Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited March 2011

    I wouldn't tell someone right away any more than I would tell a grocery clerk right away.   Personally, I wouldn't care if a guy told me on the first date, but I think men are different, from what I have seen in my life.   I think it's best for them to get to know you first.  

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  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 1,907
    edited March 2011

    Thanks guys!  I agree with you. A first date is too soon to tell---By the way, I joined POF this morning and within minutes someone IM'd me.  But, he was only 51 so I told him he was too young for me. He said ok and then said (are you guys ready for this?) "You are very beautiful?" I almost fell off my chair laughing. First of all, I'm far from beautiful - back in the day I might have been considered pretty, or attractive, or good-looking, but never beautiful. Then I'm thinking: why would a guy that young be interested in someone 24 years older? Hm---he probably thinks I have money (which I don't)

    I'll be perusing the ones closer to my age (70 and up) and see what I can find--

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited March 2011

    Srbreast, if he said you were beautiful, he may very well have meant it.   My ex used to tell me I was beautiful all the time - and I know he truly meant it at that time - and I am not beautiful (average on a good day).   My point is, I think when they say that, they do mean it.

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited March 2011

    SRBreast  and others - I met a guy on Eharmony and told him that my hair was not short by choice a few hours before our first date.  SO many guys are put off by cancer and dont know what to do.  I was giving him a chance to bail out.  He did not and we dated 18 months.  The guy I'm dating now from POF was texting me on night and mentioned that his daughters cousin had bone cancer.  That was the opening for me to mention that I had BC and was doing well etc... We had only been on one date at that point, but since then we have had date #2 with a kiss and date #3 is tomorrow.  You'll know when the time is right.

    Karyn

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited March 2011

    It's different for everyone.   Like Kward said, you will know.     It is not something I would tell someone until I knew they were pretty crazy about me already.   It would take me awhile.  

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  • sunangel27
    sunangel27 Member Posts: 310
    edited April 2011

    How are you ladies doing?? Haven't seen much on here lately. Have been working alot and different hours so haven't even been on the site much. Have a great evening and hope all of you are doing ok!! :)
    Hugs

    Paula

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    Not a thing going on here. Been talking to a guy a lot I met on eharmony. I'm just so nervous to meet him in person. He's asked, I couldn't make it work with my girls schedule and volleyball. Hoping to get the courage next week. The 1st time is always so scary.

    I've been working since January, full time. First time since both of my reconstruction surgeries, most days are good, some days are tiring but I am glad to be back to work even if it's a temp job. 

    Erika :)

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited April 2011

    dragonfly - the first time is scary but you need to get out of your comfort zone.  My first date after diagnosis and divorce was with a guy that was DULL.  Good to get the nerves out. 

    Good Luck,

    Karyn

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    kward, I've gone out after diagnosis, that's not the deal, just meeting a new guy for the 1st time is scary.

    hadley, that's a little strange. Why didn't he just say hey would you like to come have sushi on Sunday with me? How lame, apparently he had "issues",.... keep searching I guess.

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  • Irishsun
    Irishsun Member Posts: 53
    edited April 2011
    I met someone on match.com 2 ,  I've had reconstruction and after everything got infected have had numerous surgerys to fix things....He said I look great!  We've been togeather two years now!!!Smile  There are great guys out there!!
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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    Sadly though finding a good/great guy is like trying to find a job in this horrible economy! I was one of 200 applicants for a job so you get my point :) HA HA! Congrats Irishsun!

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  • Irishsun
    Irishsun Member Posts: 53
    edited April 2011
    Hey I never said I didn't meet some  really STUPID, STUPID men before him though!!  I know there are more of the idiots out there than the nice ones!  Good luck to youWink
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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Hadly, I would not have responded, either.   What a tool.    

    Just got home from hospital today (BLMX/TE's).   I am sore.   Does not look good, but I know it will get better :-)    He filled 400.   I think maybe he put too much at once.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    I hope the TE's and implants work good for you, I've heard they are pretty painful. I bet you'll look amazing though :)

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Thank you, I hope you are right....I just need to be patient.   I know TE"s can be a long process.     I would advise women to definitely get DIEP or SGAP if they are able to.    It's too bad so few surgeons are qualified.   I probably could have done SGAP if it didn't involve out-of-state lodging.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    I did the DIEP, flew to New Orleans for it. I love my new girls :)

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    MD Anderson in Orlando (I am in Fla)  does DIEP and SGAP, but I just had not read as much about them (Klein & Lee?).   But i suppose if my implants fail or the pain continues for a long time, I will have to consider going.

