Starting chemo January 2009?

Oh Jess, hugs

FREAKING OUT!!!!   Found a lump in my left breast.  Same as the one that had the cancer.  Dr. can't see me for over two weeks and I am a basket case.  The lump feels very much like the cancerous one I found last time.  Oh God please not again.  I do not think I could do it.  I can not think of anything else right now and every morning the first thing I do is check to see if the lump is still there and oh yes it is was not a bad dream.

I am hoping and praying that it is just scar tissue as I did have recon and breast  reduction on both sides recently but have a really bad feeling about this.  The right breast which is also scarred and heasling does not feel lumpy at all! 

Pray for me please. I am exhausted from lack of sleep and just want to lie in bed and cry. Need some positive vives from my January Jewels. 

Patti 

Oh Patti, I am so sorry you found another lump.  That is devastating.  Remember that 80% of lumps are non-cancerous!!!  Just because we fell into that 20% last time doesn't mean it's going to happen again.  I am hoping that it's scar tissue.  Please please please keep us updated and is there any way you can see another doctor sooner?  You can't wait 2 weeks!  Not because it would be worse medically, but just for your sanity!  We are here for you Patti. 

(( LJ - HUGS))

LadyJane--Cyber hugs.I hope you've been able to get one of your drs. to see you before 2 weeks.Honestly, it would just take a quick 5 minute exam to reassure you.

On a brighter note...Check out new picture.  My grandaughter (Aislynn) is growing fast!!! So grateful for her presence in my life right now. Can not believe she will be two next month.

Hello JJs-  I am back now from my mom's funeral. Hugs to you all and I will be in touch soon.

Patti--glad you got in to see the NP. I think that fat necrosis is pretty common so they're able to id it by feel. But I know I'd be  constantly feeling the lump too. Once bit twice shy--of course we're worried, and I wish our docs and nurses would be more sensitive to that.

Your granddaughter is SO CUTE.Wow--2 years

Renrel, totally had me smiling to start the day and week, thank you

TKD seminar-not Tennessee seminar!

I'm starting to recuperate a little from the leftover chemo myopathy, which is helping the fatigue.  Neuropathy looks like I'm stuck with.  Got my hair where I want it, leaving it grey.  Can't stand the thought of the fuss and expense of going back to dyeing it.   Work has been a little better lately, I think it is a combination of me getting a little stronger and adjusting some of the projects I was working on. 

So, that's where I am Jess. 

Jilly G-- To where are you going in Montana?  I lived there for a while and loved it.  The western part of the state is very beautiful , but I had many interesting adventures when I lived in the eastern part.

Hey girls, thinks are pretty good by me.  I had my 6mth on Wed and was not feeling good about it but everything went well.  My doctor moved to a less convenient hospital so that he could be head of the whole clinical cancer center not just breast and keep his patients.  There was a screw up with getting my record and with no one telling me I needed to get blood work done at least 2 hours before a CT scan.  Caused some annoying delays as I went back and forth between all the departments but the staff were really carefull about needle pricks, getting a more experience staff person when they were not comfortable with vains (I was dehydrated so my veins sucked) so I got blood drawn in with only one stick and contrast injected with only one stick and niether caused bad brusing.  CT and blood work look good but doc needs to have the CT read on a better screen to be absolutely sure.  If so no more CTS.   I miss MGH because it had a great patient support program but hopefully I won't really need that any more.

Work is OK.  My backlog is down but I still have a few older I can' t get too  which just get older while I try to get all the newer ones done before they go out of what we call time lapse (we are supposed to get a certain percentage of the cases in within 30 days of appeal and 45 days of appeal.)  But I am respecting ID security concerns and not bringing cases home anymore and have been told not to stay late if no one else is there for safety reasons, which makes it hard to find time to catch up, since I can only stay late if DH picks up DS.  

