treatments soon...im reaching out.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    As Monday draws near ... I feel a little anxiety creeping in ... my positive nodes were so high ... mabye they just "guessed" at giving me a stage II diagnosis ... should I be changing the cat litter ... I need to get everything together before I get so sick on chemo ... is my house clean enough ... ahhhh!

    Ohhhh I need a little patience right now and I'm having a tricky time finding it.  I'll go to my little space and focus and try to release this awefulness.

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  • Kymn
    Kymn Member Posts: 999
    edited February 2011

    Hi all, Hope everyone is having a great saturday and finding joy wherever they can Smile

    Tammy Fuzzy and Kriskat I too will be starting treatment right around the same time. I was diagnosed on Jan 10 had lumpectomy on 25th and have to have another lumpectomy on the 18 of this month :( one of my margins were not clear, wow was i shocked when the surgeon told me this news. I didnt even consider the fact that they may not get it all and I would have to go back in. I am quite scared that the margins wont be clear again and I will end up having a masectomy anyways. I meet my oncoligist on the 17th to find out the results of the other tests. I am nervous and scared but I am so tired of waiting to know exactly what it is I am dealing with. I need to get on with this. Im right around your age Fuzzy im 41. I agree about the 5 posts I come on and do 5 every day too i cant wait to get to 50 :)

    I want to thank all of the ladies who have offered advice and support since I have been here. You are all so lovely and I am looking forward to getting to know you all.

    Love and Light from Canada

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  • ibcmets
    ibcmets Member Posts: 4,286
    edited February 2011

    thefuzzylemon,

    Sorry you had to join the rest of us; but you will absolutely love the gals here.  They have been so supportive with so much information.  This board is great because it is categorized by topic.  You can go to any topic that you need info on.  The chemo thread has lots of helpful info.  Chemo was not as bad as I thought except for losing your hair.  There is also a surgery and reconstruction site.  I have inflammatory with bone mets and just had a bi-lateral mastectomy 2 weeks ago.  For me, that was the hardest to go through.  To get detailed information on diagnosis and treatment you can also check out Susan Komen and caringforcancer.com.    You can also get a great cancer resource guide from emailing www.patientresource.net.  They have lots of info and support contacts.

    Carepages.com has a one stop shop where you can keep family and friends updated on your treatment. 

    Best to you on your treatment.

    Terri

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    WOW!  Thank you!  This information should be added to the newbies site! 

    I probably won't get a wink of sleep tonight ... I just keep thinking that it will be another step behind me ... right?

    Hugs and a smile to everyone.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    One more update ... I had a talk with my husband.  I let him know that I loved him and asked him what he was feeling.  He told me he was scared.  I told him I was sorry for all of this and asked him to be by me because I would really like that.  He has seemed stronger ever since.

    Im going to my appointments alone tomorrow but he will take me to the chemo appts.  He's also going to Gilda's Club with me on Wednesday - I couldn't believe it when he said that.

    I have to retract that "Going to the Appts alone tomorrow" ... I will be taking all of you and your kindness and strength with me. 

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  • Kymn
    Kymn Member Posts: 999
    edited February 2011

    My DH doesnt like to talk further than the next step. It can be hard because I sometime I need to think outloud and he says I am just being negative but that is not the case at all. I just want to talk sometimes and sometimes I dont lol. Good thing I have all of you to think out loud to I am pretty sure this will save the marriage lol .

    I didnt do alot today just cleaned house and quiet time. Seem to need alot of quiet time right now.

    We are expecting 30cm of snow overnight ohhhh i hope that doesnt happen it will be a nightmare driving to work.

    Sweet drerams all oh and Fuzzylemon good luck at the appt tomorrow. So glad your DH will be joining you on the rest we sure do need them to be our rocks right now.

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  • Smile_On
    Smile_On Member Posts: 141
    edited February 2011
    Just read your post & looks like you got some great advice.  Just wanted to say good luck tomorrow.Smile
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  • heatherbless
    heatherbless Member Posts: 295
    edited February 2011

    May God bless you each day and every day on this journey.  Love, heather

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  • julie75
    julie75 Member Posts: 635
    edited February 2011

    thefuzzylemon:  I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I am sending thoughts of strength your way, and to your husband as well.  Good luck tomorrow.

    Julie

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  • kriskat
    kriskat Member Posts: 163
    edited February 2011

    the fuzzylemon:

    If you need anything, PM me.  I am home today since my bs hasn't released me to go back to work yet!  Sending lots of prayers your way!

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  • renee2010
    renee2010 Member Posts: 93
    edited February 2011

    Thinking of you today and anxiously awaiting to find out how u r

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    Oh ladies ... bad news today.  I have been changed to a stage IIIc and it's so depressing and scary right now.  I'm having more tests that may even throw me into a Stage 4!!!

