How much more can I take?

Sadly the hallmark of many mental illnesses is the 'me' syndrome.  They just can't seem to make it past it not being about them all of the time.  There are no easy answers.  You could try going to a cancer counsellor and ambushing him there, but that could create a whole new set of issues.  Undoubtedly you're really mommyx4 - being a caretaker to someone with a mental illness is like having another child.  Dealing and supporting are hard, hard work.  You have to create a stable environment to keep symptoms to a minimum and work your way through upsets.  Now you're faced with a stage iv diagnosis and you have to change your focus to your own fight, and deal with the fallout from these changes at the worst time in your own life.  My heart goes out to you mommyx3.  I hope you are able to get some help, some tools that will assist you in dealing with his changes as a result of your diagnosis.  Also some help in establishing healthy boundaries with him.  I know you need support, understanding and love.  Don't be afraid to ask for it.  Start with your family and friends.  Get help with the physical needs of daily living.  Seek counselling to help you help him deal with this.  Come here for support and understanding.  It helps take away the alone-ness. Although you may have to deal with the mechanics of this solo, there are people here who truly do understand.

mommyx3 - so sorry you are having to take someone else on....I can relate to the spouse depression. Mine is on meds and has been for years. Sometimes it is just about him and when I call his hand on it instead of dealing with it he walks away. He never believes in addressing something head on unless I force him. He thinks he cant change something so he just doesnt deal with it. To me that is cowardly; to him it is a wasted effort to try. Throughout my ordeal I have to say he has been very supportive. Frankly I had decided he better be. I was there for him when he went through a life threatening time years ago - self inflicted. I told him the other day now it is my turn. I have always been stronger than him but it is time for him to be the cheerleader. So, what I can say to you is take care of yourself and your children. Do rely on friends and family to help. My family has been great for the most part. I am the second breast cancer victim in the family in the past few years. If you cant rely on your family who can you count on? Dont feel guilty about your husband; it is his problem. I know that is hard to do but I finally decided that one day and I feel better. We all have enough on our plate as it is. You sure do. I have children too but my youngest is 21 and the only one living at home and he has been an angel. Post here when you want to talk to us or are feeling low. There is no other place where people are more understanding than right here. Praying for you., Diane