Sherry - I will whine along with you.  The fear of the unknown is my biggest thing.  Even though I have seen my MO, finished rads and am on Tamox, I too am still in limbo.  I won't have my first mammo since dx until Jun 3rd.  At this point, that seems like a life time away.  All this has been so overwhelming since that is not a history of BC in my family and I guess someone had to win the crap shoot.  Although I elected to have the lumpectomy, I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision particulary after reading all the posts on these threads.  Most days I feel like I made the right one but who really knows.  Fortunately for me, the insurance issue is not a problem for me.  One of the benefits I got from military service is good health insurance plus the fact I was smart enough to also have a secondary plan.  The most I pay out of pocket each year is $300 and that is to cover deductibles on both plans.  That, in and of itself, takes quite a load off my mind.

I think once we have bc then we all fall into the category of high risk.  What is up with that?

Well, gotta get some errands done and then off to see the surgeon this afternoon.  Hoping this is the last appt.  He is an amazing doctor but it is time to break those ties. 

Good morning ladies - during dx and treatment, when asked how I felt my standard reply was, "Like a science project."  It seemed like anyone wearing white coat wanted to see my chest for one reason or another.  It was difficult at first being somewhat shy but as time went on, I almost became an exhibitionist.  During the expansion process when a co-worker would ask what it was like, it was all I could do to not say, "here, feel this." 

Fortunately that has all passed. 

ECG - hope you are healing well.  It sounds like your DH is going to be afraid to touch you for a while.  I actually told my DH they are not giant zits that will explode.  Actually he kind of liked the dr's instruction that they needed to be massaged and moved around to keep the scar tissue from making a hard capsule.  Okay, he really didn't care about the reasoning.

It is a shame that sensitivity is really, really low but the way I see it, they are like a facade.  They look fairly natural and they look good under clothes.  No longer am I a carpenters dream.  They became my trophys for surviving and like trophys, I wanted them big enough to show off.

Yes, I do have warped sense of humor.  Life is short so I look for the silver lining. 

No, we don't control of the rules, but we do have control on how we react and respond.  Do we look at the glass as half empty or half full.  It does get easier when frequency of dr visits drops.  It is hard not approach an appointment with the "What now?" thought.  There are so many long-term survivors.  Just as getting cancer was a "Why not me" - a healthy life moving forward can also be "Why not me."

 Jo, what is for breakfast?  Do you have any breakfast tacos on hand?

Sherry you are entitled to feel this way and as often as you like......to get hit with this diagnosis plays the worst head games for almost all involved.  No matter how much I try to educated myself I always wonder the WHAT IF?????  Such an awful way to live looking over our shoulders any minute of everyday.......hugs to you and whine all you like that is what we are all here for....... 

Thanks June for reminding us this is a great place to vent.  It is a sanctuary of sorts.  Love the larger font - makes an impact.

 Sherry you have so much to deal with trying to be strong for you parents, helping them understand their options and explaining the confusing medical terms.  Hugs.

Tink, how are you feeling today?

Good Morning Lovely Ladies

This is indeed a great place to vent! We can only do what we think is right for us and to try and accept our decisions. I believe my doctor's are there to help guide and advise me. I'm not a doctor, I'm a mom, so I leave the doctoring and all the research and "hard to read" statistics, to them. For me, it's better at way   I thank God every day that "in our time" we have such knowledgable, doctors and continuing research into how to beat the beast!

I'm thinking about all of you and praying that each of us finds peace in whatever decisions we have made and continue to make.

Vikki

yes thank God fro this board... you are all my rocks... thank you all

EXODUS..Thank you so much for asking.. I am doing pretty good... still feel pms-y I am thinking I am going to be skipping it this month for the first time... but other than that... good and grateful for ladies like you and all the other wonderfulgals on this board... couldnt get through without you all. How is your day going??

JUNE,,Hi there.... rainy day again here...

breakfast burritto sounds good... although I am still full from that wonderful dinner last night yum yum..

JO..Hope you are having a great day!

ladies seee you all later I m spreading some pixi dust so you may all have a magical day!!!

Hugs to all   

June ~ I liked the big FONT, I envisioned you yelling at us like a pep TALK!! 

Sherry ~ wishing you luck today with your parents and the dr's.  You are a good daughter.  I definately think by the end of the day you will have earned your wine.

Ect ~ hoping you have a a wonderful day too.

Tinks ~ thanks for sharing the pixie dust.

Chevy ~ hope you are outdoors "hearing" the birds chirping.

