Starting chemo Sept 05

Hi all!

Well, my active treatment is done! Yesterday, I had my final radiation treatment. My favorite therapist, Jason, came into the room after my four zaps were done and gave me a large hug. The other two therapists then followed suit. We all gave a large WHOOP, and Jason pulled confetti from his pocket and threw it over my head!

And then I was done.

I don't find it scary to be without zillions of medical appointments. I am not fearful of the future. But, I feel less euphoric than you would think. Emotions are complicated, and I seem to be having a lot of them and they don't make a lot of sense. No question that I am very happy to be in a position to put being a 'breast cancer patient' behind me, but I think I am too worn out to be truly jubilient.

Yesterday after I got home I said to Leslie [my husband], "I need to do something fun, but I don't know what fun is anymore." I guess that this is my new challenge.... finding fun. And since I have hardly worked in months, cheap fun! :-)

I did make a lovely Italian dinner last night, with homemade bread and lots of mozzarella cheese, to celebrate. Dinner included opening a nice red wine, and then enjoying it. The first wine I have had in months. My daughter is still home and she loved being part of this night.

I send my best New Year's Wishes to each and every one of you. I am looking forward to each of you joining me in the NED circle!!!!!!

Thank you for all the support you have given me over the past four months..................

All the best,

*susan*

Firstly apologies for the long posting……….

Peg – are you given a CAT scan as a matter of course? With regard to ‘therapies’ I am trying to spend time either during the day or before I go to sleep doing the visual relaxation stuff. I close the door and curtains and put my tape on. I try to be good and relax myself as they suggest – my favourite visualisation is those little men in Charlie and The Chocolate factory going round my body with a little vacuum cleaner and sucking up any cancer cells that might be remaining in my body. Another one I like is where I picture myself on the top of a mountain on a pleasant day and I am holding a bunch of helium filled, colourful balloons – I let them go one-by-one and watch them float away. I am trying hard to be a more relaxed, no-stress person. I have had one session of aromatherapy, but was advised not to have massage on my arms. I have got another Reiki session booked (not sure about this). Could do with aromatherapy today, done quite a bit of housework and I seem to ache all over now and am sooooo tired. Best wishes for trouble-free rad sessions Peg.

Susan did you enjoy the mountains of New Hampshire with your family and are you living your life again as Dr. Roger suggests? Susan I am growing (I think) and Aloe Vera plant – how exactly would I use this on burns? By the way I could have had a disastrous Christmas! I decided to light some small candles in my hearth Christmas morning – my 23-year old daughter was sitting with her back to one of them opening her presents off Father Christmas when her nightdress caught fire – luckily my husband sprang into action very quickly, again luckily she was wearing one her better quality cotton nightdresses and although it has a big hole in the back now, thankfully my daughter escaped with no burns whatsoever – my son thought it highly hilarious and a few jokes about ‘Flaming Lisa’ and ‘Lisa put a spark into Christmas’ have been floating around the family, but my stomach turns somersaults when I think what could have happened.

Marg, I was feeling like you about my boss and work colleagues, then on the same day I had 2 ex-students drop in (I had a blue bobble hat on) and a work colleague who brought me a big bunch of flowers from my ‘team’ and some mince-pies – now I feel guilty thinking the thoughts I was (No I don’t I don’t do guilty anymore).

Barb I can so relate to what you are telling us. I have had a bad month or so leading up to Christmas. I have never been the ‘depressed’ sort but hey, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Thankfully, help from a good team and my relaxation stuff seems to be sorting me out. Ditch the therapist and the ‘friend’. Cailico I also took my hair loss badly – still haven’t shown ‘the head’ to the husband – thought by now it would have happened accidentally. Michelle – this is not the reason I haven’t posted a piccie of the ‘head’ – honest.

Well holidays are almost over now. I had a very pleasant family Christmas, although I chose to see the New Year in pushing the ZZZZZZs up (sleeping). Tina I was sorry to hear you couldn’t buck up for Christmas, but you have had a lot going on – it will get better. Give your daughter a hug from me.

Janet, I was a bit ‘miffed’ as my husband's sister travelled up to see her mum for a couple of days during the holiday (lives about 1½ hours away) and never visited me or picked up the telephone (which she could do from her own home of course) to enquire about my welfare. Who was it who said “get rid of the toxic people in our lives” ? Oh I forgot, I don’t do stress anymore do I?!

