Give Me A Break Already!!!

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Leslie1962
Leslie1962 Member Posts: 233
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Okay - feeling overwhelmed by a family who expects me to handle absolutely anything.

Tax time - my problem. Gotta get all the paperwork collected and turned into the tax preparer. Student financial aid - did I get any help - NO, "you know where all the paperwork is so its just easier for you to do."

Student loan - my problem. So I go online for my soon-to-be college freshman and wander through all the documents to meet the filing deadline.

Taxi Driver - Can't afford to get either of our kids on car insurance due to the expense, so since I work in town I have to put in my day at work, come home, take the kids to work, the bank, the store - whatever. I feel sorry for them because they want to be independent but cannot.

Eagle scout paperwork - done, submitted, approved.

Job search for my husband who is in a dismal job right now - home improvement industry. It has tanked here in Michigan and showing no signs of letting up any time in the next few years according to sources he talks to. It is making our finances less than workable. So it is my job to go and search for new jobs for him. College Degree in Business and minor in Marketing. All he has been since college is either a store manager at home improvement stores or an outside rep peddling product. He can basically do nothing other than sales so there isn't much he qualifies for. I set up job searches at Career Builder, Monster and a few others and we get sent emails on jobs from them every day. Don't see him making any time to really sit and search - again, my job.

Go to the bank, get groceries, take care of the house, pay all the bills and on and on.

He does help, like an army sargent, on the weekends and barks orders to the kids to clean the house, do the laundry. Things a 16 and 17 year old should be doing.

I have a mother who is starting to show signs of aging and needing more help than she did before. She and my sister do not get along. I hear stories from both sides, each complaining about the other and am getting tired of it.

My sister has been without a job for over two years now. Sits in her house after having taken a buy-out from Ford Motor Company and went to school on their dime to be retrained. She picks an awful area of study and cannot find a job. She is a depressed mess. Overweight, constant whiner, everyone hates her - according to her, she is too fat to be hired, too fat to look for work, her friends from high school don't call her - pardon me, that was 25 years ago and they have moved on, gotten married, had kids and my sister hasn't done any of those things - and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, she is my sister and I love her but she has many issues that she is ignoring.

Throughout all my treatment, two surgeries, chemo, radiation, occupational therapy for my arm because of lymphedema, I have continued to work and keep up with everything. I am feeling less than appreciated right now and just wanted to vent.

So now I will go to the bank and get myself to work so that I can leave work and pick my daughter up at the high school for a doctors appointment, take her back to school, get me back to work and then think about all the things I need to do this weekend.

Ahhh - life. I know I am not alone in all this but sometimes it does become overwhelming.

Some days I just have to say, "afterall - tomorrow is another day!" My favorite quote from Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With The Wind. Have a good day everyone.

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Comments

  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited April 2011

    (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

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  • YATCOMW
    YATCOMW Member Posts: 664
    edited April 2011

    Well....let me just say you are awesome....

    Jacqueline

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  • americanpinay
    americanpinay Member Posts: 338
    edited April 2011

    (((Leslie)))

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited April 2011

    I am so sorry your so stressed....You can do it though..you have too... It will be ok:)

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  • gillyone
    gillyone Member Posts: 1,727
    edited April 2011

    (((((Leslie)))))

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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited April 2011

    Leslie,

    i will never complain again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I thought my plate was full!

    YOUR AWSOME!

    Your time will come.

    God bless you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Stephanie

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited April 2011

    Yikes Leslie,

    You DO have a full plate and then some!  I can relate to a lot of what you said as well.  Have you spoken to your husband or the kids about how you are feeling in a non confrontational way?  If  you wait too much longer you may blow a gasket and go off on them---not that they don't deserve it, but a family sit down may be in order.  

    Also, how bout taking a whole day, just one, a week to do whatever YOU want to do?  If it's just sleeping in and then watching soap operas all day, as long as it's something YOU want to do.  INSIST on it, and don't take no for an answer from the family.  Tell them Mom's off duty today and unless there is blood or imminent death involved it will have to wait until tomorrow.

    Take care,
    Sharon

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  • 3monstmama
    3monstmama Member Posts: 1,447
    edited April 2011

    ((hugs))  are you someplace where your kids can learn to take public transportation?  It may take them a while to get places but it would give you a bit of a break. . . .