April is a busy month.  DS will be in his first play.  He is Levi and Benjamini in Joseph and the Technicolor dream coat whch is being put on by his Sunday School. He has been stay an extra hour and a half each Sunday to work on it and is the youngest in the cast.  It is getting a bit tense now because they have to go off script and that is freaking hm out.  We plan to do the first night seder at our home but have to put out invites.  Then I am driving DS down to see my family for the 2nd night and leaving him with my parents for the week instead of dealing with finding a school vacation program.  End of the month DH is doing the 5 boroughs bike ride in NY with his brothers on the Sunday after as Saturday Bar Mitzah for good friends in Boston.

Winter does not want to let go here in the NE.  There are still spots of snow on the ground and we had flurries and frost on the cars this past week.  But the plants are still pushing there way out of the ground, so spring is winning the battle.

I continue to do the Wii everyday.  Currently my favorite is skateboarding.  And I am slowly losing some weight.  I was hanging  around 130 give or take a pound or two.  Now I am hanging around 127 give or take a pound or two.  Slow going but at least its movement and my legs hurt which means muscles is being formed which will burn more calories as well as looking better.  I expect I will stll feel more comfortable going out in a tummy control bathing suit by summer but if I don't I won't feel quite so self consicous.

DS is loving his Russian Math class.  It fill me with such unexpected joy when he finds something he really enjoys and it shows in his face and demeanor.  Math and theater seem to rock his boat much better than soccer has.  DS and DH are working on some carpentary project DS thought up.  We think he wants to play a trick with it on the therapist we have started taking him to to help him and us get better control over his emotions. 

I have all the summer camp weeks set, well I have to move the weeks for one camp from July to August, but then we should be set.  Now I have to plan a family vacation and a little 10th wedding anniversary get away.  Just a few days but maybe we might actually go someplace  we have fly to, like Mexico or Burmuda, instead of a B and B in the Birkshires, but any getaway would be nice.  In the last 3 years we have had two overnights away from home and child - one to a hotel a half hour away just before my surgery and one for a night in Florida when my inlaws were booked up with other family.  Neither were real "get aways." I am dreaming of doing yoga on a beach, getting myself some yummy breakfast at an outdoor buffet and then going back to the room and doing DH, napping for a while and then doing whatever.  

OK, I need to go do a little bit of Wii and do something with the day.  Buy Jewels! 

Yeah, Kalispell and Whitefish are wonderful.  I have fond memories of sking around there.  I have been to Great Falls many times, many years ago.  How cool. 

My dad was a preacher for a while in Plentywood, Mt.

Having  good weekend.  Friday DS had a early evening b-day party so DH and I went out for dinner and did not have to factor in babysitting costs.  I decided to expand out of my comfort zone and have a beer.  I am more a wine and cocktail kind of a girl, I have had maybe 5 beers in my life.  It is still a taste I would need to work on aquiring but it was not bad.  It was a micro brew called Monte Python's holy ail and we had to order it just for the name. 

Saturday we got DH a debit card on my BOA account, which took longer than we wouid have liked, but allowed us to go to the Museum of Fine Arts for free, which was the only reason we did it.  We wanted to take DS but did not want to spend around $40 for what might be a half hour excusion if DS hated it.  His first reaction to the suggestion was that it would be "total torture" but I insisted we give it a try and that we all make up a scavenger hunt list of things to look for.  I set the goal to stay one hour and if we were not having a good time we would leave.  DS initially rolled his eyes at the scavenger hunt idea but when I started the list he was totally into adding his ideas to it.  We had a list of 12 regular items and 6 bonus items.  Things like: something egyption; a landscape; a Mattise; something huge.   We found all but two ideas ( an egg fossil and an image of a sand dollar, which were idea DS insisted on including).  We were there about 3 hours, we let DS direct us through the museum and he agreed when it was over that it was not "total torture."  He was more focused on checking things off the list then really looking at the art but he looked enough and made a positive association with art museums and learned how to look at the info plate to get information about the piece, which more than met my goals for the day.  And total cost with lunch and parking was under $20.  

Today DS has sunday school and theater group. I dropped him off and then spend a half hour or so drinking coffee and chattin with other parents. Then came home to some quality married time. .  Now it time for errands and chores.