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    Please pm me if you ever decide to lean towards DIEP or SGAP.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    I will.....docs said I couldn't do DIEP, but I know I have enough "cushion" to do SGAP.     I will give it some months and see how the implants do, but I am not going to drag this out long term.    If I encounter too many issues, I will find some way of getting to NOLA  or Charleston (I have family in Charleston, so that might be more doable).

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    NOLA is the best, no messing around.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Thanks, but I wouldn't say I did great.   It is my 4th day out of surgery and am in a lot of pain.   Honestly, had I known it would hurt this bad I would not have gone through with it (it was prophy, no recurrence).

    My foob looks really bad, too.   But maybe this is normal just post-op (for TE's), I don't know....

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Thank you, Hadley....I will see how things go over the next few months.   I can always get SGAP later if the implants fail or something (at least I think I can).   Hopefully that won't happen, but at least we all have options now, unlike in the past.  

    Alas, I can't even THINK about dating right now.   Maybe when my drains come out I will feel better.

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  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 318
    edited April 2011

    So I've had a few dates this week.  On thursday I met a "47" year old who was actually 59/60.  He thought I was cute, but I'm 40 so any 60 year old will find me cute.  Last night I met a nice guy who I was attracted to but there is no long term potential (he lives paycheck to paycheck and I've got enough saved to cover my expenses for 18 months+) Tonight is another date and I'll let you know how it goes.  Thank you to whomever suggested POF - I'm on match too but POF seems to be working better.

    Karyn

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    I hope he has other flaws besides living paycheck to paycheck. Good luck tonight :)

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Lying about their age is a huge red flag to me.    I am no angel, but I would not lie in my profile. 

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    Yeah lying is lying, if it's one thing it will lead to another....

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Hi gurls, started reading the thread, not yet finished, but definitely will !

    Hymil - your post november '10 - SO TRUE (the hands) AND SO VERY INSPIRING (am printing and adding it to my stickies) !  THANK YOU !  You certainly have a way with words

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  • sunangel27
    sunangel27 Member Posts: 310
    edited April 2011

    Hey all

    Fearless I hope you are doing better each and every day!!!!!! My heart goes out to you on them drains .........dam them things HURT!!  I had a lumpectomy and had one, and they had to take it out early. Hopefully I never ever have to go thru that again......or bc!

    Ok......now on to the dating...... well, guess I wasn't as strong as you thought.. I finally answered Adrian. Not because I was weak, but because I still love him. I know I always will. I couldn't even do the dating thing        Anyway, Adrian finally opened up to me. It has been like I said off and on for over two years with him and he was always a "closed" person with his personal life. Well the last few weeks we have talked more than we have in the two years!!  Things aren't perfect, but whose relationship is. He did finally tell me that there hasn't been anyone else. he wanted me to believe there was because he couldn't handle a real "relationship". The last one he was in was over ten years ago and he was so hurt that he just chose to use women like women use men......       until this last time that we were apart. he finally realized he cared and couldn't not care about me. Wants our relationship to go further now.   He has done things like bringing me flowers, calling me constantly, txting me, and even ANSWERING my phone calls every time I call unless he is really busy and then he has called me within ten minutes of my call.     Maybe things will work out for us. I have my hopes!!   :)         He really is a good person and I have always seen that, and have told even my friends, one day his wall is gonna come crashing down, I know.....I was like that years ago. It's coming down now......

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited April 2011

    Sunangel, I am glad things are working out and glad there was no one else - otherwise I would say forget him.    Sounds like things are going well :-)

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  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,637
    edited April 2011

    Sunangel good luck to you, just don't let your guard down completely yet. He's got a bit to prove to you, you're worth it :)

    Ok, has anyone had their ovaries out due to this nasty disease? I am 34, had my ovaries out in Sept of 2009. What would the side effects of that be, they didn't really go over it with me. I'm assuming one would be lack of desire for sex? TMI? Anyway, starting to date again that too is weighing on me.

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