Tears and PTSD

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pupfoster1
pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

So I FINALLY had a good cry this morning.  Kind of snuck up on me out of nowhere, although I had just woken up from a horrible cancer reccurence dream.  It's so freakin weird, I've been WANTING to cry for so long and have felt so numb, I think it finally all came crashing down after that dream.  It actually feels good to just get some of it out. 

I feel like I've been to war and back.............

Love you all,

Sharon

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited February 2011

    sharon

    it is a healthy "release"  and yes, you have been to war and back again.  this stuff is just so darn hard and we all try so hard to be strong and go through it.

    the tears are healthy and also lets you know..."you are doing ok"  hang in there. heal. it takes a long time to heal from all of this.

    hugs

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  • Kodapants
    Kodapants Member Posts: 139
    edited February 2011

    God bless you Sharon........there are times when I cry at the little things and times when I can't cry at the big things.  Just know that we are all here for you.

    Hugs,  Koda

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  • Glad2BHere
    Glad2BHere Member Posts: 70
    edited February 2011

    People who haven't lived the nightmare have a hard time understanding why certain things will trigger a sudden crying spree.  I hate being out of control with my emotions.

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  • kimber3006
    kimber3006 Member Posts: 586
    edited February 2011

    I was just thinking yesterday morning that maybe I needed to watch a real tearjerker so I could "have an excuse" to bawl like a baby.  Sherri's right....it's just so cleansing......  ((hugs))

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited February 2011

    I've had sneak attacks of tears, too.  As surprising as they are, it does feel better to get the emotions out.  When we share this, it helps, too.   You have been to a kind of war and back.  ((((Sharon))))

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited February 2011

    Sharon, I've been thinking about you since I wrote earlier.  You know, I think we go through a kind of post-post-post treatment/surgery period where we slowly start feeling again.  By that I mean we let some of our numbness start melting away slowly. Early mornings are when I notice it most.  You are recovering from major surgery, some traumatic life events, you are at the end of a very long road, you are at a place where you hoped to be for so long.  I don't know.  It's kind of like the end of a trail and then you say, "Now what?"  Little by little we begin to cautiously come back to letting ourselves feel things.  Well, a long winded way to say I have experienced, and am still experiencing that.  Wish I could give you a big hug (or you could give me one).  G.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited February 2011

    Hang in there girl:) I hope your ok!

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited February 2011

    Here ya go (((Gitane))), you are right it's been so long that we have to "be strong" and just waking up from that very vivid dream pushed me over the edge.  I've always been a very conscious dreamer---meaning I remember too many in too much detail, and it seems like they are ALWAYS chaotic in some way.  I can't remember any "nice" dreams, like just lying on a Carribean beach with the sun shining, peaceful waves, etc.  And I really don't wake up rested after some of them!  This was before BC too though, but now I have the added bonus of recurrence dreams.  Once I'm out and about a good therapist is DEFINITELY in order!

    Love,

    Sharon

    P.S. Hi Pure, I'm doin OK, how are you????

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2011

    Those tears seem to sneak up on us when we least expect them...........sometimes the timing isn't right, but it sure does feel good to have a good cry.  I guess our minds know when they need to go into survivor mode and when it can let us cry a little.

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited February 2011

    Sharon....I'm so jealous....I can't cry...and so numb emotionally....just started with a new therapist who does EMDR...sure hoping that helps....I hope your cry was cathartic and you can cry again when you need it.

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  • clariceak
    clariceak Member Posts: 752
    edited February 2011

    Sharon  ~ I imagine your surgery triggered some strong emotions.Have you thought about seeing a therapist that specializes in cancer patients? 

    I thought that was interesting about your recurring and chaotic dreams.  I'm a lucid dreamer, and I just realized I haven't had any cancer dreams. Weird.

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited February 2011

    Sharon,

    Yes, you have been to war!  It's a tough thing to deal with post-cancer stuff, and most people don't get it, so you never have anyone to talk to except us.  I resisted going to a therapist for a long time, but I finally did it.  I think it's helping me.  Maybe you can try that?  We're always here for you too.

    Hugs

    Bobbie

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  • americanpinay
    americanpinay Member Posts: 338
    edited February 2011

    (((((sharon)))))

    if i remember correctly (and thanks to chemo i am never sure anymore), i cried maybe once or twice since diagnosis but i recently had a pretty wild bawlin' session before my neck biopsy (b9 results thank god)...it was at the nurses station and it wasn't pretty but i figured WTH i deserve a good bawl after what i've been through and continue to go through...i hate this effen disease but know that life goes on and just have to deal with it...i try to hang on to that saying when life hands you lemons make lemonade but not always successfully...take care

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited February 2011

    ((((Sharon)))),  I dream like that, too.  It seems to be a time where I re-live stuff, although the context/people is sometimes a bit different than reality.  I seem to be working to solve problems, even problems that haven't happened yet.  Not that restful.  No wonder mornings are rough.  Hugs to you, G.

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  • Let-It-Be
    Let-It-Be Member Posts: 325
    edited February 2011

    Sherri's got it pegged.  We try to be so strong sometimes!  I know I do.  I lost my business after coming back to work after treatment, and consequently my house.  After settling in a new rental and starting a new business, on extreme survival autopilot, when I was called back after a recent mammo for a follow up on a new mass I absolutely lost it!!!! F&ck the stress, I had had it!! I cried and screamed and just fell apart!

    But it turns out it was a  benign lymph node that hadn't shown up on the previous scan.  Holy Stress!!! 

    It sure did feel good to cry!!!!! FINALLY!

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  • nobleanna007
    nobleanna007 Member Posts: 641
    edited February 2011

    I am with you al!!!

    I am like okay, I had a Bilt. Masc., !6 rounds of chemo, 28 days straight of Rads, and 1yr 1 a week for herceptin, and one of my implants failed, How are we supose to feel???? I have just seperated from my husbnd of 28yrs and am lost, he has know clue what we go through!! and so does not get I will never be the same. He knows they through me into menapause, also diagnoised with PTSD. Yeah sometimes I am crazy but always been their for my family, and soooooooooo did nt get the same!!!! 

    Good-luck!!! And Know your not crazy its just a part of us!!!!

    Hugs. B.

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