mom has stage 2 - feeling lost

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artsyemily
artsyemily Member Posts: 14
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Well on Friday my mom dropped the bomb that she had had a biopsy that confirmed she had breast cancer. Yesterday we met the surgeon, he says it is Stage 2, looks like Invasive Ductal and Lobular. The tumor seems to be 2.1 cm but they need an MRI to get a better picture. It is estrogen and progesteren positive. (I am still learning all these fancy words, don't know the acronyms yet) We are also waiting to hear whether it has spread to lymph nodes or not.

I just can't believe how quickly life changes. One moment you are relaxing and the next you are scheduling drs appointments, updating family, e-mailing professors to let them know you can't come to class, freaking out that you don't know how to cook and how are you going to feed your mom and dad and yourself?

I'm 24, living at home while I finish my degree in art and art ed. My dad is retired and my mom hasn't worked since I was born so we're a good team. I know she will beat this but I just hate to see my mom scared, I hate to hear her voice quiver ,and I hate the thought of her getting exhausted and nauseous from treatment.  

 Anyone know of books or good websites for what it is I should be doing? My mom's surgeon actually wrote a book about the emotional side of this for families, so I am going to try to get that soon as well. And schedule an appointment with my old psychologist. Ugh. I keep hoping it gets better. My Aunt had breast cancer dx 2 1/2 years ago and when we visited her during chemo life seemed "normal." I hope we reach a state of "normal" soon too.

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited February 2011

    Hi Emily,

    So sorry about your mother.  However, take a look at my photo and you will see what I looked like about six months post radiation.  I am also Stage II. 

    You are at the worst phase right now.  You don't have a firm diagnosis, and you don't yet know what you are facing.  If you read the Stage II forum, you will have a better idea of what is in store.

    I felt odd during treatment as opposed to nauseous.  It's not fun, but we all get through.  I had a particularly rigorous protocol as was in a treatment study.  I was highly unusual in the amount of physical activity I was able to do, but you need to know that I exercised every single day, and cycled throughout.  I think I am about your mother's age.

    One thing I would say is to reinforce that most of us don't know what caused the mutation that eventually turned into cancer.  So don't even let your mother go there.  It happened, and now the focus needs to be on getting through treatment and continuing on with a rich and full life on the other end.

    Good luck to all of you.  Your mother is lucky to have help.  As I said, this is the worst time...uncertainty is far worse than the actual hammering. - Claire

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  • EstherMSKCC
    EstherMSKCC Member Posts: 45
    edited February 2011

    Dear Emily,

    I'm sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. I'm an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and am writing to suggest some resources that may offer helpful advice on how you can help her cope with cancer diagnosis and treatment.

    Your mother may benefit from reading the posts on this very site, as there is much hope and inspiration available from the ladies here.

    The National Cancer Institute and American Cancer Society both offer good information that are helpful for both caregivers and patients:

    Coping with Cancer: For Caregivers, Family , and Friends: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/familyfriends

    Coping as a Caregiver: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/Caregivers/index

    Managing the emotional effects of cancer and treatment: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/emotionaleffects

    Managing the physical side effects of treatment: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/TreatmentsandSideEffects/EmotionalSideEffects/index

    The American Cancer Society also provides guidance on finding support programs and services in her area: http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/SupportProgramsServices/index

    Livestrong may also be of help finding one-on-one support: http://www.livestrong.org/Get-Help/Get-One-On-One-Support

    Another excellent resource is Cancer Care. They offer free on-line support groups and individual counseling. CancerCare social workers can also guide patients and family members to counseling and support groups in their own communities. You can reach them through these links: http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/counseling.php and http://www.cancercare.org/get_help/supportgroups.php

    I hope these suggestions are helpful and wish you the best of luck as you support your mother through this difficult time.

    -Esther

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  • artsyemily
    artsyemily Member Posts: 14
    edited February 2011

    Thanks Claire. We see the oncologist today and will go over her MRI, Cat Scan, Chest Ultrasound, and Lymph Node Biopsies. I don't know her oncotype number but I am pretty sure they are going to suggest chemo. They found a small spot on her lung during her MRI - of course they said don't worry but we've heard that before, and she is a smoker. 

     Thanks for the resources Esther, I will definitely check them out. I will suggest this site to my mom - she has been odd in that her original doctor told her not to look online until she knew exactly what she had. Hopefully that will be soon, and then it would be beneficial to look for support forums like this.  

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  • artsyemily
    artsyemily Member Posts: 14
    edited February 2011

    Well Chest scans showed 2 lung nodules that radiologist said can't be biopsied.

