Mom just diagnosed with stage 4

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Let me just start out by saying i am very moved by everyones stories and my prayers go out to everyone and their families and friends effected by this horrible disease.

 At the age of 56, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer with mets to her bones only. The cancer has spread to her ribs, pelvis, hips, and i may be wrong but her lymph nodes also. I hate to say this but the first thought that went through my head was oh no my my does not have much longer to live. She has no pain but the chemo is really slowing her down. My moms treatment so far is a double masectomy and 8 treatments of chemotherapy. My mom is now on her third session. During her second session the doctor gave us good news that the lump in her breast is now shrinking. i try to be as strong as i can for her. I started researching which left me very depressed because the odds of beating this are slim for stage 4 patients. I stay up late almost every night sobbing myself to sleep and most nights praying. I do have faith that my mom will pull through and lead a normal healthy life again, but once i get that thought "life expectancy for a stage 4 cancer patient is about 33 months" i just break down again. I hate having to see my mom go through this, no one deserves this. my mom is my best friends and losing her is my greatest fear. At times she just sits there and repeats "why is this happening to me", i really don't even know what to say to her because i'll only end up bursting into tears. Everyone has been so supportive. my mom is a tough woman, i hope she can beat this.

If anyone out there has a similar diagnosis, survivor story, advice, or just kind words of inspiration, it would be greatly appreciated.

WE NEED TO FIND A CURE FAST!!!

Comments

  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited February 2011

    Oh sweetie! Please know that there are many stage IV women on the boards with bone mets who are being treated and managed and some have even gone into remission! In fact, one lady posts every January and this year she is 15 years out from diagnosis!  Hold on to that!

  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited February 2011

    gpesav- Im so sorry to hear about your mom diagnosis, i know how scared you must be, im not a stage iv so i cant really help you with that, but did want to tell you to go the the stage iv thread where you will get great information and loving support from all the ladies there, and so many of them that have been around for quite a few years some 14, 15 years, some of there stories are really inspirational and will help you get thru this. Some times the threads move slow and you may not get a response right away, not because no one cares but the threads can get kind of lost too with so many posts here, just wanted to let you know i was listening and wanted to send you big hugs your way, your mom and you and family are in my thoughts and prayers (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

    Debbie

  • Heidihill
    Heidihill Member Posts: 5,476
    edited February 2011

    Stage 4 can be many different things and the statistics tend to just lump everyone in one category. It looks like your mom's treatment is already working so that is excellent news! And your mom is really lucky to have you!!

    I have been in remission now for 3 years. I had bone mets in the spine and was in a lot of pain. Chemo brought more pain initially, but then the pain went away and I knew we had the cancer down for that round. The rest of the treatment was tough but doable (mastectomy, radiation and currently, hormonal therapy). Now I go to the gym every day and I'm enjoying watching my daughter grow up! No one can say if my next scan will bring bad news but I know I'll be in as good a shape as anyone to deal with the next challenge.

    Hope this helps you and your mom. Sending you cyberhugs and healing thoughts and prayers to your mom.

  • Laurie08
    Laurie08 Member Posts: 2,891
    edited February 2011

    When I read your post, I could relate with how you feel about your mother.  My mother was diagnosed stage IV when she was 51.  I am glad at the time we did not have internet in our home (this was 11 years ago)  all the googling would have destroyed me.  I had no idea what her "odds" were- neither did she.  We were always very positive and I think it made a huge difference in how she felt and her out look, not to mention her quality of life.

    Heidi hill said it well, each stage IV is different, there is hope, don't let the statistics get you down.  If you can stop googling, come to these threads for support and encourage your mother to as well.  That way you will see that there are many strong women here with a great sense of humor that have many successes to share with you.

    Prayers for you and your family.

  • gpesav
    gpesav Member Posts: 4
    edited February 2011

    Wow, thanks for all the support. Your replies made me feel a lot better. I am just so afraid of what the future brings but i'm glad that everyone is so supportive and that my mom has a wonderful medical team working by her side.

  • GoldenEyes
    GoldenEyes Member Posts: 180
    edited February 2011

    Stay positive..There are so many that  have lived with stage IV for many many years...I personally have know people in my life that were told they only had a short time..An uncle in the family lived another 25 years !..Hang in there,, prayers are with you and your Mom.. You have a great group of women here...

  • mvides17
    mvides17 Member Posts: 4
    edited February 2011

    My story is very similar to your's, my mother was diagnosed with bc last june, after 6 rounds of chemo and the mastectomy we tought it was gone, but she was recently diagnosed with bone mets having a lessions all over her body, she is currently on hormonal therapy and she will soon be treated with zometa. I am her only child and my dad is dead. It hurts so much because I'm so close to her and I hate to watch her suffer and dread the moment she has to get up to go to the bathroom because she can't endure the pain. My prayers are with you and your mother, I learned to leave Dr. Google behind and come here whenever I need to get my spirits up instead.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2011

    Forget those statistics that say she will live 33 months.  I have been Stage lV for 13 yrs now....maybe longer since I complained about the pain in my sternum for about two years before they even did a bone scan on me and discovered it.  Not only did they find it in my bones, it was in the lung and liver....And I am still here.  So don't give up hope.  Finding out you are Stage lV is scary and it is normal to think the worst since there is no Stage V....I remember how scared I was and calling all my friends to come over and how we sat around and I cried and was positive that the end was coming.  Well, the end is coming for all of us one day but I have been very fortunate in that I have found I am able to live with cancer.....you just need to find a treatment that will get it under control.  I always say I no longer think of it as dying from cancer, but living with it.  I wish you mother the very best.  

  • Janice54
    Janice54 Member Posts: 83
    edited March 2011

    I was dx with bone mets almost 5 yrs ago.  There was on evidence of the cancer after 6 mths just by taking a drug called tamoxifen.  Be grateful in is not in any major organs. This is highly managable!  Don't just hope she will beat this, believe that she will, as my daughter (31) has.  My daughter has been so supportive.  The day I was dx she had her long, beautiful hair cut and donated it to Locks for Love.  Now she organizes fund raisers for BC.  She makes scarves and jewerly to sell for BC also.  She makes me so proud!  This dx has brought us even closer together.   (((((hugs)))))) to you and your Mom!! 

  • mcp88
    mcp88 Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2019

    We got the call my mom had cancer on January 2nd. They said it was was in her left breast and 6 lymph nodes on her left side. When they did the MRI they said they were concerned about her right lymph nodes but her right breast was clear and she had a CAT scan and bone scan yesterday. Today we found out the bone scan revealed spots on her middle and lower back. CAT scan came back clear. I am devastated, my mom is devastated and I am trying to have a hopeful outlook and keep my faith but it feels like we just keep getting worse and worse news. Her cancer is lobular and triple positive (that includes HER2+) On top of that my mom already has a chronic illness crohn's and she had a mammogram and ultrasound in June that came back clear but because its lobular it's common to not show up on mammograms and ultrasounds. I'm going back to college at the end of the week and I'm terrified to leave my mom. My dad and sister are around and she has three siblings and friends in her corner...but I don't want to lose my mom....I'm so scared and hurt and tired. My mom is my best friend I want her to see me get married and have kids and advance in my career.

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