Playing the blame game
Maybe I'm just a little sensitive because I was diagnosed with DCIS in Sept 2010, but I am really getting sick of people essentially blamming those of us with cancer for causing it. These people I'm talking about are saying that if I ate only organic foods, avoided milk, don't take this vitamin but take lots of that vitamin exercize all day long breath only pure oxygen, live in a bubble...(ok so I'm going off on a tangent but you know what I mean). They say if I am not living a pure life then I am most certainly going to cause cancer to grow in my body. They say that the mammograms we are told to get cause cancer because of the radiation AND because they squish DCIS cells out of the ducts to cause invasive cancers. They say that the only true way to detect cancer is to become intamantely aware of your own body and do nothing until you feel a lump.
Sorry for the vent, the part that bothers me the most is this is being spoken about on a rather large group of women. We are all there from all walks of life with a common bond of being homeschool parents. Many of us have spoke up saying that mammograms are what found our BC. This then leads "experts" to post about how cancer doesn't live in a void it has to have a reason to grow..............so I wonder if it was the 30lbs over weight I was , the coffee I drink, or Dr Pepper I lived on for 3 years, the chocolate I used to self medicate the stress in my life over finding out I had MS...raising 2 teenagers who are pretty sure they know all there is to know about the world. Yup I guess that makes breast cancer ALL MY FAULT! 
Comments
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LOL that's a good one!
It just gets me so upset because this is a huge forum and the question that started the discussion was Is is necessary for me to get mammaograms every year if I have no history of breast cancer in my family and I don't feel a lump.
Of coarse this is controvercial but normally these types of conversations are pretty ballanced but not today. There are pages and pages of people's links to books that have been written that basically tell you how to live so you never get cancer. I hate that even 1 woman might pick up a book or 2 and ignore getting a mammogram ever because she eats 32 sushi rolls from fish that she raised, caught, skinned and rolled in her own homegrown seeweed and rice, all the while a tumor is growing inside her that could have been caught years before if she'd just gone down and "smiled" for the camera.
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No one has "blamed" me yet. Cancer just happens. I teach aerobics and exercise several days a week. I don't smoke. I eat healthy. I don't eat fried/high fat foods or fast food. We usually cook fresh and don't eat much processed. I never thought I would get BC. No one does. People are ignorant! If anyone blames me, it's going to get ugly. I secretly am blaming my birth control or the fact that I like wine and am trying to get over that inside. I also didn't have a child until I was 40 and did not breast feed......I think about that. I am just trying to let all of that go. It doesn't change anything at this point. The bottom line is we will never know what exactly caused our cancer and that is a question we ALL have to let go of. It won't change anything now anyway. All bodies have cancer cells in them...it's just a matter of if they mature or die off. Anyone else is just as suseptable to this. One in 8 women get breast cancer. That's the fact. I think 1 in 4 people will deal with some type of cancer in their lifetime.....I read that somewhere recently. It stinks, but it's the facts.
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Well of course it's your fault - you decided to be born female!
The articles that we read from the medical community and in the press try to make it all seem so simple. Here's something that's "bad" and if you did this, you increased your risk to get BC. That's how it comes across whenever a new study is issued that shows a connection between breast cancer risk and any personal or environmental factor. "Look! XYZ increases breast cancer risk! If you avoid XYZ, you can reduce your risk! And if you partake in XYZ, you are increasing your risk. Bad bad you! " I think the reason that these studies are so often presented this way is because in actual fact no one knows what caused the breast cancer for most of us. Rather than admit that, it's a whole lot easier to point the finger back at us and tell us that we did something wrong. Breast cancer rates aren't falling because women aren't cooperating!
The simple fact is that the single greatest risk factor for breast cancer is being female. As for all those other things, well it may be true that some personal and environmental factors do increase breast cancer risk but the problem is that nobody knows who will be affected by any one risk factor and who won't be. Everyone is not affected by the same risk factors. Additionally, the likelihood is that no one single risk factor (except possibly for genes) caused anyone's breast cancer - for each of us it probably was a unique combination of a long list of risk factors that jumbled together and led to the development of our breast cancer.
As for the personal and environmental risk factors, even if something is proven to increase risk, and even if this is something that you've done (or not done), it doesn't mean that you caused your breast cancer or even increased your risk of getting breast cancer. Let's use the example of alcohol. Enough studies have shown that drinking more than a moderate amount of alcohol increases breast cancer risk - by about 30%, based on the most recent research. So if over the years you've enjoyed your wine or beer or the occasional margarita, does this mean that you caused your breast cancer? Nope, not at all.
