My Mum has breast cancer and I'm not there

dramaqueen, I'm sorry about your Mum's diagnosis.  I'm sure it's especially difficult being halfway 'round the world from her.  But, as you probably know, Stage 1 is about the best possible scenario, and hopefully she will be just fine after some treatment.  Just knowing that you want to be there probably means the world to her.   (((Hugs)))   Deanna 

I think if you are close to your mum, she knows you love her and you'll be with her even if you're not physically there. Having said that, I was in my final weeks of chemo when my mother was diagnosed with stage II BC (same as me). I flew up for a few days (1500km away) but had to leave her to come back for my final chemo which knocked me around a bit.

Whilst I'd like to say it's all ok, I have to be honest and say there's nothing so crap as a breast cancer diagnosis and the whirlwind that follows - if you can fly home and put things on hold for a while, you might find that it suits both your and your mothers emotional needs better.

If it really is not possible, when you're home, get her hooked up and up to speed with skype, so you can chat often. Mum and I were on the phone sometimes twice a day for months.

best wishes to you both.

Hi, I totally understand what you are going through. My mom was also diagnosed with stage I, she is in Argentina and I'm in the States. I was able to go down for her surgery (lumpectomy). I surprised her and I'm very glad I did, even though she kept saying I didn't need to go, that my family needed me more. I spent 2 weeks with her after her surgery and came back home. I was able to travel back to Argentina to be with her when she started her radiation treatment (25 sessions). I know I'm blessed in that I was able to do that for her and my husband *held the fort* while I was gone.

I wasn't sure before going that my being there would help in any way and now I know it  was totally worth it. She felt loved, appreciated and comforted some too. She is 63 and lives all by herself, I only have a brother down there that has a demanding job, a wife and 2 small children, my sister and I both live here in the States and while my mom has siblings it seems she doesn't feel comfortable, comforted by them at this time.

I hope and pray you can find a way of spending time with her. In any case: phone calls and emails can help ease the nerves, anxiety you may both be feeling. Skype is our new best friend: economical and easy to use, I actually use skype to phone her home so she doesn't even need  to know how to use it.  She also enjoys cards on the mail. I'm glad I didn't listen to her when she said it was something simple and not worth the trouble of a trip down there. I could tell by her voice on the phone  that she was shaken, scared and overwhelmed. Maybe even a bit angry and in denial. 

In any case your mom knows you love her and you are concerned and that you are doing the best you can given your circumstances.

Chin up, 

Dolores

I guess this post is six months old now.  But I wanted to say to DRAMA that you can do several things to keep close to your mom.  One is to use the telephone to call her, perhaps at the same time each week.  Obviously email, if she enjoys that, works well too.  Sending her flowers or a little pretty gift now and then will cheer her.