Trying not to freak out

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Thanks everyone...no calls this afternoon so I guess it's gonna be a long weekend and Monday will be quite the day unless, by some miracle, I get a call tomorrow.  I'm not holding my breath for that.

    Breathing,

    Michelle

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, Thinking about you. I'm sorry you didn't hear anything yesterday. Try to get out and do something this weekend to take your mind off things.

    Karen

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    I did get the call late last evening from the oncologist, and talked to my breast surgeon earlier today.  The news is not as bad as it could be, but certainly not what we were hoping to hear.  It appears I have at least 3 very active nodes, two in the axillary area and one in in the intramammary area (on the breast bone and between the two breasts).  The results of yesterday's node biopsy have not come back to the BS; but at this point it would be extraordinary for the results to be benign. 

    I talked to the BS about removing the intramammary node because it hurts and if it's cancerous, I want it gone.  She said that they don't normally go after those particular nodes, but that if she can easily find it during surgery, she will pull this one out.  There's a whole chain of nodes in that location that would require thoracic surgery and no one wants to do that.   I do want that sucker out of there as these nodes have all popped up in the last few weeks.  This cancer is not messing around and I want to treat as much of it surgically as is possible.  Chemo and rads would likely clean it up, but chemo is probably a few weeks off and I cannot count on anything new showing up or getting worse in the meantime.

    My family is dealing with this as best they can.  One daughter will arrive on Sunday, the other will come after she finishes finals at the end of the month.  Both sons are set to come as soon as we need them.  I suggested it would be better to stagger the visits because it's an expensive plane ticket or a two day drive.  My husband is trying to be strong, but I know he is devastated. 

    The long-term prognosis would be better without the involvement of the intramammary nodes, but the oncologist is optimistic that we can beat this.

    Breathing is just a little harder today,

    Michelle

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    I just hate that you are having to go through this. It just sucks. I'm so glad you have family coming in to help you through all of this.

    Karen

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Thanks, Karen.  I am lucky to have a big support group, between family, friends, and former co-workers, not to mention all my cyber-sisters here and a tightly-knit group of bloggers who are diabetic.  Now I just need to get used to asking for help...I'm usually the one doing the helping.

    Michelle

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  • LRM216
    LRM216 Member Posts: 2,115
    edited April 2011

    LuvRVing:  I am so very sorry, I too was hoping to hear all good news.  But this is not the end, far from it, and we will all be here for you every step of the journey.  Most Oncs and BS's will tell you that they don't recommend removing the intramammary glands (they are very difficult to get to), but DO NOT hesitate to see a thoracic surgeon for his opinion.  There are quite a few gals on the boards that have insisted on the removal and it was done.  Take it one step at a time for now and stay strong.  You can do this!

    Linda

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, Great big hugs are coming your way!

    Karen

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Michelle,

    Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers for tomorrow!  Hopefully your daughter arrived safely today!  I think staggering your children's visits to so that you get help and support for the greatest length of time is a good idea!  I think your children arriving and being there will also help your husband! 

    Last summer, when it was my Mom who was having problems, my siblings and I all took turns staying at their house and helping out!  Aside from my Mom being happy we were there I know my Dad was so grateful not only for the help but also for the emotional support!

    Hugs!

    Jennifer

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, I hope you are enjoying your time with your daughter. You will be in my prayers  tomorrow.

    Karen

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Karen and Jennifer - thank you so much for your support.  I am getting a little more nervous as the hours tick away until 11 tomorrow morning.  My daughter won't be arriving until around 9:00 tonight.  My son-in-law's birthday was this past Thursday and they had a big family gathering.  I'll be able to visit with her a little bit tonight.

