PTSD?
HI. Just had dexa scan. When the machine came over me it so reminded me of rads. I started sobbing . Does anyone else get these kinds of reactions to the simplest things? They hit me at the weirdest times. I couldn't breath... like a panic attack ? I've had this also when I get a simple injection or when I get zometa infusion set up. Any ideas? It only happens a few times per year but I'd sure like to know ways to avoid these awkward painful moments.
THanks
Wendy
Comments
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wendy- yes i think i tis completely normal to feel that way, different things will bring back memories, this has happened to me too, when i think im fine i just break down and sob, when i did the bc walk not to long ago i thought i was fine and then as soon as i started walking i just couldnt control my emotions i was so upset at myself, i have seen more and more on here talking about ptsd i believe it really is a real problem. sorry you are going thru this, and maybe we all need some kind of therapy to get thu what we have all gone thu- love and hugs to you hope you feel better
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Wendy - PTSD can definitely be a major, long standing SE for some people after a BC dx. I have both the 'numb to emotion' kind and the 'super sensitive' kind of reactions from time to time. Sometimes I get really sad inside and become quite introverted - don't want to do anything or see anyone for a few days if I had the choice - and at other times I get panicky or there are tears for no good reason eg the other day I was listening to my DD rehearse her songs for her university audition and the tears just started to flow - no idea why as I had heard them many times before and not had the same reaction. I am sorry I can't help with predicting or avoiding these sorts of situations though because like you, they just seem to happen randomly when I am least expecting them. A BC dx puts us on an emotional roller coaster - one many of us will never get off or if we do it will be a long time before we do. You are not alone in this.
Sending you calm and caring thoughts
Rae
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Wendy I am so bad that I dream about breast cancer every night and thus sleep only 4-5 hours a night several days a week. I am seeing a Licensed Social Worker (like them way better than shrinks who just throw pills at you). Since I started two weeks ago, she has given me tips on how to make my brain come out of the fight or flight stage it seems to be stuck in and I have been sleeping much better. This is a process and once you have the tips on how to handle the triggers, it really gets better.
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PTSD can be a problem for some people even BEFORE bc diagnosis. After I got diagnosed with LCIS (and a tough needle localization), I started cringing for usually unknown reasons, several times a day. I certainly cringed whenever a doctor entered the room, and even cringed (and acted like I had trouble breathing) when a guard at work called out to me, 'Have a great shift!' This is very embarassing as I'm a hospital pharmacist, but I usually have very limited contact with docs (since I work at night.) It felt like a lightening bolt, out of the blue. I had no idea what the trigger was. I usually tried to pretend I was tying my shoe when I cringed.
I felt completely crazy, since of course I knew rationally that the doctor entering the room was 'on my side', but it felt like I had no control over my reaction.
I was diagnosed with 'something like' PTSD by an MFT, probably starting at birth (I was a 6mo 10day preemie -this may explain my breathing symptom.) People who have multiple traumas are more susceptible to PTSD.
Similar to BarbaraA, my therapist has helped me a lot. I saw a cognitive therapy psychologist for a few months to learn some biofeedback. I certainly didn't appreciate the cognitive therapy psychologist referring to my behavior as 'a bad habit', but biofeedback did help. Talk therapy also has helped. Its not totally gone after 4.5 years, but I now rarely cringe when a doc enters the room.
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Wendy...I am going to be no help on the what to do part but I can tell you that having chemo that ended 11 1/2 years ago, to this day, when I walk into the treatment room for my infusions, I can STILL taste it. It is not at all uncommon. I do have some excellent meds that get me past everything (almost) being stage iv now so I bring a wonderful fruity and nutty yogurt mix to eat and just ignore the taste thing and as the infusion I get now does not leave a 'taste in the mouth', things seem to going ok.
Oh, and some of the meds are for depression due to PTSD and my coping skills are nil with this new dx so if its better living through pharmaceuticals - so be it! I can even sleep in my bed again (that is a long story) so its a good thing!
