Did anyone get attached to their surgeon?

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I found that over the process preceding the surgery, I really bonded with my surgeon. Once it was all over, there was a follow-up two weeks out and then you are told you don't see the surgeon again for 4-6 months. That seems like a long time after developing such a trusting bond. Has anyone else ever had this same experience or felt like they were being dropped out of a plane?

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  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 1,907
    edited March 2011

    My surgeon has only seen me for the 2 week follow-up and didn't mention ever seeing me again. I will just be seeing the oncologist it seems.

    I think this is common -

  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited March 2011

    I think its totally normal how you feel ... its so hard to find someone that you trust with your heart and soul (and health) and then ... they are gone!  But, not really ... they are still there, doing what they do and moving forward.  Just like we need to do.  It's great that you had that kind of connection with your doc.  But "parting is such sweet sorrow ...."

    Have you sent them a card or any kind of thank you?  Just curious ... I have never done that with a doc but I thought maybe it would help you.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited March 2011

    I know what you mean! I kind of fall in love with anyone that cuts me open. I also sued someone once and kind of fell in love with my lawyer! I think it's pretty common as you're bound in a pretty intimate way. I'm sure they are trained on how to deal with it. I also loved my GYNO as I had my babies. Couldn't give a shit now, but at the time it was almost painful!

  • memory
    memory Member Posts: 106
    edited March 2011

    My surgeon saved my life -- sort of -- and so I got very attached to him.

     What I did was write a letter to the hospital singing his praises, and sent a copy of the letter to him. For me it served as closure because, as fuzzy said, you do have to move forward.

  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited March 2011

    The last I saw my surgeon was a year ago...when he said, "OK we're going to a once a year schedule." Nuts, to that I said. If he only wants to see me once a year what's the point in that? I'll come back if I have a problem. So he's off my appointment list.

    Now my PS...that was one handsome guy...almost TOO handsome. I'd keep him on my appt list if it was appropriate, but all's done, so there's no natural reason to continue there.

    I've never developed feelings for my drs. I want to keep a professional distance so I'm not too embarassed to ask certain questions. 

  • poptart
    poptart Member Posts: 101
    edited March 2011

    I think fondly of all my doctors, but I am always anxious if I have to actually see them.  They are all very different (rad onc, onc, ps, surgeon, and I will throw the gynecologist in there too), so I have very different ways of thinking of them.  I went to a Jesuit college and got to know many Jesuit priests while there.  My surgeon really reminds me of several of the Jesuits that I know.  I have a very good opinion of all the Jesuits I know: competent, well-educated, professional.  The only thing I am afraid of with my surgeon (though visits are becoming less frequent) is that I will slip and refer to him as Fr. _______ rather than Dr. _______.  In my head I think of him as Fr. ____, even though he is not that much older than me.  I am also worried that I will slip and refer to him as Fr. when mentioning him to one of my other doctors.  I guess it makes some sense that this is the roll (priest) that I see my surgeon in (rather than my other doctors) with respect to my medical care. 

  • NJMarilyn
    NJMarilyn Member Posts: 37
    edited March 2011

    I had a mastectomy 6 weeks ago and I am seeing the breast surgeon tomorrow.  Who follows you for check-ups?  I did not to reconstruction and I still have my right breast.  Does the breast surgeon follow you every 6 months or yearly?  Is he/she the one who sends you for mammograms yearly or every 6 months?  Hadn't thought about this till now.

  • heavenschild
    heavenschild Member Posts: 212
    edited March 2011

    My doctor has an incredible bed side manner, not to mention that my scar is absolutely beautiful, if that is possible.  I trust her and would rather she directed my care than my hematology oncologist who is a man and I can tell already does give a rat's patootie about the SE's of Arimidex.  I sing her praises whenever I can, yup, I'm a fan and will miss the reassurance of the appointments.

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited March 2011

    LaBechtel, I guess I didn't develop such an emotional bond with my breast surgeon.  She was very good, and very caring, but she's not a warm, fuzzy-type person.  Also, she is really busy (more about that in a moment...).

    NJMarilyn, I'm 3 years out from my diagnosis.  Like you, I had a mast/SNB without reconstruction, and still have my right breast.  I also had chemo (4 rounds of Taxotere & Cytoxan), and will be on Arimidex for at least another 2-1/2 years (a total of 5 years).  I was/am being treated at a major university-affiliated cancer center that has a "Breast Health Center." 

    My breast surgeon is one of the directors of the Breast Health Center.  That might explain why she will be monitoring me for a total of 5 years post-surgery.  That's the policy for BC patients at this particular cancer center.  I see my surgeon once a year. Her office schedules my annual mammogram, plus any additional imaging that might be necessary (last fall I had a breast MRI).  I have a followup appointment with her shortly after the mammogram, to go over the results.  She also does a super-careful breast exam and a general checkup.

    In-between those annual visits, I have a followup appointment with my med oncologist.  She does blood work once a year or so, to check liver enzymes (which can be messed up by Arimidex).  Her office coordinates my DEXA bone density scans, and she discusses the results with me.  She also does a super-careful breast exam using a slightly different technique (pattern) than my surgeon; and she checks other relevant stuff.

    Who does what when will depend a lot on the policies of the place you're being treated.  My oncologist told me the long-term followup for someone with Stage I BC (monitoring after 5 years) ought to be done by a good internal medicine specialist -- it's not so important to be monitored by an oncologist or a surgeon after that 5-year mark.  The reason is because, as we get older, we have a lot of other medical issues to be thinking about besides breast cancer, like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, other types of cancer, etc.

    One way I've been able to get myself to look beyond my "cancer team" and not get too attached to them is to remember how important it was to be able to see them on short notice back when I was in active treatment.  I called my surgeon's office several times during the post-op period with concerns about pain or swelling or my drains mis-behaving, and she had me come in the same day I called.  My oncologist also fit me in somehow when I needed to see her, and she always took as much time as was necessary for me to feel comfortable with what was going on.  I have to stop and think about all the other BC patients who are in that really scary, active-treatment phase right now, and have a more urgent need than I do to get in to see those same docs.

    otter

  • vmudrow
    vmudrow Member Posts: 846
    edited April 2011

    I know how you feel - after going to see the PS every 2 weeks for almost 5 months - when I had my last appointment - it was kind of like saying good by to a good friend.  He does want to see my once a year however.  Time to move on!!

  • jteach
    jteach Member Posts: 199
    edited April 2011

    I know that this is totally irrational, but I have grown to hate even the thought of my breast surgeon.  I know that she probably saved my life, but after going from stage 1 to 2b,grade, 3 triple negative, having 2 lumpectomies and a mastectomy, I feel that she mutilated me, even after 2 years have passed.  

    Maybe it's how I cope.  I absolutely love my plastic surgeon, feeling like he gave me my femininity back (or something like that.)  Am I alone in this crazy loathing of my breast surgeon???   Janice 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2011

    Have to wonder whether it's the same soooo very charming breast surgeon as mine !!!! Innocent

    Did get dropped out of the plane with the radio-onco though, but then our medical system is quite different here in Canada.

    Read about "positive projection" and realized that ...hum.....my admiration was a normal process.  Hey, we all believe the worst is coming our way and  we try to hold on with dear life to anyone who shows us empathy and kindess.  Hard to stay cool.

    Keep on smiling !

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