The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

Wow, these are the times I'm "glad" my Mom has died! My cancer would have been all about her, too!!

When we say "we're okay" people are happy to move on. I NEVER answer when someone says "How are you?" unless they ask a second time. It is just a correctedness (for lack of a better word) that people say "Hi, how are you?" I'm in sales and NEVER say that!! I don't really care how the potential customer is. Really! They wouldn't be in my store if they didn't want to be, that's all I need to know!

I remember once some asked "How are you" and I said "terrible" they said "Great!" That was about 20 years ago and ever since then I don't answer. If the person stops and waits, I'll say "Do you really want to know", then I'll answer.

People will say "Soooooo, you're okay now....right?" I'll say "I don't know. The breast cancer could be metastasizing as we speak." That usually shuts them up.

All my mom wants to hear is "happy things". I love her dearly but I cannot unload on her. It gets annoying and depressing. When I get off the phone I feel like banging my head against the wall. I am trying to get in touch with my doctor to have my antidepressants changed or increased. His line is busy, busy, busy.

When people or even friends askme how I am doing, I relay with,"peachy keen and dandy." Most realize that I am being sarcastic. If they are interseted thay will ask why. If not I don't bother going any further. But my own mother...

* Finally got through to the doctor's office and left a message with his sectary. Now I have to wait for the call back.

You're right, Hadley.  Its probably better if I said "I am sorry to hear about what you are going through, please let me know if there is anything I can do."  Thanks for pointing that out. 

Hadley, you don't have a disability. So don't do that one. You don't have an ongoing medical condition. We know you'll need appointments and stuff, but that will happen when it may. You have the right to go to an appointment. I would put nothing! What did that manager say?

"…when someone gives you that "You got cancer because...." routine. Then look at them and say 'Well then, you're going to get colon cancer because you're full of shit!' "

As usual Barbe, you crack me up.I think I spit on my screen a little when I read that one.

Hadley,  I couldn't get the gene test for tamoxifen metabolilzing, but since I wasn't having ANY side effects that I knew of (turns out it was seriously making pre-existing depression seriously worse) I talked to my Med Onc and changed to Lupron shots every 4 months to shut down my ovaries and switched to Arimidex.  Tamoxifen is what is known as a pro-drug.  The form we swallow has no biological effect, that is accompished by the active metabolite endoxifen.  Ovarian suppression + AI is a reasonable and probably more effective alternative to tamoxifen for poor metabolizers. 

The dumbest thing my Rad Onc told me was that truncal lymphedema was untreatable, that I would have increasing pain all my life, and there was no medication or therapy that would make any difference, so get used to living in pain, see you in a year.  Today I found out that the hearing about my complaint about him to the state medical board is tomorrow.  I was supposed to be told a month ago.  Now I can't go, so he gets to answer questions any way he wants and I get no representation, becuase i can't get off work on such short notice.  Life sucks right now.  

BAHAHAHAHAHA! That made me laugh out loud!

counselling is a good option...i did when DH left and about 4 months after diagnosis..pre-radiatino which I was afraid of...figured that I would prefer to pay someone tolisten to me rant or cry...my friends had fears of their own around my diagnosis...I wanted someone objective to listen to me wail and rant and to be my mirror...nothing more than that. I did not want advice. I wanted a mirror.

 Barbe...love the cancer response!! Here here!!

Mumorange....I know....it is sooo hard but equally hard to not be ok either when you think about it.

Bennybear....you are right...people get into the pattern of asking how you are but don't listen...I have students who do the same thing..come in to my office to change classes or something but start with a polite "Hi Sandee..how are you?" and regardless of how I respond, they say 'good thanks"....so now I stop them and get them to listen to my response...

I have decided that for the most part anyhow, when people ask me how I am doing, I am honet...I will say "ok but really tired lately" or "ok but the mdeication I am on is giving me wild hotflashes so look out"...yeah..I try to keep it light but when people who care about me ask, I am honest....I also make sure I get my 4 hugs a day....they help a lot...

We need to hang in there folks...we really do. This is crap....but it will pass...other things will make us angry and scare us but right now, we have good suport here on this train so , keep it coming my dears!

When people ask me how I'm doing, I say, "Much better, but still not 100%."  They're happy to hear I'm doing better (which I am), but I want people to realize that even though I look all better, I'm not.  I still have physical, as well as emotional, pain.

Sandeeonherown:  You're taking the same route I do when responding to questions.  I'll say, "I'm basically okay", then give them a 2-minute spiel on what I'm feeling at that moment, including emotional distress.  This does seem to work. 

LG300:  That works, too.  I'll keep that one in mind.

SeaFoobs:  hehehe!  Very true.

Later, Ladies.

Julie

O2bhealthy - Your friend seriously is horrible - I'm sorry but can you imagine sending that to someone going through tx? I seriously (I am very serious today) think Cancer is luck of the draw and as my late husband who died of a vicious leukemia at 54 always said "you play the hand you are dealt". He never complained - even when he was dying - and it's funny before that he couldn't stand it when things went wrong - if he got short changed at the drive-up at Wendy's he was furious - but his DX never threw him. He went through  a bone marrow transplant - for me he said but never really thought he would make it after being diagnosed at stage IV and being given 2 weeks to live - he made it 6 months. If ever life was unfair it was then - and 18 months later I got mine - he and I never talked about cancer and I don't think we brought it on - do you?

Krista--how embarrassing, especially in front of a patient.

Last week I was at a memorial service and saw lots of my fiance's family I hadn't seen since Christmas.  Since then I have switched from a long wig to a shorter style--trying to get used to the shorter doo I will have once my wig comes off. (I have always had long, long hair).  When I got home I had a message on my comp. that said how much this lady loved my long wig, and that so and so said I didn't like the long wig and maybe it was just her who liked the long wig but that she thought I should start wearing that one again.

I can't wait to hear what she has to say when I start going wigless with extremely short  hair.

I tried not to take this the wrong way, but it is hard when you are already self-concious about your looks.  Your post-chemo dark circles under your eyes, chemo-weight, and wig are all things at least I hope people don't notice or at least bring up.  (By the way many at the service also commented on how I gained weight--I realize I was a tiny person before so it may not be a criticism, but why do people feel like just because I have cancer they can say things to me they would never say to anyone else?)

As a 3 time survivor, I've heard most all of it at one time or another.

I've come to agree with the statement "You can't fix stupid". 

Krista613 - Knowing me...and you don't really, I'm funny and very spontaneous, I would have ripped it off and said..."TAA-DAA!", and now for my NEXT trick!!!! God help you woman, stay positive....and if you need some one liners, let me know! LOL...Barbe and Lago are just as quick! (((hugs)))