    Oh man, I'm a nervous wreck.  I'm thinking I need to go back to work ... to save my life insurance ... I just need a break right now I guess.

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  • libraylil
    libraylil Member Posts: 528
    edited February 2011

    fuzzylemon  crap, you have been slammed with some heavy information in the last month.  Your surgery and everything happened so fast, you haven't had time to even digest the diagnosis.  As soon as all appts are done and a plan  is in place you will feel a little more relaxed.  I was able to relax 2 weeks ago for the first time since July.  Chemo and lumpectomy was done, however I had to have a re excision to get clean margins.  My BS called me at home as soon as the results were in to tell me the margins were slim but clear.  I felt like a giant weight was lifted. 

    When your chemo begins visualize the drips kicking the cancer's a$$.  libray lil

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    Thank you for that ... visualization is something that I like and I am happy that you mentioned that.  I'm just a mess right now ... My puppy lays next to me and I feel ... I'm sure I don't even need to explain that...

    I'm just not ready.

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  • elmcity69
    elmcity69 Member Posts: 998
    edited February 2011

    fuzzy lemon, i'm so sorry you've joined us on the boards. there are so many amazing women here to listen and give support.

    as you see from my little 'cancer bio", as i call it, i'm a 3c. i don't think about it much, and really, that staging is for the doctors' protocols. would i rather be a 1 or 2? sure. but stay on here long enough, and you'll see many, many stage 3 gals who are healthy and staying that way!

    i called the awful anxiety and terror 'the crazies"...and when they got too bad, i would dash outside for a walk, cry to a friend (or in the shower - great place to cry, no one knows), or look into a cookbook to try and find something good to make. blasting music in the car is another thing. sometimes, the best medicine was taking a deep breath and sitting on the couch with my children, reading alongside them or whatever.

    i'm so sorry you're going through this. you're in my prayers tonight! and you'll be in my thoughts. PM me if you want.

    hugs-

    janyce

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    Oh gosh ... I can hope (although most of that is diminished ... I'm so sorry to say that ... ) that the diagnosis stops here ... that the next week and a half of tests will show NOTHING!  Oh ... I'm kinda hurting and I just don't know what to do ... I may take a bath.

    I wanted to organize all of this stuff that I got today ... and I can't bring myself to do it.  I have to get back to strong, happy, ready to fight and fight and fight ... but like mentioned...it's just so much. 

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  • kriskat
    kriskat Member Posts: 163
    edited February 2011

    thefuzzylemon:

    I am so sorry!!!!  I agree with library lil-picture that chemo kickin tail!!  If you need to talk, PM me!  When do u go back to doctor?  Has your treatment plan been put in place or will they wait on additional tests?  Just asking so I can be looking at that date and sending prayers your way!

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  • littletower
    littletower Member Posts: 333
    edited February 2011

    Hey fuzzy, you can do this....one foot in front of the other.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    I have the MUSA and CAT between this week and next.  They took blood today bit I'm not sure why.  February 18th I start Chemo (20 weeks), Radiation (every day for 6 weeks after Chemo), Tamoxifen after that for 5 years and .... depending on the other results, there may be more. 

    We survive this ... I'm not special .... I will fight like all of the beautiful women here ... I will be upset right now cause it's normal ... and I will watch a movie, take a bath, hugs and kiss my puppy, send my girls a funny text ... go to bed with my hunsband and WAKE UP TOMORROW ... go back to the doctor and work thru (what I hope) is a much better day ...

    Normal?  Seriously depressed momentarily?  I hope it's all ok ... I'm not ready.

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  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 937
    edited February 2011

    Hang in there fuzzy.  I know you are scared and depressed and I will not try to tell you to be otherwise.  It is perfectly normal.  Once you get past all the scans and new "news" and get started on a treatment plan, it really does get easier. 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    I care about every one of you.  I am honored to be among this group and ... I needed to be here tonight.  I am very lucky to have each of you tonight.

    I think I have used up my Newbie 5 ... I think I understand why they do that ... I have to have a good cry, a warm bath and think...think...think...

    Hugs and a Smile ...

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  • julie75
    julie75 Member Posts: 635
    edited February 2011

    thefuzzylemon:  what a lot of info. to digest.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  Hope you are resting as comfortably as possible in the bathtub.  As SherriG says, crying is theraputic.  Take care, and sending thoughts of strength.

    Julie

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  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 6,201
    edited February 2011

    Hi Fuzzy... Thinking of you after reading thru this thread...

