I thank god that I have all of you wonderful ladies to share and chat with.

As usual Barb you state my thoughts better than I could.

Here's a BIG OLE ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) for all of you!  Happy Tuesday

what a great conversation this morning, ladies, and thank you for your love and support.

   i absolutely believe we're all called to be different parts of  "the body" and i dunno what part I am now. i used to be a "moth" doing lots of evangelism, etc. active in my big church..

   got divorced ( it was adultery and Abuse) but THAT didn't matter to those in that church! and iwas shunned.

   that shunning taught me a lot about different people, and how i wanted to be non judgmental; and open minded for the rest of my life. i found great strength in knowing it was not the Lord, but people who were called by His name, that were doing it. it also taught me that at anytime, i can be just as wrong in my thinking, as they were in theirs.mine isn't the only story i have heard that way here.

   its' amde me a better Christian, to my thinking, but def. a different type of Christian, for sure. some decisions ive made, i question now, but they're made, others, im happy with..

     this whole BC thing makes you evaluate/ reevaluate/reevaluate your life, doesn't it?

   i find im in "tune
 with Barbe, on most things.. is this a good or bad thing, Barbe??   hahaha

   i just am so sorry that even people who take Christs' name can be so hurtful to others... i agree with Lynneeia, that in the end, we must follow what we feel is right, between us and HE.. or is it HE and us?? either way. He's the one we must answer to in the end...        3jays

Wow, great thread today.  Juanita, I am married to a minister, homeschooled my boys, have had to put two of them in alcohol/drug rehab, one is not married living with his fiance and just had my first grandbaby and my oldest son has turned from God.  My belief system is that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God, and will continue to sin while on this earth, but it does not separate us from the love of God.  I've learned to NEVER judge anyone else.  I am not on the throne, thank God.  We all have our walk with God and He is big enough to deal with all this.  I believe the word that my oldest will return to God.  The son with the baby takes his new family to church every Sunday--a church that teaches the word.  Meece said it so well that BC made me really re-look at my life.  Having kids in rehab does the same thing.  It is humbling, but it makes one more real.  To hell with all those others who judge any of you.  You are wonderful ladies and it has been a pleasure to know you. 

Wow!  We've been travelling and I had a lot of catching up to do this evening!!!  Don't you all just love the springy weather and the birds building their nests????  I love to watch nature!  It teaches me about the love, grace, mercy, caring, and long suffering of our Lord!!

Meece - So happy, I think, for your good, well kinda good, news!!!!!  Will continue to pray. 

Glad to hear that so many of you are doing well.  Barbe - you do have a lot on your plate and will continue to pray for your upcoming tests.

We were out east in CT, ME, and MA this trip.  A lady at a church in CT came to me after the service one night.  She has HER2 with the same scores that I had, but found hers back in 2007.  I asked her if it recurred and when she told me yes, I burst into tears.  I am not usually like that, but she is the first person I have ever spoken to with my kind of cancer and I think it kind of scared me.  She is going through an awful lot, but with such a joyful spirit.

Since my last treatment, I have been having pain in the front of my shoulder around my port.  Now my arm tingles when it is down below my heart so I have to keep it propped up to sleep.  I also have to sleep propped up on pillows as laying flat causes pain and actually wakes me up.  Has anyone had an experience with this before?  My port is unusual as it does NOT get a blood return.  It is japanese and has a valve in it to stop the back flow of blood into the catheter.  However, after my last treatment the nurse had trouble stopping the bleeding after she pulled the needle out.  Do you ladies think I should see the doctor tomorrow or wait one more day for my chemo appointment on Thursday?

Well, I've put down enough!!!  Sorry so long winded!!  Pray you all sleep well.

The bible has been rewritten and simplified over the years. Many interpretations of the very same bible exist. After all, how can we have "honour killings" in one sect and yet our interpretation doesn't allow homosexuality?? Come on!! Also, 2 people reading the same lines will get a different result. It's like killing in the name of religion! Those doing it think it's right. For those of us in Western society, we know that ANY killing is wrong.

Remember the game "telephone"?

Nuff said! I just get angry over that topic!

I re4ad an article yesterday in an old Ophra magazine at the gym it was written by a stage 4 cancer patient who has survived 17 yrs since DX. Originally she was told she only had 2 yrs tops.My opinion is that the lord knew she had  much more to do yet. She is a writer.The treatments were rough but after she was able to maintain a quality of life worth living.I will do some research and find out what books she has written.

