do, how hard the days are before you have a plan, I pray that your appointments this week and getting a plan together, bring you comfort! Hoping also that your Mom's transition is an easy one for her!

    Thinking of you tonight!!

    Jennifer

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