Is sex good after chemo?

Kristamoon
Kristamoon Member Posts: 9
edited June 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer

What more is there to say?  I need to know the answer to this because it is one of the main reasons I am considering opting out of chemo. I love sex and it would greatly diminish the quality of my life if chemo messed all that up for good.

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited February 2011

    Yes.....and it was just fine duing.

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited February 2011

    Well chemo can put you in temporary menopause and that can thin the walls of the vagina making sex a bit painful plus the vaginal dryness. My gyn recommended astroglide or replens, or inserting Vitamin E and of course KY. There is a whole thread out there "How to get my mojo back" (if you do a search), it is kind of depressing at first but there are little glimmers of hope and I love the advice, if you don't use it, you lose it! And I plan to use it!

    I am 31 one years old and I just finished chemo yesterday. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life having painful sex. Having said that I hope to have a long life with my wonderful husband and daughter aged 5 and son aged 2 and if that meant having chemo and finding a new normal with my sex life, I would still do chemo in a heartbeat. That is just my own opinion.

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  • Ang7
    Ang7 Member Posts: 1,261
    edited February 2011

    Ummm...

    I disagree. Problems with hemorrhoids (and what Letlet said) is making it difficult.

    Never had this trouble before chemo.  May have surgery to fix some of the problems.

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  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 1,611
    edited February 2011

    Chemopause was fairly rough going, but it's not always permanent.  I was 39 at diagnosis and went immediately into chemopause when I started chemo, but now my cycles are back now, about 2 years out, so those menopause-related problems are gone (WHEW!!!)

    That said though, even if I knew they'd be permanent, it wouldn't have changed my mind about doing chemo, just as Letlet said.  I look at my chemo as saving my life, especially as a triple-negative.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2011

    Sadly I didn't have much sex since chemo but when I had it was great, no real problems other than a bit dryness. Also the chemo itself wasn't that bad, not fun but definitely doable .

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  • Ang7
    Ang7 Member Posts: 1,261
    edited February 2011

    Sorry,

    I reread my post and I sound like a bummer.

    I was terrified of chemo but I made it through...

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  • sakura73
    sakura73 Member Posts: 467
    edited February 2011

    Sex takes more work during chemo but it can still be great, and afterwards it can return to just as good as it ever was. A year and a half out from chemo I am having easily the best sex of my life.

    It takes more work because the chemo does dry things up a LOT. You have to take things slow, and use a good lubricant (I recommend Pjur as the best) . And you need to become more imaginative (if you are not already. The best way to keep your tackle in order (if you will forgive my crudeness) is actually orgasm. It keeps things softer, prevents too much drying up.  So lots of masturbation (again, sorry if too crude) I found that even when I didn't feel in the mood, if I went ahead anyway I always felt fabulous afterwards. It was a way I kept feeling like me, during chemo. And if I really couldn't face penetration, there were lots of other things to do to keep us both happy.

     There is a difference between libido and good sex. You might well find your desire for sex reduces, during and after chemo but the sex when you have it can still be great; and the more you have it, the more the libido comes back, in my experience. It is a bit like any other form of exercise; you might not feel like it before hand, but during and after you will love it.

     I recommend the Mojo thread, and wish you good luck in your decision making and treatment.

     

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  • Kristamoon
    Kristamoon Member Posts: 9
    edited February 2011
    Thanks Sakura73 - I was thinking the same thing - forcing my self to have an orgasm every day even if I didn't feel like it - as part of my "therapy".  Laughing  As one of the other posts says - if you don't use it you lose it!  I'm still so torn about whether or not to do chemo.  It's hard because no cancer is evident for me and chemo seems such a drastic measure to take as a preventative.  Seems like there are a lot of other things I could do to prevent it from coming back.  But with little kids and an alcoholic ex husband (who isn't, in my opinion, mentally capable of taking care of the kids full time) is that a risk I want to take?  UGH!  I don't want to do chemo!!!!!
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  • tracie23
    tracie23 Member Posts: 598
    edited February 2011
    Kristamoon, I am so sorry you are still struggling with your decision.... I will be honest sex is not as comfortable as it use to be but we still have it Laughing. I will keep you in my thoughts as you make your way through this journey. Hugs Tracie
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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited March 2011

    Oh, I am so with you, Kristamoon -- a life without sex would NOT be WORTH living! 

     

     

    My experience: sex worked just fine for me while I was doing chemo -- good response, good lubrication, no pain, explosive orgasms, could still even have my multiples. However....

    1. I lost most of my LIBIDO. Before BC -- diagnosed when I was 47 -- I had the sex drive of an 18-year-old boy (LOL), I used to think about sex many times a day every day. If I didn't have a boyfriend (or I had one, but we were apart for whatever reason), I would simply "take matters into my own hand" as necessary. During chemo I almost totally stopped thinking about sex and never got in the mood, UNLESS my Pack Rat was over and, um, "encouraging" me. Unfortunately, most of the loss of my "spontaneous constant" libido was permanent -- I still get in the mood easily, function through and enjoy sex when I'm with my Pack Rat, but getting horny on a regular basis just spontaneously like I used to only happens MAYBE once every couple of weeks.  :-(

      

    2. During chemo, while I was able to function and ENJOY sex, I had to almost always take the passive role (him on top of me), because of the crushing fatigue which left me without the energy to jump his bones and ravish him in return or do any of our more "adventurous" activities; things we did as a matter of course and now do again since I finished chemo and got enough energy back.

    Oh, and I am very sorry I did chemo, even though if I hadn't, I'd probably be dead by now.  Having done chemo is tied for #1 on my list of "worst mistakes I made in my whole life." If I could go back in time, I would decline the chemo.

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