I missed my breasts the othe night

mycinnamon,

I had a bilat, no recon in 2006, and sometimes I miss my breasts, but the first 6 months were the worst for all the crying, and the first 2 years were harder than the next 3.  Lots of us are going/have gone through it.  You are not alone, and I'm glad we all have "here" to share this stuff with those who get it.

Dawn 

mycinnamon- I totally feel you.  I had a BMX last May and had TE's placed and should have had breasts by now.  I got an infection and had to have the TE removed.  A year later and I just had my TE put back in.  I didn't realize I would have absolutely no sensation.  My breasts were a big part of my sex life as well.  And, to top things off my husband is a total boob man.  I know that might be TMI, but he is and while he tells me it is okay, I know it is not.  He has said once to me that he misses my breasts, and until I heard him say it, I was okay.  BUT....once those words came out of his mouth, I cried for days.  I know it has to be hard on our spouses, but I am only 35, and want to feel like a woman again.  Again, this may be TMI, but I used to get on top and now, I refuse.  I feel like there is nothing there to occupy him, and I am really uncomfortable.  I even had a dream the other night that I had no breasts, but I still had nipples, and I was so happy that I had them.  How silly is that.  Sorry for rambling, but you have every right to feel how you do and it is common.....or at least for me it seems like it.  If you need to talk, you can PM me anytime.  Take Care.

You are definitely not alone!  I had a bmx with no reconstruction in mid-February of this year, and I've just recently entered into a phase (I hope it's a phase!) of really missing my breasts.  It comes and goes, but when it's there it's a definite sadness and just missing how they felt.  I'm most aware of it when I get into bed at night, and roll over on my side.  I miss feeling their softness and fullness (as small as they were!).  And like you, I miss them during sex and feel very self-conscious then about their being gone, but that's gradually getting better.

It's interesting how and when these waves of feeling come (and go).  I felt incredible grief and sadness leading up my surgery, almost overwhelming at times.  Then I was very focused on the physical challenge of healing up and accepting my new body.  With that more settled now, it's like my heart is able to speak up again about what is gone, what has been lost.  Thankfully it's usually a gentle kind of sadness, like grief for someone who died a long time ago but whom you still miss, but it's still sad. I'm hopeful that if I let those feelings flow, they will leave gifts of wisdom in their wake.  Grief so often does that.

In the meantime, know that you have sisters out here going through this with you, and lean into that support.  We're here for you.

Dear Susan, thanks for your kind response. I feel very alone sometimes thinking that no one can understand what the loss of a breast feels like. I am comforted that there is a safe place here to share these feelings.



One thing i do know, though, susan, is that it is not too late for you to do reconstruction. I didnt have a TE put in yet either; you can start the process now. In fact in some ways its better as the skin is largely healed. Many women dont do immediate recon. My husband is a plastic surgeon and he supported my choice to wait. I am at the beginning of my recon journey. Hop along and we can research together.



I hear you re the intimacy issue. My husband is cool but i am self conscious. The problem is more mine than his. My feelings are so confusing. I feel sad yet relieved, but havent been able to acheive self acceptance, physically. I wish i could.



Thanks again, shari