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  • littletower
    littletower Member Posts: 333
    edited April 2011

    Agreeing with everyone who said, "You are awesome!" hope you can make some time for yourself to just sit, read a good book and have someone like, oh I don't know, George Clooney maybe, massage your feet, feed you grapes (peeled of course), and otherwise bow to your every need:)

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  • dena44
    dena44 Member Posts: 23
    edited April 2011

    You know I had many of the same issues as you, but now is the time to be a bit selfish. We as women are programed from birth to be everyones everything. You need some "me" time. It will be difficult at first because you have to ask yourself "who am I"? besides a wife, mother, sister, aunt.....but somewhere inside all of us is that young person that used to live for the pure joy of living. We knew what we liked and what we didnt like. I think we all need to get back to that person. The kids will learn to do things on their own, and your house wont fall down if you leave the chores for a few days.Like I said this will not be easy to do, but sometimes we just have to tell others "no"

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  • DCMom
    DCMom Member Posts: 624
    edited April 2011

    Oh I am so feeling your pain.  It sounds like you have a plate that is overflowing and I'm glad you vented here.  Sometimes it is good to just get it out.  Hopefully we can be your backboard to confirm how you are feeling.

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  • thegoodfight
    thegoodfight Member Posts: 560
    edited April 2011

    Leslie1962,

    This is the third time I have started a post to you and then decided maybe it isn't any of my business, but my inner voice keeps telling me I have to give you my perspective.  Please read on knowing that I am a bc survivor and have been through a similar experience (see my signature line below.  I think I should also mention that I have an advanced degree in counseling, just so you know I am not shooting from the hip.

    I am glad you vented, we as humans need that outlet and this really is the place to do it.  We hear you and we support you and we don't judge you.  This site is not just about bc, it is about living our lives and we came together because of bc.  But we are women, and we face a lot in our life's journey and our role within our families.

    At first I certainly felt the same empathy that so many have expressed.  Then I thought how can I help.  I can help by making you aware that you have choices.  You may know this or not, and you may decide that the choices you have been making are right for you.  It IS your choice, but it is your choices that have brought you to this stress level.  YOU can change that.  You really can only change yourself, but then somehow those around you change in response, sort of the laws of physics.

    I don't want to be harsh, but you do everything for everyone around you.  I know you think you are doing the right thing and you are helping them, when in some cases it is the opposite.  Please bear with me.  Children at 16 and 17 are quite capable of filling out loan applications and Eagle Scout paperwork.  If they have questions, they can ask, but it is their job and it is one of the experiences that gets them ready to be out there on their own.  I understand the economic reasons why they can't be added to your insurance, but as someone mentioned earlier maybe they could take public transportation, at least some of the time.  Yes, more inconvenient for them, but LESS inconvenient for YOU.

    If your husband wants or needs a new job he is quite capable of doing the searches, especially after you have set it up with job sites that send listings to email.  Unless he is not computer savvy, and you could teach him , then really there is no excuse.

    Each person in the family is part of the whole and has their role and responsibilities.  Sometimes when one is broadsided (as you were with the bc) others have to do more than their share for awhile to make it work.  Why are you the only one doing the job?

    You need to take care of and appreciate and respect YOU!  Whatever you stop doing, will get done if it needs to be and if it doesn't than everyone might learn what happens when you don't pull your weight.  Might be a tough lesson, but in the end everyone will be stronger.

    You are important.  You can't do all this alone, ask for the help.  Sit the family down and let them know what you really have gone through and what you are now going through and tell them it has to stop.

    I know this might sound so harsh, but I am hoping you find the strength to help yourself and change your much too stressful life.  I also hope you see where this is coming from and that I did not offend you in any way.  Please PM me if you want to talk more.

    Wishing you peace and strength....................Caren

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  • amoccia53160
    amoccia53160 Member Posts: 57
    edited April 2011

    {{{{{Leslie}}}}}  I agree with Caren's post but want to add one thing.  It appears you like to be in control of everything.  I am like this myself.  It can wear you down quickly.  Think about why you can't let some things go and take care of yourself.  This is a conrtol issue for sure.  You DO NOT need to be looking for a job for your husband.  With all due respect I believe you have marital issues going on.  You can't be a mother and wife to a grown man.  You have bc and need help.  The family needs to take responsibility for themselves or face the consequences. Think like Rhett......frankly FAMILY, I don't give a damn! 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Leslie, just reading all that you have on your plate gives me palpitationsUndecided You are my hero.

    image

    Barb

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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited April 2011

    Wow!  That is a lot.  Please know it is fine to vent here.  That is one of the things I love about this website.  I lived in MI for a little while and know how the job market is there.  I m sure your husband is depressed from the underemployment he has been in and also discouraged to keep looking.  That being said, you really do need to put yourself first at this point in your life with the bc above the rest of the issues the rest of your family is going thru.  I like the suggestion of one day absolutely for you.  I hope you'll think about it.  Good luck with everything.  I am saying some prayers for you.

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