Nervous Wreck

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Hugs to you, Nancy...hang in there. (Talked to Daisy - said to say hi!)

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    Hi,

    I think I'm freaking out.  I keep reading horror stories about all the pain involved with BMX and how the drugs don't help.  I need to stay off the internet.  I know a lot of you did it and turned out fine.  I just find myself in a dark place.  I'm wondering if I need a Xanax or something to calm me.  I cry all the time and have trouble talking to family and friends.  Whatever happened to Strong Nancy?  She seems to have disappeared and Scared Nancy is in charge.  Thanks again for all your support!

    Love,

    Nancy Cry

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Nancy - An occasional Xanax DOES WONDERS! Almost EVERYONE I know who has had bmx's had little or no pain. I wasn't so fortunate. But the odds are in your favor. This is a scary time for you...totally understandable. What can I say other than please hang in there and take it one day at a time. Hugs...big time! 

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  • MaureenA
    MaureenA Member Posts: 39
    edited April 2011

    Hi Nancy,  Good idea for a Xanax or valium or whatever else you can use. Although I did not have a BMX, I clearly remember one lady in my in-person support group in Virginia describing her BMX as a "picnic" compared with the chemo she did before the surgery.  Here's hoping that will be your experience too. You can get through this. Strong Nancy is still a force to be reckoned with.  Lots of hugs coming your way.

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    I have had bad nauseau since last night and bone pain.  Why now?  It's been 19 days since chemo and Neulasta.  I never had this before. I can't eat anything and the nausea meds aren't helping.  What should I do??

    Nancy

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  • mymountain
    mymountain Member Posts: 184
    edited April 2011

    Hi Nancy,

    I had a uni with immediate diep reconstruction.   I can tell you that I had little pain associated with the mast site.  It was the abdominal incision that was the most painful.  Pain meds today are excellent and it should not be a problem to have good pain control, no mattet what type of surgery you are having.

    Good luck! 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Nancy - Thinking about you and wondering how everything went today. Hugs!

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  • SAMayoFL
    SAMayoFL Member Posts: 958
    edited April 2011

    Hey Nancy, I was thinking about you tonight and it seemed like I remembered your surgery date is April 6.  Is that still set?  Strong Nancy will take back over as soon as you realize that dreading the surgery is the worst part.  Girl, look at all you have been through.  You are going to get through this as well and look back and realize that Strong Nancy was leading the way the whole time.

    I am 11 days post chemo and still having nausea, bone and muscle pain and extreme fatigue.  I think it's all part of the horrors of chemo.  To make it even worse, my hair started falling out in big clumps today.  For the second time!!  I am pretty upset about losing my hair again!

    I hope you do well.  Please let us know how you are as soon as you are able.  We will all be thinking of you and praying for your speedy recovery!

    Susan

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    Hi,

    I guess I have stomach flu...I threw up several times last  night.  I'm trying to get some fluids in me prior to surgery tomorrow.  Hopefully I won't get sick anymore.  I still feel rather nauseas.  It seems that when it rains, it pours!!  I appreciate your kind remarks and I hope the next week flies by.  I have never been so scared.  I think I have studied the Lat Flap and simple masectomy too much on the internet.  I've seen videos of the procedure and it amazes me that people ever get through it. 

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited April 2011

    Hi Nancy,  Just popping in to say hello.  I'm thinking of you.  Flu does not sound good.  Will they put you under if you're sick?  Hoping everything goes well.  Take care.  G.

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  • MaureenA
    MaureenA Member Posts: 39
    edited April 2011

    Thinking of you Nancy and hoping the flu and your surgery are behind you.  Sending gentle hungs and good thoughts your way.

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited April 2011

    Hoping no news is good news, Nancy.  Warm hugs.  G.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Nancy - How are you doing? Been thinking about you. Here's a little something to brighten your day:

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  • toomuch
    toomuch Member Posts: 901
    edited April 2011

    Nancy,

    I was thinking about you today. Hoping that your post-op course is uneventful and that your pain is being well controlled.

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Nancy, I've been thinking about you. Please let us know how you are doing whenyou feel up to it.

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    Hi,

    Surgery is over.  Feeling rough and depressed.  The left breast still had ILC in it prior to removal so chemo did not get it all.  They took as much skin as they could but can't take it all.  Lat Flap is having trouble healing on radiated skin.  Only good news is they did reconstruction so no TE's.  I have not felt so defeated since 2006.  Am I ever going to feel good again?  Am I ever going to get rid of cancer?  I love my life so much and I have not had it for 6 months.  Also, since it went to the skin, I'm considered Stage 3.  I'm sorry to be such a downer.