- If we start with 1,000 'average' women who have average risk factors, we can expect 125 of them to get breast cancer during their lifetimes (12.5%).
- If every one of these 1,000 women consume more than a moderate amount of alcohol, the research suggests that 163 of them will get BC - a 30% increase in the number of cases of BC.
- So of the 1,000 women who all drink alcohol, what this means is that 962 of the women won't be affected at all by their alcohol consumption. 125 of these women are destined to get BC anyway, whether they drink alcohol or not (because of other risk factors). 837 of the women will be able to drink alcohol and they'll still not get breast cancer.
- Of the 1,000 women, 38 of the women (3.8%) will be affected by their consumption of alcohol. But here again, you have to consider that in all likelihood the alcohol would not have been the sole reason for the development of the breast cancer; chances are that these women had other significant risk factors and alcohol consumption played a small role in addition to these other factors. Keep in mind too that the highest risk factors that we face are ones that we can't control. The personal and environmental factors tend to mostly be "low risk" factors.
I went through all to point out that even if something you did or didn't do is proven to be a risk factor for breast cancer, it doesn't mean that your actions actually resulted in the development of your breast cancer. The greater likelihood - by a long shot - is that it didn't. The medical community and the press (and even some of our friends and family) want to blame us because it's easier than saying that nobody knows what caused our cancer. You don't have to accept the blame. You are not to blame.
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You need to hang out with a better class of people.This place seems to be a good start.Seriously, "thses" people that are making the remarks to you are ignorant.Thay have no idea of what they are talking about .Their only concern is their own shallow lives that they live.We never have to justify our thoughts or actions too anyone but ourselves.As Dr. Laura says( not my favorite person but I do like the quote) act "dumb and stupid", smile and then walk away.
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I have a friend who manages a health food store and has for over 25 years. She eats organic/healthy, takes supplements, is thin, no alcohol or smoking ETC ETC ETC. And guess what - found a 7cm tumor, triple negative, last year.
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I am sick of people blaming breast cancer on the food that we choose to eat. If it was solely about food, everyone eating junk would have cancer by now which is obviously not so. There are many people who have healthy eating habits and adopt a healthy lifestyle and still get cancer despite having no family history. Why are people so quick to blame food? What about things which are out of our control...chemicals, pollution, radiation, microwaves, electromagnetic frequencies, viruses and other germs, our immune systems...I can go on and on. Certain substances may be potential carcinogens but the point is, I don't think there is any scientific evidence that says eating a particular food WILL give you breast cancer. It is always "eating certain foods MAY reduce your risk of cancer". I've eaten broccoli and berries all my life and it never helped.
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THANK YOU all so much! It is hard enough knowing that I never led an organic, off the grid type lifestyle but to be blamed for my cancer was a hard thing to take.
The conversation started because this same group of women are telling others in this group to NOT get mammograms that they cause cancer. That just because they are finding more DCIS doesn't mean that more women have cancer than before. (and Beesie I tried to use a lot of your examples and links in my rebutal) That was when they pretty much blamed the women who have cancer on the things they eat/lifestyle where they live etc. The scary thing to me is these are homeschooling moms so they are not only passing this information on to other women they are raising generations of kids who will believe that mammograms are bad. I am just beginning my homeschool journey with my daughter so I do frequent this forum and try to participate when people are asking if they should or shouldn't get mammograms.
I am just glad I am coming here for my information about cancer....and yes I even posted this site as a resource for those who want to learn it from our side of the mammogram.
Thanks again for all the encouraging words, I'm going through a rough patch right now, I not only had BC but I also have MS that has progressed (as per my most recent MRI) so I am blaming a lot of things on myself and didn't need their "help".
Dawn
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momof3sofar-
you have tried to educate. the problem is there are grains of truth in what they say re: mammograms do emit radiation and aren't perfect screening tests. Hopefully by the time your children are young adults, there will be better screening tools. I have never heard the mammogram squishing the dcis out of the ducts before! ugh! These women are trying to convince themselves that if they do a, b but don't do c, they won't get breast cancer, and all their chatter is kind of group self-comforting behavior. You have tried, I admire you for your bravery, compassion and concern, but they will believe what they WANT TO believe. Maybe you should hang out with us more and with them less?
Oh and not only should you not blame yourself for breast cancer, please don't blame yourself for your ms's progression.
Julie E
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Oh, my gosh...I have heard this SO much. Seriously, what is WRONG with people!?
