mets to lungs, im 29 jst had a baby, just scared

Hi my name is Lindy, i am 29. I was first diagnosed with stage 2B breast cancer 5 years ago. I underent the normal chemo treatment, bilateral mastectomies, implants, radiation and finally felt that part of my life was over. I scanned every 6 months and always clean scans. My last was Oct 2008. I started anaesthesia school and got pregnant with my third, first since breast cancer. I was considered Cured. Then 7 months into my pregnancy I discovered a rather large lump on my chest that continued to grow. I was certain it was cancer but kept quite to all because my sons health was all that mattered. I delivered a healthy baby boy jan 6, 2011. Week later had ct scan that showed mets to my lungs, chest wall, 3rd rib and lots of lymph nodes. Iv had every test known to man and everything else is well. I did 6 doses of abraxain and gemzar with zometa. had another set of scans and it shrunk 40%. so i have continued to sta on this regamind while Im trying to get approved for mass dose chemo with stem cell transplant. I know this research is unclear but some women did get cureed just the not majority. But lets face it a 1% cure rate is worth trying for. If i dont do this I will be on chemo forever because I am tripple negative. I have looked at all of the research and lets face it it sucks for us stage 4 woman, but I refuse to die. I am going to somehow find the cure. But its hard. Its hard to deal with the emotions of all this. I have a 7, 5, and 4 month old. they are my life and deserve a mother. Im not scared to die I am scared for them, I dont want this for them. I was just wanting to know what others are on, what their response has been. Also how to deal with the though I may die soon. I am completley healthy looking and feeling besides the chemo. I also was five years out and it came back, so fair.