Well I am off to start my 2nd cycle of CMF tomorrow (yuk) hope my Onc has sorted my borderline Her 2 + or – out, although I expect the holiday will have slowed things down – we’ll see.

I have a scan and a day visit at the hospital to look forward to (no date yet). You may remember I have been having trouble with my periods for a year or so. I discussed this with the Dr I saw 3 weeks after my op (in July) and he suggested I saw the Gynaecologist – he forgot to refer me! I waited and waited for the appointment, which of course never came – told my Onc and I had the appointment 2 days later. Saw the Gynaecologist last Thursday and it seems I have an enlarged uterus I don’t feel this is ‘connected’ and I am hoping it is just ‘going through the change’ – I am 48. The Gyny I saw was not happy that I had not been referred so I don’t think I will be waiting for an appointment too long!

Tina when I had the Hickman line in I had to go and have it flushed weekly?

Well it is 2006 now – I wish you all the very best of everything this year and hugs to you all.

Right off to visit the bald picture forum to see Peg celebrating – I still have not been able to post my ‘head’ on – I am not chickening out, honest. I will also see if I can find the travel thread.

Sandra from the UK

Sandra,

great to hear from you!

Quote:

---

my favourite visualisation is those little men in Charlie and The Chocolate factory going round my body with a little vacuum cleaner and sucking up any cancer cells that might be remaining in my body.

---

and singing, from the old Gene Wilder version (hope you know the tune?):

"Oompah Loompah fiddle dee doo

We've sucked the cancer cells from you

Oompah Loompah fiddle dee dee

2006 You'll be cancer free"



Keep smiling!



I had a big gasp as I read your post about your daughter! What a fright and a shock! Glad your husband is so quick to react. When someone we love is in danger, it is the most horrid feeling.

(Like those who love us must be feeling about us?)



Sorry to hear about your sister-in-law not visiting or calling. I have a sister-in-law living 5 minutes away who has never visited or called on the phone, and avoids me in the shops. It does hurt, but in this fight with the beast, they aren't important.



I visited the local fireworks on NYE. They were beautiful - each explosion, shattering into a million brilliant, bright pieces, covering my view, but then evaporating - disappearing - like my cancer. (another visualisation? I'll have to try it, Sandra.)



I think I may have written before:

2005 was the year we were diagnosed and began the battle. 2006 is the year we WIN!



Michelle

Sandra, You do sound bright and enthusiastic! Singing the Ooompah Loompah song is a clear sign that you are feeling brighter. :-)

My visit to the Northern New Hampshire mountains was wonderful. The three sisters being together for the first time in two years was particularly nice. It was a quiet Christmas with no friends popping in which was perfect. I returned quickly to finish my radiation.

I can not believe that daughter-on-fire story. My knees would still be quaking. Thank goodness she wasn't hurt.

Michelle, love the picture on the bald site. It is time for me to post my fuzz. It is growing so fast! Whoohooo!

Janet, you go girl! I love the idea that 2006 will be on your terms. You love your job, now add some more things to love.

Take care all,

*susan*

Michelle, Growing hair is, well, exciting! No itching or discomfort. Every morning it is noticably longer. The quality of the hair is very down-like, and rubbing it is quickly becoming a habit. As you may recall, I was nervous since my hair just wasn't showing up, so this growth was very sudden.

And now a Mommy-Brag! Kid has been recommended to be a writing mentor next year, and to be a resident assistant. Today she received her grades and the girl received two B+, two A-, and an A. WOW! For a child who wanted to drop out of school at 15, she has found her stride. I couldn't be more proud.

Back to work for me.....

*susan*

I can't believe we're all finishing chemo. I finished my last taxol last Wednesday and took the last dexamethazone yesterday. Still have Christmas decorations everywhere, still feel a little lost--is anyone else feeling it? New Year's is always such a big time for me, but recovering from chemo and being in a haze made me feel so out of it. It's also particularly difficult (if anything besides so trivial can ever be called that, I wonder?) because my college age son is still here. I wanted things to be so perfect for him, but I feel just so out of it. I wouldn't call it depressed, just not 100%. I'd like to run outside and shout to the universe that it's over, that it's an all new beginning somewhere, that I'll beat cancer,etc., but I feel steroided out and the port that is to remain for 6 months or so is a reminder that I could still be in a fragile state. Is everyone else that had a port keeping it for a while? Are you feeling relief as chemo ends or fear? Did many of our September sisters make resolutions for a healthier year? I have procrastinated making my initial rad app't, but I do so long for a break before I start rads and Tamoxifen. I just want to feel normal again for a while!