I've heard this SO many times in the past 6 weeks.
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Hi, Dawn.
I'm a mother of three, too, and I've always homeschooled. I have not heard anyone blaming cancer on food/diet in the homeschool groups to which I belong. There are a couple of us with cancer who are trying a macrobiotic diet in an effort to fight our cancers. I have no idea if it will help, but, the way I see it, it can't hurt. However, I have noticed people of all stripes tend to play the blame game with regard to mammograms. (Editing to clarify: I've heard and read comments tsk-tsking those of us who didn't have mammograms earlier.)
Believe me, I've done a lot of blaming myself these past few months. If only I'd done this... or that... I do suspect that I myself probably got cancer as a result of stress and not eating or sleeping well in the past few years. However, I have never thought that way about anyone else. I just wonder what I did: I look back, and it all seems to add up. If I were to talk openly about these feelings I have about myself, that doesn't mean I believe other people cause their own illnesses. For some reason, I just wonder if I did. On the one hand, I'd like to think I have some control over it all. OTOH, if I do have control, that means I have to bear some blame - whether it's the food I ate or the mammogram I didn't get.
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I agree and Hadley, that comment in your post made me laugh sooo hard!
I think we all need to let ourselves off the hook for whatever we ate or did in the past, the sunburn we got when we were 12, the cigarette we smoked when we were 20, the extra 10 pounds, whether our annual mammo was a few months off, whatever! I don't want to be a fatalist, but I think in some sense there is a predetermined destiny for all of us. I realized this 25 years ago when a friend was killed by a drunk driver. He was a military pilot, fresh out of college and pilot training, 5 in the morning, it's still dark, and he's driving to the base for his morning training flight. Coming his direction is a drunk man, just left a bar, no headlights on, and has crossed over into my friend's lane and that's it - the end for my friend. The man survives. You can ask "why", "what if", everything in these situations and in the end, it was just meant to be. There is no other answer. I still have the last letter he mailed me and read it often.
I get tired of us beating ourselves us - and for other women beating each other up, too. This is what drives me crazy!! Shouldn't we help and support each other? It's like the stay at home mom/working mom debate - aren't we all on the same team?
Ok, that's my rant for the day! Let's all make a resolution to be kind to ourselves and stop beating ourselves up for whatever we may have done in the past - chances are, it didn't lead to what is happening today, anyhow! My name is carpediem for a reason, seize the day, no regrets, no unfinished business - tell everyone you love that you love them, settle old debts, make amends with those you're hurt. Then live your life and never look back!
And Beesie - you're the best - thanks for being out here!
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Thanks Lifeis, the comments I was referring to was one person specifically telling ME that I needed to take responsibility for my cancer. It was not about their journey, it was a "generic" conversation until that point that they PM'd me. On the thread it was a long post saying that it wasn't going to be a popular response "but"... Others have chimed in on it as well. It doesn't really matter where the thread was though, it was just hard to believe that anyone would blame me more than I already do...especially someone who doesn't believe in mammograms and it was the mammogram that saved my life. Just sad I think!
Thanks again everyone for your kind words, I guess I am just having a rough week and it's easier to blame myself as it is and harder to "un-blame" myself when others are jumping on the band wagon.
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LMAO!!!! I JUST had my first mammo because I felt a lump - guess what - POSITIVE!!! So sorry - unless my husband or previous relations were mashing my boobs the way that machine does - Um - mammo's are not to blame!!! It just happens and we as (mostly) women have to put on our big girl panties and deal with it - and yes - it SUCKS!!!! I'm scarred and don't want to be a part of this - but here I am - so here I go on my very own journey to which I pray everyday -= several times - I come out a winner - no blame game here - just luck of the draw!!! Better me than my kids!! Right!! Keep smiling ladies - I'm trying to!!
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Stay strong, TAR423.
Like you, I didn't have a mammogram until I found the lump myself. I had nothing against mammograms; I just kept procastinating. In fact, I kept thinking: I really need to set time aside for checkups and a mammo. But, I never got around to it. Then, when the new standards were released, I figured, Well, maybe I can wait to age 50.
Ironically, if I'd had had routine mammograms, I just know I would've thought the mammos caused the cancer. Also, because I had to twist and turn while they took the mammo over and over again - the lump was palpable, but they had trouble getting it on film, due to its location - I doubt the mammo would've caught the tumor earlier.
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Most cancer is random. People just want to believe there is a "reason" for everythng...but sometime's there's not.
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