     Breast Cancer is on hold until we figure out what they are. Could be lung mets, could be primary lung cancer. My mom is a wreck and my psychologist is on vacation. 

    PET scan next week, we don't expect it to be conclusive. Oncologist said it's highly likely they will have to do lung surgery first.  

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  • motherofpatient
    motherofpatient Member Posts: 240
    edited February 2011

    About the lung nodules - my daughter had the same experience. The day we went for the 1st chemo we were told she had to have a ct scan. Now, my husband and I are in a lung cancer study (Mom died from small cell LC). I have 4 of these, my husband has 2 - apparently many of us do and it is not cancer. I hope this is what it is for your mom.

    Believe me I know how you feel.  When the onc said suspicious lung shadow, CT needed - all I could think was "my mom died from lung cancer and now you are telling me my daughter might have it."

    Where do you live? Many cities have great cancer centers that offer counseling, yoga, nutrition, art therapy etc.

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  • motherofpatient
    motherofpatient Member Posts: 240
    edited February 2011

    By the way - get a voice recorder and take it to every visit. There is just too much info to take notes. I transcribe it for my daughter so she has written info on hand on what to do, what to use or not use, etc and all the treatment recommendations and why.

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  • artsyemily
    artsyemily Member Posts: 14
    edited March 2011

    Thanks all. 1 lung nodule did not show up on the PET scan (yay) the other showed up but was really small. Mom goes to see a lung surgeon tomorrow to talk about a biopsy or VATS procedure. 

    In case anyone else comes to this thread feeling emotional about the diagnosis of a family member or friend, after 2+ weeks my parents and I are feeling a lot more normal. It's tough because we still don't know if it's Stage 2, 3, or 4, but we're trying to focus on just living .I saw my psychologist and she told me to do present-moment exercises, where you are aware of your body, even when you are in stress. It has been helping a lot and I am glad my mom is back to being herself as well.  

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited March 2011

    Emily....don't know if this will make you feel better, but ten years ago one of my close friends who had not been given hormonal therapy discovered her tumors had spread to her lungs.  They found them during an x-ray for foot surgery.

    The larger ones were removed, and she has been on hormonal therapy.  She has been just fine ever since.  So really important to know that treatment really can work.

    Meanwhile, try to take a deep breath until all the tests are complete. - Claire

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  • artsyemily
    artsyemily Member Posts: 14
    edited March 2011

    That does help! We are really thinking it is not lung cancer, but are prepared to deal with that reality should it arise.

     Mom goes in for her lung surgery at 7:30 tomorrow morning. They will take the whole nodule out with clear margins and take the nearby lymph nodes out as well. We should get the pathology report back within 5-7 days! 

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  • artsyemily
    artsyemily Member Posts: 14
    edited March 2011

    Surgery went perfectly.

    Turns out it was Valley Fever from our Christmas trip to Phoenix. I feel incredibly guilty (I went to ASU and insisted we go visit) but more than that I am thankful it wasn't cancer. Mom is meeting her breast surgeon today to schedule the next surgery! 

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  • artsyemily
    artsyemily Member Posts: 14
    edited April 2011

    My mom had her lumpectomy. It went really well, there was no cancer in the lymph nodes and the tumor was small. 

    So after a long journey of believing she had Stage 4 breast cancer, she is now barely at Stage 1. Her new oncologist is going to do the Oncotype Test, although she doubts my mom will need to do chemotherapy. I could not be happier.

    Moral of the story - do not rest until you find the doctor that will never stop fighting for you. 

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  • LovinMyMom
    LovinMyMom Member Posts: 34
    edited April 2011

    Artsyemily - That is great news about your mom. I hope things continue to look up. No reason to feel guilty about your Christmas trip. You never know when anything can happen any time, and you can't live life constantly on fear or constantly looking backwards. One thing I've learned since my mother's diagnosis is that sh@t happens and there doesn't seem to be a darned thing we can do to prevent it. I am glad to hear that your moms battle may turn out to be, in the broad spectrum of cancer, not so bad. Good luck!

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  • suemed8749
    suemed8749 Member Posts: 1,151
    edited April 2011

    artsyemily - Great news! Years before I was dx with bc, I went to the doctor for some serious back pain and she ordered some x-rays which came back showing spots in my lungs. I was scared stiff, but testing showed that I, like your mom, had had Valley Fever. When I was dx with bc, I kept waiting for those spots to show up, but they never did, not on PET/CT scans nor the pre-surgery chest x-ray nor the chest x-ray I had to get into a clinical trial.

    Wishing a fellow Sun Devil and her mom all the best -

    Sue

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