Peg, my eyebrows are very thin and my eyelashes are gone. For so long(all doing AC), I didn't lose my hair or only about 1/2 of it. The taxol has taken the rest even as I type...

Susan and everyone else returning to work, How does it feel to reenter the world after cancer?
Oh, yes, I lost my log-in. I logged in before as ConstanceDiane, but changed to my favorite drug. Love to you all.

Hello all my favourite ladies!

I have been missing in action for awhile I know, and thank you to those of you that have sent me PM to seek me out! I lurk here everyday (yes, multiple times a day too....addicted) but just never seem to have the time to type. Both kids are in bed now having an afternoon nap and while they are both being very loud and not sleeping I live in hope!!

Well I am now half way through taxol and have started herceptin. This combo is MUCH easier to tolerate (so far!) and despite some aches and pains that are controllable with high dose glucosamine and some pain killers I am coping well. The fatigue is the major one and live in a fog most of the time but compared to AC I am not complaining.

The depression comes and goes but I am pleased to say it has lifted at the moment so that is great. Some relationship issues here at home have been very tough so no wedding plans as yet I regret to tell you.

Christmas and New Year were quiet. The children got way too much as usual and NYE was quiet due to chemo so nothing to report there.

Something of interest- A friend raves about a psychic reader in New Zealand who does "absent" readings where you email her, send photos and she "reads" from that. I was a little sceptic but MY GOODNESS!! She picked the emotional issues I was having to a tea but the huge one was health. She felt I was under medical care, was very toxic and had a big problem with my hair. (hahaha!!) She felt this would come to an end by the 4th month (that is when rads is over) with a conclusion in 12 months (herceptin ends). She also said their would be a recovery but to watch my diet as I don't eat when stressed (true) and when I do it is junk (true). Also replenish my minerals as I am severely depleted due to severe toxicity. Weird huh? I am taking it as nothing more than some entertainment but it was lovely to hear of a recovery! Very interesting I thought.

I must dash but I will write more later.

xoxox

Hi all – welcome back Leanne – do wonder about you – keep the boys’ nap sessions to let us know how you are.

I went for what I thought was an ultra-sound today. I sat there with a full bladder trying hard to hold on and when I actually went in the Dr decided to stick a thing youknowhwere (so my choice of knickers was of no consequence) – he did let me go to the loo first thankfully. Seems I have some fibroids but he couldn’t see any ‘nasty’ cells. I still have to go in to have a sample off the lining of my womb. Don’t think fibroid treatment is too drastic, although I suspect they may suggest hysterectomy cos of the BC business – time will tell. I have learned to take each day at a time.

To top my day I was also due at the Warfrin clinic to check my thrombosis problem, so it was a rush but I managed to catch them after the business above. My blood should be between 2/3 – it was 10, which means my blood is like water swishing around at the moment and I could bleed badly if I cut myself. They gave me a Vitamin K and I have to leave off the Warfrin until Monday and then back to the hospital.

So the above is in addition to BC – but I am still smiling.

Sandra from the UK

Just wanted to say hi....had my last Taxol last Wednesday so I am recovering from that one. It is a bit hard without the Neupogen. The Dr's said I could recover on my own. But I am way more tired than when I had Neupogen shots. Of course it is only the 9th day. Maybe I will feel better this weekend.

Susan, good going being done with all of it. I have an appt with the Rads onc on the 11th next week. That should be interesting.

My wedding ring did not fit so I found out I have really mild lymphadema sometimes. I go once weekly to have treatments they are like really light massages and last an hour. This will help reroute my lymph system so maybe I dont get worse lymphadema. Try on your rings, if they dont fit, get help. It could be a sign of mild lymphadema.

Hang in there you all in the midst of chemo. We can do this!

Two days since anyone has posted here. Either everyone is totally exhausted from months of treatment [not so good] or folks are working hard to have lives [which is good!]

Now two months out from my last chemo, my skin is reverting to its normal self. Doesn't feel like parchment paper anymore, but no longer clear either. My stomach is still more sensitive, but I have added steamed green vegtables back to the diet. Legumes are still too hard to digest [which is too bad, love them in the winter.] Have managed to keep the 15 pounds off, but finding it difficult to get the next five to go away.

This week I have my first 'six' month checkup with the surgeon. She will decide if I am ready for a mammogram, but I will be telling her that I still have too much pain in my right breast for the squishing. And finally, still awaiting the genetic test results, though I expect them to be negative.