Sorry I missed serving breakfast.  Have had a busy morning running errands and just got back from lunch with hubby.  I have to leave soon for an appt with the surgeon.  Still dealing with the burning sensation in the boob - now over 2 months and another seroma.  I am beginning to think I will have to live with the burning and see if it resolves itself in time.  Who knows?  That is one of the ugly unknowns I am having to go through.

You ladies all rock - what would I do without you?   

Tink - I am doing well today and thanks for sharing the pixie dust.

Before I head out - here is what I had for lunch and I hope you ladies are hungry.

Jo lunch looks great and good luck at the BS office hope you get relief

Alicia- LMAO, thank you for that!

ECG- Are you sure you didn't tie him up?  lol

TInkI got the dust it is all over my house.....yipee good night to come for me....

SherryI so feel your pain.  Stay strong no matter how many times you have to go over it.  Your parents are very lucky to have you there for them.....old age sucks!!  And it is not only old age, it is just information overload.....Good luck today!

Jo Oh the good looking Dr. huh?  At least you got something somewhat good outta this BS crap!

Hugs and kisses to all you wonderful ladies!

JO It all looks good... of course I would be happy to share and I have a nice big corner piece waiting just for you... you girls just make my day you really do!!!!! good luck today Jo!

ECG..I know what you mean... I had dense breast too and the mammo and even the spot mammo was very vague in what it showed.. one of the surgeons didnt even see anything on the mammo imagine?? thank good ness the radilogy doc had a keen eye because mine was hiding kind and couldnt be felt...

I made it into Kohls and did not buy anything..the funny thing was I was in line with 2 shirts in my hand and thought no no no I came here to pay my bill not add to it and I put them back... what was I thinking lol!!!!

Sherry - It is hard being the rock for your parents but you better than most can understand their fear of the unknown and fear of making a wrong decision.  There is just so much being thrown at them and they see you as the veteran cancer survivor.  It does put an extra weight on your shoulders.  For what it is worth, we are here to support you.

ECG - I completely understand where you are coming from with fibercystic tissue.  Been there, done that.  Cancer was in my left breast and I too had a bmx.  The surgeon had suggested it and then after surgery said he was really glad I had both removed because cancer could have developed and gone undetected for a very long time.  I do not regret my decision. 

Tink - thank you for the Pixie dust.

Alicia - do you think you could spare some rain for us in West Texas.  We haven't had any measureable rain since September or so.

Jo - wishing you well.

Oh and June....LOL, funny girl.

Let's just saw my first and only (so far) appt with the MO was awful.  First she was an hour late.  Then I found out after she shook my hand she was battling the flu.  Then she intereviewed me about my liver and kidney and allergies...and all the while I'm waiting to find out my oncotype (the test was ordered by the BS) , so I think OMG I'm going to have chemo.  I start asking her questions back, and she says "Well, let's look at your score"  and she says "Well I guess it's just a 4."  Then I ask her other questions, and she just goes on and on about preserving my fertility, and I finally say "That's not an issue  at this point, were there abnormalities in my left breast that I need to worry about"  She says "Let me look at the mammo.  I was planning on reading your chart at lunch" My appt was at 10.  I think I audibly scoffed at that.  I hammered her with more questions about recurrence...she goes back to preserving my fertility and it goes round and round, until I said "Look, I'm not planning on having kids at this point in my life."  And she replies "If you want a second opinion you could go to Boston (a second opinion about my fertility)."  And I almost screamed I want a first one about my BC, and then she says "It is most likely you will have cancer again in your lifetime, " And started rattling off the ratios for white women.  So I asked her some more questions, and then she offered a second opinion option again and the appt was over with "I'll see you in a couple months after radiation to go over your survivorship packet"  It was the oddest appt I've ever experienced.  Apparently everyone loves this woman. She has an excellent reputation. I looked at my beau and said "Did I do something wrong"  And he said "That woman didn't listen to anything you said"  We both sat there in shock after she left.  Since then I've pursued my BS and R O about her "most likely claims"...my RO said, "Well she opened a can of worms didn't she?"  And then we discussed cancer in general and current data as it was relevant to my situation.  I have Papillary Carcinoma which is usually diagnosed in older women, it's 1-2% of all diagnosis.  I'm kind of in this unknown territory because there just doesn't seem to be data out there regarding younger women and this type of cancer. The sting of the MO's most likely is still there.  I keep thinking that if I recognized I could get it again, instead of believe it will never happen, then I can prevent it.