    Nancy

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  • wallycat
    wallycat Member Posts: 3,227
    edited April 2011

    Dear Nancy,

    you are so very kind to share your story here again and again.  I am trembling now reading your last post.  

    Are you saying with surgery, they were able to remove any remaining cancer left?

    This makes me think wildly about the meaning of an oncotypeDX score....

    Will you be on any anti-hormonals?  

    Take care of yourself; we love you.

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    I don't know about anit-hormonals yet, I see the oncologist on the 27th.  The BC surgeon recommended that I do.  I know it won't be Tamoxifen because that is what I was taking when it came back.  I was told that they think they got it all by removing the breast and as much skin as possible but there are no guarantees.  I didn't know the radiated skin would be involved but it is really black where the Lat flap and breast are sewn together.  The PS said he thinks is will be ok in a couple more weeks but who knows.  I just am so tired of all of this and expect the worse all the time now.  I can't find a positive thought and I hate feeling this way.  I feel so battered and beaten.  Has anyone been through something like this and had a happy ending?  I'm looking for a light.

    Nancy

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    Also, it wasn't in my nodes this time either. 

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited April 2011

    Nancy - Glad the surgery is over - now you can move forward. Hurray for no node involvement!!!!

    (((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))

    Sue

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Nancy, I'm glad the surgery is over for you. Just take it a day at a time. Your body has been through so much these last few months, it needs time to heal, as well as your spirit. Glad the nodes are negative.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Nancy - Hugs to you. You've been through so much. Try to remain positive...I know it's easier said than done. GREAT news...NO NODES! When you get down and disgusted...remember, NO NODES! Again, HUGS TO YOU. Hang in there.

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited April 2011

    I'm glad to hear you are done with the surgery now, Nancy, and that the surgeon thinks the healing process will go well.  Add to that "no nodes!" and you have happier days ahead. I don't know of very many ILC girls who have a complete response to chemo.  In fact, the slower growing, less aggressive ILC almost never does.  This doesn't mean that the chemo didn't help you, or that you don't have a good prognosis.  It is the absolute hardest place when you finish all the stuff they do to you and are so weak and battered.  Hold on to hope.  We are all here for you.  Hugs!  G.

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    Thanks friends...I need you all so much.  I am just ready to feel normal again.  I need to get past this new fear.  Life holds no guarantees and I'm always looking for one.  I think I'm driving my family crazy with worry.  After watching tv since 4 am I feel really bad for all those poor people who were hit with tornadoes last night.  I think they have 8 deaths from it already.  Thanks again for reaching out to me.  I feel your support and it helps tons.

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  • MaureenA
    MaureenA Member Posts: 39
    edited April 2011

    In your posts I hear Brave Nancy coming back in spite of how very weak you must be from the treatments and surgery.  You are such a lovely person, thinking of the tornado victims and concerned about worrying your family.  I hope you will feel better every day and get back to your routines soon.  I agree, that it is so very hard to push the worry away even when we know intellectually that we should.  A thought that helped me (I am paraphrasing so it doesn't sound as good)...something like worry won't change the future, but it will diminish the present. Lots of Hugs.

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  • dena44
    dena44 Member Posts: 23
    edited April 2011

    Sorry to hear that, I hope it turns out to be nothing...take care and try to stay possitive...

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  • dena44
    dena44 Member Posts: 23
    edited April 2011

    Sorry to hear that, I hope it turns out to be nothing...take care and try to stay possitive...

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    I love that saying:  "Worry won't change the future but it can diminish the present"!  I will print it out and put it on my computer so I can go there whenever it starts to get dark in my head.  You really are a big help.  I love all of you!

    Nancy

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited April 2011

    Nancy, Good to see you on today. I also love that saying. Something I relly need to do more of. We all are there for you.

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited April 2011

    Dear Sherri,

    Thank you so much for the kind message.  I think of you often and look to you for strength and advise.  I respect your opinion so much.  I  am trying to be positive and think it will be easier when I get my drain tubes out and see my chest healing. The radiated skin is very black but I'm hoping if is scab and will have pretty pink skin under it when it falls off.   My DH has been putting ointment on it every 4 hours.  He has been my rock through all of this along with you and my friends on bc.org.  I guess I feel like I always feel fine as long as I stay away from doctors and testing.  They always make me sick, ha ha.  I thought doctors were supposed to make us feel better?!  Anyway, thanks again for helping me through this rough time.

    Love,

    Nancy

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