    The weather was beautiful here yesterday and we took my mom out for dinner at a little Italian restaurant with patio dining.  It was nice because we are maintaining a "no cancer zone" when we are around her.  She is 81 and has Alzheimer's, and there is just no good way to tell her what's happening until it's over.  So we'll bring her to the house for dinner some time late next week and tell her about the BMX.  By that time, I should be on the mend enough to be sociable and she'll be able to see that I'm OK.  Fortunately she lives in a senior living facility so most of her needs are met.  But she is still quite cognizant, just can't remember what she had for breakfast.  

    I'll have my PC with me in the hospital and will try to have my daughter provide an update.  It will probably be after 6 central time.  

     Linda - thanks for the tip.  I think my BS will remove it if she can do it easily.  Otherwise, we'll figure out a "plan b".  She said she'd mark it when she comes to see me pre-surgery.  

    Still breathing...

    Michelle

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Michelle,

    As I am sure you know from the first go 'round, the time leading up to surgery and further treatment was just the HARDEST time! 

    For 'me', it seemed like once we got our plan in place and started to put one foot in front of the other (all the time ONLY looking to the "next thing"), things, while far from great, were manageable!  I hope the same is true for you!

    Take comfort in the support that you have!  We are stronger than we know, although I WISH we didn't have to be!

    I wish for peace for you tonight!  We will be there with you tomorrow in spirit!

    Breathing with you and holding your hand, my friend!

    Jennifer

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, I am so glad you were able to enjoy the beatiful weather. I totally understand the issue with your mom. I was going through my cancer adventure while being the hospice care giver for my dad. We tried to keep as much from him as we could.

    I'm glad your daughter will provide updates, I will be looking for them.

    ((((gentle hugs tonight))))). Know we care.

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  • TifJ
    TifJ Member Posts: 1,568
    edited April 2011

    Michelle- I'm sorry the news about your nodes was not what you wanted to hear. I hope things go well for you tomorrow and glad that you have such a great support system! Take care and hope to see a post from you soon!

    Tiffany

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  • Suze35
    Suze35 Member Posts: 1,045
    edited April 2011

    Michelle - I've been following your thread quietly, but wanted to offer you my support as well. I'm in a similar situation. Had my BMX April 7th, lots of disease left, so we did a PET scan and found two more nodes. Mine are level 2, but fairly far in. I'm supposed to go for surgery Tuesday to get them removed, then rads and more chemo.



    It is a sucker punch when this type of thing happens, but take heart in your otherwise clear PET scan. My MO has optimism, because she feels this cancer is so aggressive, there is a good chance we'd be seeing it in my organs by now. I know that is no guarantee, but it keeps me fighting.



    Best wishes tomorrow - you aren't alone.

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Suze, I'm sorry you are dealing with this again so soon as well. Please keep us informed on how you are doing. I see by your stats things are much more involved with you. I will keep you in my prayers as well.

    Karen

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Suze35,

    Please know that you are not alone either!  You will be in our prayers on Tuesday!

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Suze - I am so sorry, I can only imagine the disappointment you must have felt when you got THAT news.   I'll be sending positive thoughts your way on Tuesday. 

    Hugs to you,

    Michelle

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited April 2011

    (((SUZE))) and (((MICHELLE))) I have you both in my prayers. This just sucks.

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  • LuvRVing
    LuvRVing Member Posts: 4,516
    edited April 2011

    Good morning, everyone.  I'm up way too early, but that gave me a chance to eat a little breakfast within the allotted 6 hour window before surgery.  It will help stabilize my blood sugar, which is a good thing.  And I can have clear liquids including coffee up until 9, so the morning won't be so bad. 

    I am looking forward to this part being over.  Your thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement mean more than I can tell you.

    I'll ask my daughter to update this thread for me later tonight.

    Suze - hang in there, you have already been through so much.  Sending healing thoughts your way.

    Hugs to all,

    Michelle

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  • Suze35
    Suze35 Member Posts: 1,045
    edited April 2011

    Michelle - I am thinking about you today!  I'm so glad you have your family around, that is so important.

    I have my surgery tomorrow at 2:00, so at least I don't have to wait too long!!

