New to posting... and wanted to say thank you...

Welcome! I am glad you have decided to start posting, I was nervous at first too, and my husband made me. Best thing I ever did.

What you are describing is completely normal. I think we all have the shock and horror of Dx, but then come to terms with things and settle into Chemo, then when that is done all the fears come back. It is something you do come to terms with, it just takes time.

Hang in there, keep putting one foot in front of the other, you sound as though you really are doing pretty well. And post here whenever "the crazies" get to be too much!

Hi Sweetie!!!!

I want to give you a big hug right now!!!!  I feel the same way you do a lot these days.  I go back and forth from feeling upbeat and positive about my future, and then to that "dark" place where I have myself convinced a new pain is cancer.  I think it's pretty natural.  I mean how are we supposed to know what is a "normal" pain for us anymore???  And I felt the same way, that as much as chemo sucked, I felt like I was doing something active to fight it off.  

I had multiple tumors too, w/my primary one being 6.5cm, 13/15+ nodes w/extra capular extension as well.  I believe we have EARNED the right to be nervous.  But we have to try to grab TODAY and not try to worry too much about the "what if's" (now if I could practice what I preach, right?).  

These ladies have been my rock when I just cant' figure it all out.  We'll be here for you too!

Feel free to PM me anytime if you'd like.

(((HUGS)))

Sharon

Hey hip pain is the first false pain I flag to my oncologist and it was nothing.  If you look around this site for a while it seems to be one of the most common aches and the hips are a big joint area that tamoxifen seems to hit.  That being said I also think if it goes on you will feel a lot better once you tell your oncologist and he/she lets you know it is nothing

I love hiding my head in the sand so this is actually quite hypocritical of me to say, but every time I have finally bit the bullet and flagged something to my oncologist I have left kicking myself for waiting so long and worrying so unnecessarily.  You will slowly learn to trust your body again and to recognize an ache you have already had from something else.  I remember panicking over a back ache for 2 days until I correlated it with the fact that I had rearranged a room and had been lifting heavy furniture.  Even did it 4 days ago waking up terrified about my back hurting again until I remembered I had cleaned out the garage the day before...

Anyway welcome to this forum and all our crazy mental games in person.  I'm so glad we are all here supporting each other through this CRAP! 

Glad you found us. Keep posting - we are all here to help any way we can.

mom2twins34 -

Welcome!  I'm glad you have found good things from these boards.

To tell the onc or not?  I hear you on that one.  Here's my story.

During my chemo trial I also participated in an imaging study involving PET scan.  By the time I was done with neoadjuvant chemo I had gone through many scans (MRIs, PETs, mammos, USs, DEXA, bone scan, CTs).  The worse part was the PETs kept doing false positives and we had to chase down the last set down to a colonoscopy and never figured out the thickening in the cecum.  But I was done and told him lets leave it alone unless I have symptoms.

About 5 months ago I was getting a pain in my clavicle area.  It would come on suddenly and hurt for maybe 5 minutes or up to 20 minutes.  The type of hurt that I responded by rubbing it - it would just ache for seemingly no reason at all.  And on top of that, I had these tender spots under my cancer armpit and down the side where I had the lymph nodes removed.  So I mentioned it to my onc thinking that he would explain what was causing it and I would feel better.  Nope.  X-rays.  I'll get the results when I see him the following week.  Well there wasn't any scanxiety involved because in my gut I just knew that the scans would be clear.  And they were.  But it bothered me that I just had another scan that wasn't needed and, sure enough, the pain disappeared after that.

My last visit was right after my check up with the BS.  Well I had major issues with my shoulder - it had really gone backwards and my range of motion was poor and it hurt to do anything.  The BS wrote me another script for physical therapy.  So I'm explaining the results of the BS visit to my onc and he starts asking me about the pain.  I see the look in his eyes.  The concerned look which is telling me his brain is thinking "Which type of scan would be best?".  So my quick response is "The pain is here - right in the joint.  It's the joint - not the bone.  I'm positive it's just a joint issue and PT will help it."   Whew!  Got passed the need for another scan but it took some convincing on my part.  The guy really cares about me and knows me well enough to know that I'm don't complain and then expect him to do something about it.  I've had enough drugs and scans!

So that brings us to today.  I rescheduled my onc appt for tomorrow instead of the 21st because this last month I been hit with daily fatigue.  Really affecting my work and I've been very close to go home or calling in sick.  I really need to do something to help the fatigue.  Then yesterday I got this weird aching pain on the left side of my chest below the mast area. As I was rubbing it I found a pinpoint spot that gave me a sharp pain.  So here I go again.  Do I tell him or not? 

I think I will tell him but I'm also going to ask him to explain to me what it might be.  That I don't want a scan unless he really, really, really is concerned.  Sigh.

So this is a very long-winded way of saying that, yep, we totally understand.

Hi...I too vacillate between "I will survive this" and "OMG, I'm gonna die from this stupid disease"... my goal is to minimize the trips to the "dark" place and hope that someday I won't go overly crazy about every little ache and pain...actually, now that I think about it, my hypochondria (self-diagnosed) got a tad better after BC diagnosis either because I stick my head in sand more or because I now understand that aches and pains don't always mean cancer (had all sorts of scans that turn out to be nothing)...take care... 

Mom2twins-  

Oops I guess I wasn't clear.  This was a double entendre.  You had said  "It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders." and I replied that "weightlifting is a great exercise to strengthen the bones".  What I meant was that you will find that in this process we all strengthen each other.  In hind sight very cryptic, but.... 

OK, that being said weightlifting is actually an excellent choice with lymphedema.  There is actually a crew team here in DC for BC survivors and they are finding more and more that exercise and usage actually prevents lymphedema.  It's important to recognize that this doesn't mean to overdue.  Begin gently and really listen to your symptoms.  If you have lymphedema there may be a whole new set of rules.

My physical therapist has actually done extensive research in this and she says there is nothing I can't do physically as long as I am diligent about not overdoing. I don't have lymphedema, but she measures my arms every time I go in.  I wear a sleeve when I run because I find that is when my arm tingles the most, but since I am numb all the way from my arm pit to below the elbow I also have to realize that it has some of that "novacaine numbness" tingle anyway.

Exercise is the number one, best thing, you can do for yourself physically and emotionally.  Guess now that I said that I'd better get out for a run...

Now have a great day!