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Hi, Wendy:
I am so sorry you're struggling...I definitely can relate. Some days are okay, and other days are so hard and anything can set me off. This morning I read a devotional about a little boy who was badly scarred and didn't know it until he looked in a mirror for the first time. It actually had a good point, but I cried and cried feeling like that little boy with my mutilated chest and swelled up LE arm.Some days are just like that. I'm going to start seeing a oncology social worker in the next couple of weeks.
On the one hand, I feel like I've been through the ringer, and on the other hand, I think = What's your problem? Lots of people have it way worse than you do. Quit your whining!!!!
I probably need to see somebody about my multiple personalities.
You hang in there, Wendy = I'm hanging in, too.
Suzanne
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I noticed that wendy hasnt logged in since she posted this, I hope you are ok wendy, your in my thoughts and prayers please let us know how you are ((((((((((hugs)))))))
Suzanne- Whine away, you have been thru the wringer and you have every right to have those days, we all do, and i make no opologies for it, Im glad your going to see someone hopefully it will help you too. (((( gentle hugs))))))))))
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I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and now depression and anxiety over my grade 0 DCIS and bilateral mast. I am seeing someone but just am having so many problems coping with the PTSD. It is putting my life on hold while I obsess over my cancer diagnosis. I hope my talk therapy and meds help me some.
Agada
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((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) agada
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My question is why does it take so long for our DRS. too notice this problem. I have ben feeling like crap for yrs. and not one DR. said anything about this syndrome. Before I had cancer I had depression/anxiety problems. HELLO?????????????? I don't get it. I am struggling to hang on and I feel not one person gives a damn!!!
Hugs,
B
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Hi B! I give a damn!! xo Hang in there sister. Feel free to PM me if you want support! xo
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hey B!! i feel very much the same as you. you can see, its the middle of the night, and here i sit (again) i just felt like WHAAAHAPPEN>> when chemo was done, they were done with me. i keep feeling like screaming..i'm still here, its' still cancer, and im still tramautized. i have a social worker, too; but the ladies here give me strength in btween the 2 wks. isee him.. hang in there . i was ok till 2nd surgery; now, ptsd big time,, again.. light and love, 3jaysmom
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I am a 3 timer and #2 was definitely the most difficult emotionally. That was six years ago and my second bout with radiation therapy. To this day, I still cannot tolerate the smell of "Sharpie" markers as they were used to mark the area to be radiated. The RT doctor and I were close as we worked together in other capacities at the same hospital. She recognized my PTSD almost immediately. She prescribed low dose Lexapro and I was only on it a few months with great success. But still hate those darned markers and always will. Had third BC dx exactly a year after the 2nd, but handled this okay- more pissed off than anything and had BMX with 5 years of Femara which I just finished in August. Take care of yourselves, ladies. Don't wait on the docs. to decide for you.
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Hey, sorry about not returning to post. It's been a crazy ride with my new job-- working mega hours. Anxiety with doing new stuff but overall have not had to go in for anything medical for a little while so at least not having to think about BC as much... trying to exercise to relax.
Hope and pray the best for you all... thanks for your kindness in replying!
blessings,
Wendy
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I just went in for my first mammogram after treatment last year. When she squished my radiated breast I started sobbing. I had to wait 30 minutes after that for the radiologist to read them. The technician came out and said he wanted an ultrasound of my "good breast". Tears streamed down my face during the entire procedure. I never cried once during radiation treatments. I cried the rest of the day. I am so not looking forward to my MRI this summer.
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I am totally with you guys. I am not one to cry, but sometimes the tears well up at the oddest moments. Like a month ago when I purchased tickets to our annual trip to the circus. I remember exactly how I felt last year when I first discovered the lump and didn't yet know what it was...that was the week before the circus came to town. I didn't buy tickets for the circus that year because I couldn't afford them, the first time ever we didn't go to the circus. I just remember when I found the lump, what if it were breast cancer and I die before the circus came around next year. That I would have given up that wonderful day with my kids and I would never have that again! Thankfully, the cancer was not as serious as that, I am alive and doing fine. But I tell you, when I bought those tickets, I could feel those feelings as if it were happening again! I am going to go for counseling in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully they will be able to help me deal with the anxiety I feel.
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