How did u tell to family & friends?

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Sagita
Sagita Member Posts: 30
edited June 2014 in Bonded by Breast Cancer

I would like to know how did you manage to tell your friends & family about your BC. In my case since i found out having BC it's only my husband and my close sister knew about it. My parents have no idea at all. I'am asian, my family are all living in asia. I' am planning to keep it to them till i can, to avoid them to worry about me here living in the U.S. with my daughter. My husband works oversea, he travel a lot for his job.

Next month, i will start doing all the necessary check to my doctor while my husband is home for  home leave. It made me think what if i have to do surgery... of course all my close friends will be surprise. I don't want to be treated like a ill person, i don't like attention and would like to avoid questions. Mostly, when i'm with friends at least i forget all about it. I feel like i'm still the old me. What it's gonna be if they find out? Also i have 11 yr old daughter, she's the most i am concern with, it make me worried how she's going to affect her once she know about my situation. She's with me everyday & knows nothing. I love her so much. I want to provide her the mother that she always knew. Strong & never get sick.

I find it hard to start how to tell friends & family.... please advice.

Comments

  • SpecialK
    SpecialK Member Posts: 16,486
    edited March 2011

    We told most of our family (my husband's family, I have none) on the computer using Skype.  It is free and all you need is a web-cam.  It helped because they could see me, and see that I was ok.  I Skype my in-laws regularly and have found it a great way to keep in touch, and we can talk as long as we like.

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited March 2011

    Sagita ~ I think it's wise to wait to tell friends & family, as you're doing, until you have more information and a treatment plan in place.  That avoids sharing news that might be shocking and create more fear than it would if you can also share your treatment plan.

    Another thing I found helpful when I told people was being sure to add something positive about my prognosis.  Saying something like,  "... and my doctors assure me we've found it early and it's very treatable, and that I should be fine after I go through this treatment."  That way, you are answering everyone's natural concerns about your prognosis, which I think is often the awkward elephant in the room.

    As far as your 11-year old, she will look to you for her cues on how scared or worried to be.  Let her know that you have excellent doctors who are taking very good care of you, and that you have an excellent prognosis for a full recovery.  Let her know that any sickness you may experience from treatments will be temporary, and that it's all part of a healing process.  Life won't be exactly the same as you go through treatment, but she will learn how to cope when life throws her unexpected challenges through the strength and courage she'll see you demonstrate in this situation.     Deanna  

  • mouse51
    mouse51 Member Posts: 29
    edited March 2011

    I waited until I had all pathology reports, MRI reports, consults with doctors, and a surgery date before I told anyone (only my husband and one friend knew).   First, my husband and I told our 3 daughters all together.  We focused on the positive, telling them exactly what the game plan was.  There were some tears, but basically children take their cues from their parents, and they ended up having a positive attitude about the whole process.  I gave some thought as to how I would tell my sisters - I have 4 sisters, and no bc history in our family.  Since we all live in different areas of the country, I knew it would be difficult to tell them all at the same time.  Plus, it is kind of shocking getting the news over the phone, out of the blue.  So I sent an email, briefly stating that I had bc, and that I was comfortable with talking about it and answering any questions.  One by one, my sisters called (when they were over the initial shock), and I had a nice conversation with each. 

  • sukie10
    sukie10 Member Posts: 96
    edited March 2011

    Don't feel like you have to tell anybody until you are ready. It is your personal choice who you tell and feel comfortable talking to and who you don't. It is often better to wait until you know what your treatment entails. I personally was not going to tell my family at all until it was done (they don't live close by) but, when my test results were all in and it got at little more complicated to treat I ended up telling them sooner than I would have liked. I was pressured into it by good meaning people. I wish I hadn't. They haven't been the pillar of strength for me I would have liked. Actually its added a lot more stress to my situation than I needed. You likely know better than anyone what to expect from them so trust your gut.

    My friends and co workers however were my surprising strength. I'm sent good wishes by someone almost daily. You never know for sure where you are going to find support and we definitely need it when going through this. The ladies on this board are awesome if you have any concerns while you are waiting to tell your friends and family, afterwards as well. It's a very hard thing to just say out loud at first but it will get easier after you've done it a few times. Good luck to you. 

  • Sagita
    Sagita Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2011

    Thank you for taking time to share your advices. I thought i was strong enough to handle about BC. Had a couple of trusted friend i have but still i had'nt figure out how to start. Will work on it once i find my treatments how it gonna be. Like my husband says that i may need help in some days specially when he's is not home.  Hopefully i will get by with all this ok and be more strong to face my new battle in life & with my family.

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