Barbe I am in your pocket today((hugs)))

Hello women of faith:  My name is Jean.  I've been away from the boards for months, but felt ready to pop back on and jump in.  The scripture I've been pondering on this week is Romans 12:12 - "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Lots of reading to do to catch up on all that has happened on the boards.  I love the spring and look forward to working in my gardens.  God bless you all this day.  Jean 

Oh Barbe-how very frustrating.



My chemo nurse next door looked at my port. She is pretty sure it has become dislodged as it moves a lot. She thinks I might have a clot also, so she said to go in the am at my appt time.

barbe1958, 

I'm sorry about this latest stress with your tests.  That just seems inconsiderate to me to have waited until today to let you know!  Praying for you to have great results from the US and that it is nothing.

3 more radiation tx's.  Woo Hoo.  I am peeling now from the first 25 regular tx's.  And pretty red in the areas of the boosts.  Quite uncomfortable at times and some pain and odd sensations in the breast too.  I go in a little bit and am driving but my sister will ride along.  My car has a sunroof and the temps outside today are 73 so will maybe have to pop that sunroof.

I'm trying to process all of this and being Triple Negative trying to help myself wrap my head around that yes, the treatment is ending and yes, there is no meds I can take for 5 years like hormone positive BC's, but I have done the full protocol and done everything I possibly could and now it is up to God.  I have to learn to trust in Him and His goodness and mercy.  Most days I can do that but as we all know, there are those other days.........

Along with all that, I am on the verge of ending a toxic relationship with a friend I have known for 55 years.  She is a person who is self centered and self absorbed and I just can't take the stress of constantly trying to hold her up on the pedestal she has placed herself on her whole life.  Through my BC journey, she has caused me so much stress (demanding for me to constantly call her even after I explained I was the one sick, going through a trauma and she needed to call me) even going so far as sending me cryptic emails about her being ill and when I call her she tells me "oh, I am just so tired when I get home from work."  When all she was wanting was to get attention back on herself. 

She has constantly made catty, cutting remarks about how I tell my sisters things but not her and she says, "you always said we were like sisters" (which was in her mind) and she wants to constantly scold me for not being what she thinks I should be for her.  I am going through breast cancer, I am not even 100% sure what I should be for myself let alone someone else. 

There is a long and I mean  L   O   N   G  history here of what any trained person would say was a toxic relationship.  I hate to end it but I am completely wore out now after needing her through this BC journey and her wanting the focus on herself.  If I share with her (because she demands I share with her or I'm being mean, her words) how sick I was through chemo or how much radiation fatigues me and is uncomfortable, she says, "well, I hurt from my arthritis" or she talks about her husbands arthritis. 

She has told me she prays for me and she thinks I'm strong but then we are right back to her and her life.  My Pastor told me that for now and for a good time to come it is my responsibility to put all the focus on myself and to be selfish and take care of me first, that I am to place myself first, that I am allowed.  Well, I don't entirely do that but, I do see the world a whole lot differently then B. C. before cancer!  I shouldn't even be having to contemplate this.  A lifetime friend should be the last person you think about ending a friendship with.

She has driven my husband to distraction and while we were estranged 2 times in those 55+ years, we reconciled and my husband has regretted it every since.  She would often visit my house for a weekend visit and announce to me when we'd get in a restaurant and seated that I'd have to pay for her supper, that she didn't have any money then she'd go to Wal-Mart the next day and spend 50-60 dollars!  She showed up at a potluck dinner one Sunday when my daughter was visiting home, empty handed after I had sent her and everyone else a printed invite that it was potluck.  It wasn't an issue of her not having money or food because she was going to a family reunion a few days later and regaled us with what all she was taking to it!!  It just never ends with her.  So, my husband is ready for this relationship to end.  I hope you all don't think I'm being mean by sharing this but maybe some of you have had friends like this or know people like this too.  I've loved her and tried to understand her.  My husband said I'd tried to the point of jeopardizing myself and my health.

Thanks for listening.  Gotta get ready to go to radiation.  I'm just about there sisters.    

Hugs,

Juanita

Juanita, you are hereby resolved of any guilt to end this toxic relationship!!! Not that I think I am God, but I wanted you to get a quick, clear answer and I think you'll see we all will reply the same. My DH is my BFF. Make your DH your new best friend. Tell him you'd like to go shopping!!