    You all are so sweet - I appreciate the support.  I feel that at least my medical team is on top of things, and so I have an opportunity to still beat this.  It may not be as great as I'd like, but it's there!  I'll keep you posted.

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  • LittleMelons
    LittleMelons Member Posts: 273
    edited April 2011

    Michelle - Reading your posts helped me so much when I was first diagnosed and then went through surgery and treatment.  Your attitude of learning all you can about the problem and then focusing on the solution helped me to get past the diagnosis and not focus on the whys and what-ifs.  Now, again, you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation with a let's get on with it attitude. It is scary, but it sounds like you have a very good medical team and lots of support from wonderful family and friends. I am another one who is thinking of you and wishing you all the best.  You said you think you will be done by Christmas - well, there aren't that many shopping days until Christmas!

     Suze 35 - all the best with your surgery tomorrow.  One step at a time, you will make it!

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Michelle,

    Just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers throughout the day!

    I hope all went well and that you feeling no pain!  I know it's going to be a rough road for a bit but you will get through this!  When you are able, let us know how you are doing...

    Sending you a very big and gentle hug!

    Jennifer

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Michelle, Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you today. I must say I love your attitude. Eating breakfast and having coffee. You go girl. Will check the tread later.

    Karen

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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    Suze35,

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow as you have your surgery!  Trust in your medical team is really so very important!  Please let us know, when you can, how you are doing!

    You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  • LovinMyMom
    LovinMyMom Member Posts: 34
    edited April 2011

    Hi ladies. I am Michelle's daughter. I just wanted to let you know that she is out of surgery and in recovery. We spoke to both her breast surgeon and her plastic surgeon, and they said she did great. The breast surgeon did have to take out all of her nodes, because they were too suspicious looking. She also had to take quite a bit of muscle to get around the tumor/seroma site. They were, unfortunately, unable to get at the intra-mammary node; it was too deep and would have required thoracic surgery. This isn't all bad, as watching that node will allow the oncologist to see if the chemotherapy is working, and make changes if necessary.



    Thanks to all of you for your support, thoughts and prayers. I know they mean so much to her, and I know that in turn she is routing for all of you....as am I!

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  • TifJ
    TifJ Member Posts: 1,568
    edited April 2011
    LovinMyMom- Thank you for posting! So glad your Mom did well. Please tell we hope she is up and around soon! Prayers coming her way!!
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  • SeasideMemories
    SeasideMemories Member Posts: 3,194
    edited April 2011

    LovinMyMom (that name just truly says it all!,

    Thank you so much for the update on your Mom!  Sorry that the surgery was more extensive than expected but, you are right, it's not all bad!  Keeping that intra-mammary node, although I wish it wasn't there,  can act as an indicator as to whether or not the chemo is working!

    I "met" your Mom on, of all things, the What's For Dinner thread here on BCO!  She is such a caring person and I just got a sense from her that she is so very proud of her family! 

    Please don't forget about your Dad as i am sure he is hurting too!  I know this is difficult but may you all gather strength from each other to get through this time!  Please give your Mom a hug from me!

    Jennifer

    Edited to add a BIG hug to both you and your Dad!!

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  • Suze35
    Suze35 Member Posts: 1,045
    edited April 2011

    LovinMyMom - thank you you for the update! It sounds like she is in good hands, both with her doctors and her family. I hope she bounces back quick, and kicks some cancer butt!

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited April 2011
    LovinMyMom, thank you for posting about Michelle. I have been with her all the way and SOOOO hate that this cr@p is back. Hugs to you and let her know we are all here for her.
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  • china
    china Member Posts: 1,567
    edited April 2011

    Thanks so much on the update of your mom. I am happy the surgery went well and that her recovery will be quick and smooth. Give her a big hug and kiss and one for your dad too. It is so great to hear the love and support for your mom with her family  and her medical team. Hope she kicks some cancer butt! Dawn

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