    First off... chemo for me has been NO PROBLEM... so don't assume you'll feel lousy... You are young and i am sure you will do fine... They have great meds to combat the side effects and once you know which chemo drugs, scan this site and look for good suggestions.. From here I learned to DRINK tons of fluids during chemo... I also learned to ice my nails to prevent nail loss...lots of great ideas... AND if you do feel poorly, there is a cleaning service for people with chemo that is free... think its called cleaning for a cause.

    As for the CAT/PET/blood tests... that is standard care for a stage III... doesn't mean they suspect anything, but be glad they are  precautious. I was just talking with my ONC today about tests (I am not really a candidate at stage II), but he said there are many times false positives, so store that away if you have a positive result... stay optimistic.

    And hair loss has been my biggest obstacle, but I went to work today sporting my new wig and got tons of compliments from people who thought I just "did" my hair... PHEW... one big hurdle crossed. 

    Good luck to you!!! You'll be ok.. you have lots of support here.

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  • Kymn
    Kymn Member Posts: 999
    edited February 2011

    Fuzzy I am sorry you recieved this news, I know I just kind of get my head around something and then it changes. I had checked lumpectomy off the list like one of the lovely ladies suggested I do and it turns out I have to go in again because of unclear margins. I was devestated playing the what if they go in and it never stops game you know. So I know how your feeling. I agree with Janyce the shower is the best place to cry dont scare the kids can wipe all the mess away after the ugly cry, towel off deep breath and back to life as ultimetly that is what we are all fighting for.

    Im at work right now but will PM you later

    Love you girls

    Kymn

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    OMGOMGOMGOMG!!  SO, after my aweful colapse yesterday ... I have some amazing news to share tonight ...

    1.  Me and my husband connected and cuddled last night ... it was amazing. 

    2.  I called my insurance to find out what the maximun out of pocket was ... $2500!!!  That's workable!!

    3.  I had the CAT Scan today (had a very lovely day with my oldest daughter there!!) and the doctor called me to tell me the results ...

    4.  THE CANCER DID NOT SPREAD!!  THE CANCER DID NOT SPREAD!!! 

    What a day ... I can't explain this feeling right now ... but it's really really good ...

    Hugs and a smile ... over and over again...

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited February 2011

    Oh you know it sister!!!  YEAH!!!! 

    I forgot to mention one other note .... my oldest daughter also told me that she really likes my short hair - way better than my long hair ... so I asked her what she thought of curly and reddish!!  She said I'd rock it ;)  I just love being part of this group - these amazing women - all of you!!

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  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 937
    edited February 2011

    GREAT news, fuzzy!  So happy for you.

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  • DiamondGirl
    DiamondGirl Member Posts: 1,046
    edited February 2011

    I came upon your thread, very sorry you are joining the club.  Like the others said, the ladies on this BCO are very caring and supportive. I've learned a lot here and made friends.

    I'm very happy that it didn't spread.  Good luck with your chemo and rads.  YOU CAN DO IT !!!

    {{{{HUGS}}}}

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  • kriskat
    kriskat Member Posts: 163
    edited February 2011

    Awesome news fuzzy!!!  That is great to hear!!!!  So happy for you !

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  • momof2greatkids
    momof2greatkids Member Posts: 56
    edited February 2011

    WOWWWWW Fuzz! I just flashed back to that feeling when I was told it had NOT spread beyond the armpit and breast - an incredible feeling! Congrats!

    Just offering some encouragement - i had to do chemo first (6 months THC) and them the bmx was in dec '10, currently in rad. Chemo is a distant memory (well, except when i get home and tear the wig off!) But seriously, it is totally doable, and over before you know it. I didn't realize until an hour after coming out the bmx surgery how i had been so uptight the entire 6 mos waiting for 'them" to come off - knowing the cancer was still in me was weighing on me more than i realized -- they joy (yes, really, joy) I felt knowing the harborers were gone was great. So, youv'e been through the hard part - you'll kick arse thru chemo!

    Here are some youtubes that helped me-- well they are here somewhere - i messed up using the insert window - new at this! BUt be sure and watch the entire Ali video!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLS-Hl1M9CE&feature=related
    ready for the fight, and some great make you smile Jerry Lewis dance scenes, and my fav, Carleton dancing.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLS-Hl1M9CE&feature=related
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuVVvEig2ic&feature=related

    and now my fav Pep talk - Muhammad Ali - this has been my motto, I can rap it as good as he does! He has been one of my heroes since i was a little girl, and his spirit really helped me through this!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT-pfZAQvxw&feature=related

    and Carleton - gotta love him!:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS1cLOIxsQ8
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3ANUkOyDNQ&feature=related

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