Small dusting of snow this morning, and now the sun is out. The perfect opportunity for a short walk.

Hope everyone is doing well,

*susan*

Sandra - thank you! I had a lovely weekend, because I didn't have to psych myself up for chemo!

Susan- glad to hear about your skin getting back to normal. My skin all over has been affected and I am quite marked, and have MANY skin cancers all brought to the surface by the chemo. I HOPE mine gets back to normal, or I'll have the skin of a 90 year old at 44! I also have cradle cap on my scalp like a baby! What a mix: skin like a baby and an old lady at the same time!

Nicole - even though you finished a little earlier than originally planned, does it feel good to not have any more chemo? Do you have radiation to follow now? I know what you mean about the heat - it has been extreme hasn't it? Well done on your bravery with no head covering. (I posted a New Years Day pic on the bald pic site. In a private pool so not as brave as you in the caravan park)It is easy to show each other here. Will you post a holiday snap?

Well everyone, today I can officially say I have completed chemotherapy! Although my last round was Christmas week, I still had the side effects to get over , and I didn't feel I'd finished until I knew I didn't have to go back. At 1:30 this afternoon, I didn't have to be at the cancer therapy centre, I didn't get called in, I didn't have anyone digging around for a vein. Chemo is over!

I have registered at Camp Nukemboobies (that's Summer Camp here in Aus ) and am getting ready for the daily bar-b-ques while I am there.

Aussiemum

Yes it is soooo great to be finished chemo, although I too have a few lingering side effects. I have been having chemo for 4 months can't expect it to all go away overnight.

I have an app with the radiotherapy Dr on 17th Jan and prob start in Feb.Right now I am just enjoying the break.

I had the cradle cap thing as well, I found washing my head with soap then when out of the shower use a vitamin enriched body moisturiser on my head,did the trick.

I don't know about you but the bloody flies love my head, I have taken to spraying incect repellent on it to keep them away. For our U.S sisters there is nothing more persistant than an Aussie blow fly.

Tina, glad your fluid situation seems to be coming to an end. Hang in there with the chemo it will be over before you know it.

best wishes to all
Nicole

Hi Everybody!

Back from a long break having to deal with a busy toddler 24 hours a day. He went back to Day Care yesterday, so I have time again to catch up with work and all of you. It was lovely reading all your posts. Seems as if everybody has been through their ups and downs. Congrats to all who finished treatment and chemo. Very jealous!

Got my port on 14 Dec, and my first Taxotere treatment on 15 December. The op was a bit painful, but it really is making the chemo infusions so much easier. The Taxotere has been so much better than the FEC! I have some needles and pins and muscle pain, and the first two days after treatment I battle to sleep, but apart from that I feel fine. My white bc is up to 7.6! I actually have a lot of energy and have started going to gym for the first time in years. My onc warned me that it is going to take time to get back into shape though.

I have started a new diet (The Natural Way) to try and get rid of all the toxins in my body and lose some of the weight! Nearly at my pregnancy weight again! I need to lose about 9kg!

The diet is based on eating mainly fresh fruit and raw or steamed vegetables. I have been battling with headaches for the last few days, so it must be working. I expected to be very hungry, but it is actually going very well, and my husband has agreed to start the program as well. Very tempting to jump onto the scale every day, but I am going to try to stick to weighing myself once a week. I expect it will go very slow, since I am still receiving weekly Taxotere treatments.

I have a problem with water retention as well. My onc prescribed something and the nurses warned me that I'll be running to the loo a lot afterwards, but nothing happened! Not too sure if it worked. Does not feel like it.

I have also applied for authorisation for Hercepting with my insurance. Waiting to hear from them. We live in hope.

The day before my port op, I had a huge fight with my business partner. She feels that I have not pulled my weight since August (when I was diagnosed). Which is true, but I warned her then that I'll only be able to assist with admin duties. She also accused me and our book keeper of cooking the books!!! She feels that he only comes in to the office when she is not here and therefore we are doing something illegal.

I was so shocked and hurt, I burst into tears. I have not drawn a salary from the business since August, while she has been drawing a full salary, and claiming travel expenses! I have not heard from her since, and she has also not come back to work, so I am not too sure what is happening. I also do not want to call her, since I still feel hurt and betrayed by her. I think I'll wait until next week, then I'll start consolidating things and decide whether it is worth it continuing with the business or if I should just work from home.

I hope you are all keeping well. Look after yourselves.

Liezel